I’m a bad person, I can’t pretend I’m not anymore

I don’t expect anyone to give me any reassurance that I’m a good person, because I doubt it heavily now. I don’t want to fight anymore, I can’t do it. I’m a bad person. I can’t see the light anymore I don’t think I can get better from this anymore, I think I’m gonna give up, I’m actually gonna give up, this is actually really bad that I did this, this is my proof I’m a bad person, I thought about it so I just can’t. basically I saw a a picture of 12 year old boy, and I kept testing how I felt, now I don’t know why I did this cause I know it’s wrong, meaning not good, but basically my brain was like “do you think he’s handsome” and I said “maybe I don’t know, I don’t think he’s handsome. He might be” and oh my god I can’t believe I said something like this, I know some will say “oh it might be intrusive” but I can’t anymore. I feel like I’m done. I don’t even know what kind of handsome I meant, all I know is that I was NOT trying to be disgusting in any shape or form but I can’t stand it, I can’t do this anymore

POCD

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 13w ago

The thought of "maybe I should" or maybe I don't know when it comes to exploring certain feelings or analyzing thoughts can be a common reaction to intrusive thoughts, especially in the context of OCD.It’s okay to feel lost sometimes, but there is a path forward.You have to be strong. It's easy to give up, but you are still the teenager, and there is a whole life ahead of you. and there is a whole life ahead of you. You should believe in yourself. It’s important to remember that thoughts and feelings don’t define who you are as a person. Intrusive thoughts are a common experience, especially for those who struggle with anxiety or OCD. They can be distressing and confusing, but having these thoughts doesn’t reflect your true self or intentions. It’s your response to these thoughts that matters and When you are freaking out or feel this way, your mind thinks there is a threat here and produces more intrusive thoughts. You should try not to react to them to teach your mind to produce fewer thoughts. It seems like you’ve been reflecting on your feelings and trying to understand them, which is a positive step. Just the fact that you care about morality and how you feel about others indicates a level of empathy and self awareness. When you're feeling overwhelmed, grounding techniques like focusing on your breath, engaging your senses, or practicing mindfulness can help bring you back to the present moment and alleviate some of that emotional intensity.

Username: King sillyKing silly

Date posted: 13w ago

@Anonymous - Thank you again!!! You guys are really helpful and give me a lot of hope to keep going. Thank you

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 13w ago

Anxiety and arousal are literally the same emotion under different fonts. Self-monitoring is also a compulsion, you cannot sit with the discomfort if you are immediately jumping to make yourself feel better via the non-anxious reaction you cannot have when you're doing an inherently anxiety-inducing thing. Anytime you're aroused or not aroused, it very easily can flip to anxiety. Anytime you're anxious about arousal, the two will bleed together. This is why it's important to seek OCD related therapy, because we with disordered-thinking cannot trust our minds as trustworthy narrators. They regularly focus on small things as threat

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 13w ago

Anytime 🙂. Let me say something you understand better. When we watch a movie, we sometimes lose ourselves in it and think we are in the movie. Even our bodies react to the sensations, and if it's scary, we get scared. But we are not the movie,we are just watching it. We are awareness. We observe the one who watches the movie. Even though we know it's a movie, our bodies react to the scary sensations. Now, when you are watching those thoughts or hearing those intrusive thoughts, you are not those thoughts. You are different. You are just aware of those thoughts. Because you are lost in your thoughts, you think you are the thoughts, but that's not true. You can in a same time talk and listening to in your mind one who talks its your mind who is listening is you. Real you that means who doesn't want this thoughts or some call it soul or whatever you can call doesn't matter it's different than those thoughts. The mind is part of the subconscious body, something like the heart. You can't tell your heart to stop beating, just as you can't tell your mind to be quiet. However, with enough practice, you can teach your mind to produce less intrusive thoughts. As Dr. Joseph Murphy says in his book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, we are creatures of habit, and anything you've learned in your life was through practice, The same as driving or playing music or sports or whatever you are good at now. You can, by practicing enough, teach your mind to produce fewer thoughts. All you have to do is practice awareness and mindfulness and do meditation.

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 13w ago

You can't in the same time talk and listening to in your own mind *

Username: Brian__Brian__

Date posted: 13w ago

I’m sorry Sam your not a bad person at all, it’s extremely common to respond to intrusive thoughts with maybe or maybe not or a solid yes its how a lot of people actually do there erp. Responding like that to it does not make you a horrible person and I know it feels like it’s from you but it’s NOT. Pedos aren’t worried about being a pedo. There worried about getting caught and the consequences that comes with being one. You are ok and not a pedo and please keep going you can heal from this 🫶

Username: Heello

Date posted: 2y ago

I am such a horrible person, I cant even try to fight this feeling that I am a bad person, its like I gave up. I just forget my existence. I cant hold this more. I hate myself so much. I just want to end it all.

Username: bloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

Guilt

I got into porn around 14 or 15 I can’t remember, and I came across something really bad on accident. I don’t know if I knew how bad it was. It was literally on instagram. I have no idea why or how that was on there. But I ended up looking it up when I was 16 again and I touched myself to it. I am appalled and ashamed. I don’t know why I did it and I can’t get over the fact that I did. What was I thinking? I don’t understand how I could have done that and it doesn’t even feel like me because I can’t Imagine doing that now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I did. I just want help. Im scared to get help, I feel like I deserve to go to jail. I just want to get help and be a good person. I don’t want to do harm. I genuinely just want help. Im scared but I refuse to feel like I’m getting away with something awful so I want to tell a professional. It’s eating me alive. I can’t sleep or do anything without thinking about it. It runs my life. I can’t live with it and I can’t live this way feeling like a monster. I feel like I’m going to end myself one day. I feel like I’m lying about who I am to my family and I don’t want anyone to do anything nice for me. They think I’m a good person and I’m not. I wish I was. I feel like I’ve ruined myself and betrayed everyone. I feel so guilty and I feel sad. I don’t want to think about what my family would think. I feel like a lost cause.

Real Events OCD

Username: King silly

Date posted: 12w ago

I feel like a bad person and that it’s all over..

When I was half asleep today, trying to wake up, my brain kept asking me if I thought this picture of my friend was attractive, I kept replying with “ maybe, I don’t know, I really can’t tell” .. or… “ I feel like I do” “ maybe I do” “ I feel like I might” ,, and then I’m like wait she’s 13 in these pictures, I’m not sure if I was aware of it, but still, it doesn’t matter, I’m still saying it and I’m like “why am I saying this??” I generally don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t wanna be a bad person, I just don’t understand why I think this is play to say, or feel?? Maybe because my brain is trying to justify it? It tries to justify everything wrong, so makes it feel like it so it makes it harder… I feel like a genuine bad person, because I don’t know how I feel about it, I really don’t know, I’m scared does it mean I’m a bad person? Because I don’t know how I feel about it. I asked myself if I’m genuinely attracted. And I don’t know anymore. Because I don’t know how I feel about it anymore, I feel like my brain is playing a part in it because it tries to tell me that it’s not wrong. Yes it is wrong though but it’s like no it’s not wrong, It makes me really scared. I generally feel like I’m attracted to her and that I have nothing against it and I don’t know what to do anymore., some people may argue that it’s not wrong, but I believe it’s wrong. So I have no idea why I fucking said that. I genuinely think it’s over. I don’t know if I actually am anymore. I asked myself do I actually feel attraction, because i used to go to a conclusion and say no I don’t. And actually feel that way. But now I don’t feel anything but like pain. Because I don’t want to be. At the same time I feel like I just lied and I do want to feel attraction. I just wanna explain how I feel but I can’t. All I know and what I can explain, is that when my brain was asking me these things I said “ I feel like I might maybe I do I can’t tell “ and why did I say that to a 13-year-old? Why? And why am I still saying it even after realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. I’m 16 for goodness sake. I don’t wanna think about these things. My brain is making me feel like I do and I do and I’m like I’m so confused.

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I’m a bad person, I can’t pretend I’m not anymore

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