I’m confused

I’m here with you. I recently started having this OCD thought. I feel like it all started with a movie I watched and the girl kind of looked like me and acted like me and she found out she was gay. I don’t like these thoughts and I’m constantly dealing with compulsions on it. I get intrusive thoughts or I test myself to see if I like women and all of it is painful. I don’t know what advice to give except maybe you are gay and maybe you’re not. You kind of just have to sit with the uncertainty.

hey there! 😊 first off, i just want to say that it's totally okay to be feeling confused and questioning things right now. it's a part of figuring out who you are, and it's great that you're reaching out to try and make sense of your feelings! so, let's talk about SO-OCD (sexual orientation OCD) a bit. it's when OCD latches onto questioning your sexual orientation, causing a lot of anxiety and doubt. it can make you feel like you need to be 100% sure about your sexuality, which is super tricky because, well, who really is? 😅 but how do you know if it's SO-OCD or genuine questioning? well, one big clue is the level of anxiety and distress you're feeling. SO-OCD often comes with a lot of fear and the need for certainty—like you HAVE to know for sure, right now. it's like your brain is stuck in a loop, constantly asking "what if?" and making you doubt what you actually want. on the flip side, questioning your sexuality can be more of a curious exploration, even if it's a bit confusing or uncomfortable at times. it's okay to not have all the answers right away—sexuality can be fluid and it's a spectrum, after all! it sounds like you're feeling a lot of pressure to label yourself, but remember, you don't have to rush into anything. it's okay to be unsure and to take your time figuring it out. maybe focus on what feels right for you, rather than what you think you "should" feel. also, it's great that you have a supportive environment—that's a huge plus! maybe talking to someone you trust about these feelings could help too. and remember, no matter what you discover about yourself, you're still you—and that's pretty amazing! 🌈 so hang in there, keep exploring, and be kind to yourself. you're not alone in this journey, and it will get clearer with time. sending you lots of good vibes and support! 💖✨

I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel and you are so not alone. My situation sounds exactly the same. It’s hard to feel like you need to “figure it out” but with time it will become clear to you. the best thing to do is not engage in the compulsions but rather stick to the ERP even though I know it is so difficult. You can do this and i’m cheering you on ❤️

Hi from a 23 y/o girl also w ocd, I know how isolating this feeling probably is & want to let you know you aren’t alone. I went through something a little similar, thinking I was straight my whole life but often feeling like a liar when I said I was straight, & not having very many crushes. Eventually (2 yrs ago) I met a girl who is now my girlfriend, but it took me quite some time to fully get on board, in retrospect it was mainly because I did not want to be gay. I realized, you don’t choose to be gay, it just happens, & then you know. This was my experience at least. I had nothing against it for others, I honestly was just so scared that my family wouldn’t accept me & I was not confident at all in myself at the time, so changing my sexual orientation seemed so daunting. I’m confident with my sexuality now & so so happy I decided to follow my heart & tell my family etc, but it was so difficult at the time. My advice to you would be let love be the teller. & love can’t be forced or rushed. You may be straight, you may be bi, you may be gay, but at the end of the day it’s all love<3 it’s so hard not knowing though, & it’s especially not an easy place to be with such a busy & demanding mind. Sending you love. In your paragraph, you say you want to be with men, & that’s so valid & real!! Trust that. When it comes to possibly being into women, you might never truly know unless you end up falling in love with one. My advice would be to be true to yourself. Trust your gut.

Have you considered that you may potentially be asexual/aromantic? Or demisexual/demiromantic? Sexuality can be weird and when you feel as you've described towards the opposite gender, it can be very confusing. Especially when society tells us girls that we should be boy-crazy and just SUPER into guys. So when we're not...it makes us question if there's something wrong with us. I'm 34F and I came out as gay at 15. I honestly didn't know I was gay until only a few months before I came out. I did know that I didn't like guys the way my friends did. I had a couple of "boyfriends" (we dated for like 2 days hahaha) in middle school and it made me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. I didn't understand why. It didn't make sense, but growing up in a small rural town, I didn't even really know you could be gay I guess. I wanted to like guys. I tried. But the thought of one touching me absolutely made my skin crawl. Then my best friend (who had only been with guys) told me she thought she liked me. I had an existential crisis, and then we ended up dating for two years lol. And it just made sense. I felt comfortable. I wasn't grossed out. Nothing. So, if you are grossed out by the thought of being with women, you're most likely *not* gay. All this to say, your feelings are valid. And my question to you is...why does your sexuality matter? (I know as a fellow OCD-er, rationale isn't always our strong suit with our compulsions ha) As someone else said, let love be the teller. PS- sexuality is so very fluid. Our society loves to force labels on people, but those labels end up pigeonholing us and making us feel stuck in something we may no longer feel comfortable in. I'm a lesbian and I have been attracted to trans men. Many in our society would tell me I'm no longer a lesbian if I dated a trans man, because well...man. But I'd still consider myself a lesbian because I'd never date a cis-man. Labels are what you make of them. You get to define them.