How to distinguish between relationship issues and OCD struggles?

I understand exactly what you mean, I struggle with this every day. I just want to point out a couple things that I’ve learned recently. By asking him in order to get a response that you want, that is absolutely a compulsion and checking behavior. I want to remind you that even if what he says makes you feel better, your brain will ALWAYS flip it around, which is why you could perceive his answer as disingenuous. We have to learn to trust our partners, which is a lot harder than it sounds. If he says it’s okay, then you have to believe it is okay. In my opinion, I think that you are likely experiencing obsessions, and it’s not an actual problem in the relationship. What I think you could do could be to just talk with him openly, without trying to “fix” a problem or control his behavior in any way. Something like “I just want you to know that I struggle with OCD, and I am actively working on resisting my compulsions”. This way, he is aware of it but you’re not dragging him into your compulsions. In regards to knowing whether or not this is actually a problem… I don’t know the answer. In my opinion, I don’t think anyone will ever truly know when or if a relationship will become a problem, and it’s impossible that all of our needs are met by someone else. We have to learn to get happiness from ourselves and not care about what other people think, including even our closest loved ones. Sorry this ended up being so long!! I’ve been struggling lately so I’ve been trying to help other people. I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube on these topics lately, I find that “OCD and Anxiety” on YouTube (I think his name is Nate?), and Chrissie Hodges on YouTube have been really helpful to listen to. You’ve got this ❤️ you’re not alone

Hi!! I’m not sure if this is exactly what you’re going through - but I understand this post a lot. I found @sol.curland on instagram and she helped me SO much. I’ve posted her username under a lot of posts bc she just has amazing stuff about rocd. I realized that I was spending so much time trying to make my relationship perfect and exactly what I imagined it to be instead of enjoying what was actually in front of me. Which is all ocd and anxiety working to get its way. I struggle with this issue with my boyfriend too, and when I take a step back and realize that he can’t read my mind I feel less frustrated and annoyed. Your feelings are so valid though!!!

This — such a difficult topic. I think it depends on the situation. People with OCD very often find themselves in bad relationship situations because they label every hardship as OCD and ignore what is important to your values in fear of it being a compulsion. On the other hand, there are times where it truly is just your OCD brain trying to make something a problem. What you have to do is know what your values are and when you respond, be aware of how you want to respond vs how you should. What I mean by this is, ask yourself: do I feel an urgency to solve a problem or do I genuinely feel disrespected, unheard, etc? If you’re trying to solve a problem, it can be your OCD whereas if there is actually a problem that needs to be addressed it could not be. My therapist has mentioned that being mindful of the sense or urgency, needs to solve a problem and pay attention to if this is “loopy,” and if it falls into those categories..you should resist the safety seeking behaviors. I feel like I rambled but did this make sense?