18+ only!!!!

hi, hope everyone is well! this is going to be a long post but i’ll try to shorten it as much as i can. i’ve suffered with severe ocd for a few years now, but i am in therapy which is going well. however, i feel like certain events in my life have really changed the way i am. i’m in a relationship and i love my boyfriend. however, i can’t help but feel as my feelings towards him have shifted (not my love or attraction) but almost he’s not who i thought he was if that makes sense. long story short, i found messages on his phone between him and his friends in which they sent pictures of half-naked girls etc to one another, even though he told me he didn’t do any of that stuff. what hurt me the most is he told his friend he slept with a girl and sent her post and when i confronted him, he swore it was just a joke and i can contact the girl and everyone. but it really hurt me, i didn’t eat and i cried all the time it triggered my ocd so much. prior to this, i also found likes on his phone of pictures which i told him it makes me feel insecure. so after this happened, he was apologetic, but a few months later he did it again and what hurt me the most was he saw how it impacted me the first time and didn’t care enough about my feelings. i was in a bad way for ages, i still find myself bothered by it and my self esteem has vanished. i forgave him, but there has been hurtful things said towards me from him and i don’t feel as though im treated like a priority or he makes much an effort with me at all. i also suffer with cheating ocd and literally make no contact with other guys because i dont want to accidentally cheat and my ocd makes me feel like any interaction is wrong. but my issue is, when my partner and i were being intimate, i kept getting intrusive thoughts about someone else which i didn’t want, but when i was hitting the “big o” i did try to focus on my partner as much as i could but i feel as though i purposely thought about the other person, not because i particularly wanted to but because NOT thinking about that person is always in the back of my mind. but for a split second i feel like i may have enjoyed it even though i can’t remember and it’s making me feel so guilty and like i cheated. i always avoid intimacy because of this, i only want to think about my boyfriend. and i don’t want to tell him, even though i always end up confessing, is because im scared he’ll do what he did above again or even worse as a retaliation.

Anonymous1994

Date posted: 46w

I can relate to getting vulnerable then getting shut down kind of and then getting obsessive about it. Walking on egg shells sort of afterwards. I think it’s “ healthy” to be attracted to other people when in a relationship. I think commitment is the piece that us that suffer with OCD don’t realize. We can think other people are attractive but are committed to the person. It’s a choice. OCD always comes up for me when I like the person and can see myself dating them. If I don’t really see a future or anything I’m not getting overly obsessive.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w

I think this is one for your therapist for sure. I think your boyfriends behavior is triggering your OCD and it is possible that the shift of feelings towards him is justified and has nothing to do with OCD. I would not be please with his behavior either. The cheating ocd and the thinking about someone else during, that's OCD, confessing is compulsive, trying to NOT think about something is compulsive ( and it pretty much impossible) You have 2 situations going on here, one that is relationship and one that is OCD. i would get with your therapist to help you untangle them so you can make the best decisions from a rational place.

misereri

Date posted: 25w

Read please, it's important for me.

Background: I'm 17 about to be 18. I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S( which I now cut contact with) months and months ago, I came clean to my boyfriend and he forgave me but that's when this all started. I'm not diagnosed with Ocd yet but jm seeing a local counselor. Now: In the past months I've been having thoughts like " what if I love S" "What if my boyfriend is just a friend to me" "I'd rather S did that * insert sexual thing or normal romantic thing*" " S wouldn't do that" "What if I secretly love S" "I love S" and I kept imagining scenarios with S to test how I'd react physically. These thoughts are there everyday for me 24/7, some days it's worse some it's better but I cry about them everyday because they build up and I just explode. I don't want to have them but they get worse and worse with time and I'm scared they reflect some kind of truth because of my past. I finished to have a crisis now, lasted at least 1 hour and I cried my heart out, my mind was like " I dont want anyone else to touch me like my boyfriend does" but then it said back " I love S" " I want S to do that" ecc ecc, got so bad I need to refocus during sex and I need to see my boyfriends face to be sure it's him because I'm scared S is gonna come into my mind and I'm gonna get turned on for him thing that scares me to death. I had the same with pedo like thoughts, for a while I had to avoid children because I was convinced I was a pedo. This comes and goes but the theme it's most in my mind it's this S theme around my relationship. I love my boyfriend and I don't want any of this, can someone please suggest me what to do?

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

Ocdhelp__

Date posted: 16w

HELP PLEASE.

I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.

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18+ only!!!!

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