Obsession

@TexasOCD41 How do I tell the difference between compulsions and practicing erp? Especially with body checking when erp says to focus on it, but body checking is a compulsion?

@Aline.R I think you have erp a bit misunderstood. ERP is literally the act of doing nothing. I’m erp you don’t actually focus on it. You just don’t try not to. If you get a sensation you just say “ yep, i feel that uncomfortable feeling again, it’s not important tho so I’m just going to get back to watching my tv show” even tho the feeling will linger, the point is to let it be and not engage with it.

@Aline.R Did you watch the link? That guy saved me in the beginning. He had videos on every single theme you discussed.

@TexasOCD41 I will watch tonight and update you.

@TexasOCD41 Completely! I thought the entire point of erp was to engage with it, to think and dwell on it, not do nothing with it

@TexasOCD41 Thank you for providing it for me

@Aline.R It’s a nuisance approach. You want to ACKNOWLEDGE, but not ENGAGE. For example. I have false memory, real event, and sensory ocd. Whenever I get a thought that makes me uncomfortable or I get the false memory shoved into my head I say to myself “ I don’t care about that right now, it’s not important, I’m going to get back to cooking dinner for my husband “ and now it’s not magic, the thought is still there, I’m still uncomfortable, in fact I’m MORE in because I’m not doing any of my typical compulsive behaviors ( reassuring myself, analyzing my thoughts, replying memories, seeking reassurance from someone else, googling) nope i just do what I’m supposed to be doing while allowing myself to feel uncomfortable. In time.. you start to become aware that it’s not real it’s just a stupid ocd thought and the icky feelings become less icky.

@TexasOCD41 Should I be worried that in my attempt to do erp, I actually engaged? Will this set me off my course?

@Aline.R It will take time to get good at ego. Mistakes will happen and they are ok. Give me an example of what you mean?

@TexasOCD41 Yesterday I struggled horrible with POCD and ROCD shared I would cheat on my partner or thinking I had experience true attraction to others, and thought of hurting someone in her family I’d never. I focused on the groinal response until it went away and kept reassuring myself that although I was focusing on these thoughts and the response that it was all apart of erp and helping me get better

@Aline.R I should have said this before. When I say don’t engage, I mean don’t do a compulsion. Engaging = doing a compulsion. Yes, you can essentially “ choose “ to think those distressing thoughts, that is ERP , when you purposefully bring to mind the very thing you’re wishing would go away, but then you’re supposed to NOT do a compulsion to ease the discomfort. I apologize I wasn’t clear enough earlier. But bringing an intentional exposure is usually done a bit later, after you have done some unintentional ones first. So you’re example. You started off somewhat correct but lost it half way. A better erp would have been to simply “ notice” rather then focus until it went away and the reassurance you gave yourself was a compulsion so that kinda cancelled out the exposure.

@Aline.R Basically. If you’re doing something to seek relief, make yourself feel better, avoid a thought or feeling, it’s a compulsion and compulsions make ocd stronger. The goal of ERP is not to make the thoughts or feelings go away, the goal is to stop responding to them with compulsions. Doing this effectively will eventually take away the meaning of the thoughts so that even when you do have an intrusive thought, it’s not bothering you anymore. In ocd the thoughts actually aren’t the problem, it’s our emotional attachment and response to them. Does this all make sense?

@TexasOCD41 Thank you!!! I have been practicing tonight, whenever I get a thought I label it as silly and proceed to regain focus on something else and not let myself get caught up in the moment :)

@TexasOCD41 Absolutely thank you so much for the clarification

@Aline.R - Good job! Just keep doing that. Be patient with yourself, some days it will be hard, don't let that discourage you, just keep practicing. ITs like a building a new muscle, its small and weak at first but will get stronger with more use. If you need anything else just reply to this thread with my tag and ill help anyway I can.

@TexasOCD41 I was feeling better and last night talked about it with my partner, and once again she was nothing but supportive. But she kept falling asleep I told her that the convo was over and that I didn’t want to discuss this without us being fully conscious, she felt horrible but it would proceed to happen again 2 more times and eventually she passed out and whispered she felt like she failed. This morning I tried texting to make sure when she woke up she felt like nothing was wrong, throughout the morning I had called a couple of times but nothing and her first text to me was “so many calls” I apologized and then proceeded to tell her that I didn’t want to talk anymore about my ocd because I don’t want it prevalent in our relationship. She is being short with me and I’m having a break down worrying if it my fault because of how hard this week has been. The entire week she’s been incredible but now just today something is off and she won’t even tell me she loves me. All these intrusive thoughts are telling me it’s my fault and I’ve caused this. I’m spiraling, what do I do?

@Aline.R - It sounds like you're tired, both of you. While I think it is important that our partners understand that we struggle with OCD, I don't think they need to be included in being THE support system. People without OCD REALLY don't understand. I keep probably 90% of my OCD to myself and I only tell my husband the 10% when I'm just tired and need to tell him " hey, don't give me reassurance, just let me tell you my OCD is bugging me and I'm resisting my compulsions pretty strong and its got me tired so just be patient with me ok?" Your partner can't fix you, only you can, and they really don't need details. You should not be telling them your OCD thoughts, that is compulsive and only gives strength to them. I think you should tell your partner you are aware that you went a bit overboard today. You're going to work on controlling yourself more and you are going to work on relying on yourself and NOCD for support more and having a OCD interfered relationship less. Give your partner some grace, it is just as hard on the normal people to try to help us when they really don't understand. I think you also need to reset your body. a hot bath or shower in a dim room, cozy pjs, soft blankets, a light harted tv show or book, some cuddles with your partner. NO asking for reassurance, NO asking if everything is ok. Just... behave how you would if OCD were not there. Drink some NON caffinated tea, take a melatonin. try to bring your body out of fight or flight.

@TexasOCD41 - Oh and a BIG meal. Eating something big that you really enjoy will draw blood to your stomach and away from your brain and will force your body to chill out a bit. its pizza for me, a big double cheese pizza cures just about everything lol. Chin up, you're going to be ok.

@TexasOCD41 Should I be scared? I really did tell her everything, and even though they were horrible and targeted her she loved me and didn’t even bat an eye. Nothing but supportive. I don’t know what’s happened and I want answers but I don’t want to let my ocd get to HER and on her, and I’m just scared it actually got to her. Now that I’ve already done this what do I do? How do I make this better. I won’t ever bring it up again but I guess I’m just scared right now.

@Aline.R - Its ok to be scared. I don't think you should be scared. I think in times like these, remember the positive. Shes been supportive, shes going to remain supportive. you don't want answers, you want certainty, she has already given you answers but you're not accepting them because your OCD is making you crave absolute certainty and certainty doesn't exist. Did you watch that link I sent you yesterday? or any of that guys material? What's done is done. move forward. live in the present.

@TexasOCD41 I did but I think I will watch it again to get more comfortable with what he was saying. The POCD thoughts pertained to her family and she reassured me and loved me, but what the guy was saying I’m just so scared of even just accepting I had that thought for even a second. We are long distance right now and it’s hard but I see her in less than a month and can’t wait till she’s back in my arms. She truly has been only been supportive so I know it really is just my ocd acting up, I just am not sure I know how to except this is my reality but I am working on it. I know I am rushing my progress but I am going to try and do better and focus on living in the moment and living my life based on my values. But I feel by even saying that to you I’m feeding into my compulsion. I’m sorry it’s been so back and fourth with me I’m just trying to heal from this. Thank you for all the support..

@Aline.R - Its ok i really do understand what you're going through. He has other videos on his channel that really talk about OCD, the doubt it gives you, the fear it causes, he has videos on how to make sure you're doing ERP successfully, on how to catch sneaky compulsions. I think you should go to his home page and watch as many of his videos as you can to understand OCD and it will make more sense. This is NOT your reality... this is just your current situation. I have OCD and Im not living my life in constant agony anymore... i WAS for bout 5 months solid until I finally started doing ERP and doing the scary stuff and I also started medication and that combination REALLY saved me. ITs important to get to the place where you can accept that you had those thoughts. your are NOT accepting the implied meaning of them, you are only accepting that you had them, that's it, and you are allowing yourself to feel the discomfort and fear and NOT do compulsions. remember-complusions feed OCD. we want the compulsions to stop, the anxiety and the meaning and feelings and thoughts will stop only once you STOP the compulsions.

@TexasOCD41 Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

@Aline.R - Im always here. Try to focus on your girl coming to see you. Reply to this thread if you need to but I trust you to really try to fight the good fight first. you're going to get there. believe in yourself, I do!