- Date posted
- 49w
Any advice about existential and religious OCD?
Apologies for the long message, but considering how terrible of a day I had and therapists don't work on weekends, I mind as well share to see if anyone's got a helpful input for me to consider. Also, this is the first time I'm using this post thingy. Initially, I suffer from something I consider to be standard OCD. Of course, OCD is no joke because in case of my experience, I ruminate over 10 hours a day. I mainly think about the existential stuff nowadays as I become more fixated about the possibility of the need to satisfy a God. Which God? Who knows? Maybe some do, but I don't. Lol. This all stemed from experiencing coincidences; the type where one fact aligns to myself and then another fact aligns to myself in another rare way (I guess as an example, my name relates to being a gift from God, and there is a fictional character who's name is legit just a number, but because his personality revolves around religion and his number matches my month and day of birth, I associate him to be the same as me, marking any of his advice as a possible substantial message given beyond the human comprehension.) You can see from inside the parentheses how sophisticated my thinking is, despite that I didn't amend it to make it more articulate. Slowly, these thoughts have increased in terror, making my rumination more substantial and existential. From thinking of the possibility that a God may want me to pay attention to the coincidences it sends to me, now I contemplate over what if I missed out on a coincidence? Would it punish me? Would it punish my family? Would it punish everyone I love? Is everyone damned for eternity? And, it doesn't help with how vague religion is. Christianity claims that God is the true one, but then Islam says Inshallah, you are wrong. Allah is the righteous one. But then Judaism comes in and says Nah, our God is legit. Like Jesus... and then theres the fact that there are polytheistic religions and all of the different variations and unpopular religions... the transcendental seems endless. Through this, it makes me think, what if there are more Gods out there in the universe? What if unlike the teachings, they are more sinister? Cause I mean, it's kinda odd to think that every religion would help humans out, no? It does align with the nature of the universe, but, doubt? I just dont know what to think anymore. Heck, my brain is so fried, I wasn't able to read the syllabuses for any of my classes... Of course, doesnt help that I'm sleeping at 1 AM, but... I need something... Cause I can't keep thinking that what if I need to solve something that a God requires me to do, but I'm ignoring it? What if everything is fake and everything doesn't matter in this life, but Ill get punished for some reason in the afterlife? I don't want to drop out of university, but I know graduating is possible. I need to find some way immediately before the workload begins to stack up.