Feeling alone in my ongoing struggle with SOOCD after 6 years.

SOOCD alone

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 10w ago

Is it like an anxious thing? These feel like intrusive thoughts? If that's the case, self-monitoring and hunting for the "just right" feeling is going to resurface whatever your most relevant anxiety is to the moment which ultimately could be whatever your brain thinks would derail it quicker. I think of it like unconscious avoidance behavior, I feel threatened by the intimacy of sex in the moment because so much could go wrong and then my brain thinks of something as an example typically something that'll kill the mood like making me panic about finding someone else attractive or trying to compare the current experience to an old one, etc. I even have the SOOCD where I've been with other men and have thoughts like "are you really into her or are you enjoying sex because you have a compulsive desire for it", directly going against the radical acceptance I'm trying to practice in regards to it. My SOOCD and ROCD seem to play into each other. Labeling like this makes them seem a lot bigger than they are, so to put them in perspective I like to think about the times outside of these flares when things just seem as they should be. Not just right, but not wrong either. Idk, my life has been defined by constant disaster and catastrophe. I relate to your post in my own ways, but rarely are we going to find posts that 100% describe our feelings. Often the anxiety we feel masks the actual feelings underneath it anyway. That's why it's best to acknowledge it all as anxiety.

Username: hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123

Date posted: 10w ago

Hey, i think we all go through flare ups — i know i am rn! I recently hooked up with a guy for the first time (i was never even able to kiss a guy till i was 21 cause i had such severe so-ocd). Literally struggled with it since i was 12, but finally got better after ERP at 19! Now three yrs later, i’m still going through it on and off. Healing isn’t linear. I really recommend ERP & medication. Those were my saving grace. Especially meds. I went on the two years — almost three years ago and cannot go off them. They’re the loml. Just know ur not alone, im here if you need to talk🫶🏻

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 10w ago

Thank you so much!! I honestly feel like the thoughts are always here unlike other themes I had like harm ocd or health ocd which must mean its true! But I guess « maybe yes maybe no » we’ll see! How are you doing right now and how old are you if you dont mind me asking?

Username: hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123

Date posted: 10w ago

@Anonymousesti I’m 22 now! Still struggling, but i can function in life now (mostly lol)! I’ve realized my triggers (normally after im intimate with a guy, cause it’s normally drunk make outs & now a hook up) bcuz i never had feelings for any guy i’ve been with, just gratification and ovulation 💀💀💀 but there are some days that are really hard, others i don’t even notice! It just depends, and the same thing happened with me. I’ve had so many themes, but this one just sticks sadly. I also realized it manifested after being SA (survivor of csa & sa, this week is actually one yr anniversary since the last one), so that’s another factor! No journey is linear, but yeah! Good days and bad

Username: Peach_P0PPeach_P0P

Date posted: 15d ago

@hate_ocd.123 I’m so sorry you went through that and I hope you’re able to tell someone

Username: star1232star1232

Date posted: 10w ago

Yes all sufferers have healed but me no

Username: emsi23

Date posted: 2y ago

New here. Looking to hear from people with SOOCD. Im a woman with a cis male partner. For several months, I’ve been convinced I’m either bisexual or lesbian. It all started after seeing tiktoks of other women questioning their sexuality, talking about how they watch wlw porn, and so on. I also only watch lesbian porn. I’ve learned a lot about comp het and thought maybe this is why i’ve never dated another woman and i’m actually attracted to women instead of men. Ever since then, i’ve felt extremely disconnected from my partner and even almost broke up with him. I find myself constantly googling searching to find my true sexual orientation. I constantly try to imagine if I could be with another woman. I’ve imagined coming out as bi or lesbian. Just recently, I learned of SOOCD. Suddenly everything is making sense. I felt relieved when I started learning about it. Though, I’m still worried I could just be bi or a lesbian in denial. Everyday I am consumed by these thoughts. I’m exhausted, confused, and depressed. All I want is to find myself again. And find answers. I love my partner, and I just want to feel happy again. If you’ve experienced anything similar, please share. I’d love to hear from you. I’m not looking for advice or answers from you, I just want to hear from others in the community.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Readytorecover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

SOOCD solitude

I’ve been suffering for 17 years. I’ve had various themes but this one always comes back. I’m in a happy marriage with two children. My husband doesn’t know that this is a theme, bc how do you tell your significant other that you’re having intrusive thoughts about your sexual orientation? I would be like what?? Anyway. Im feeling especially alone in my head with this today. Just looking others in the same situation. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 37w ago

SOOCD after a long time

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Feeling alone in my ongoing struggle with SOOCD after 6 years.

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