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@BigGyro09 Thank you. I know it’s been years and I try to accept there’s nothing I can do to change it. And also knowing I didn’t have any ill intentions. But it still uncomfortable and hard to deal with, and start getting frustrated not understanding how I could’ve thought it was ok, not ending up with any answers or solutions.

@bloominglotus If it helps, you definitely aren't alone. I've been through similar things when I was a teenager and they still bother me a lot to this day. I just try my best to offer self comparison and work on my self esteem. I think that can help you as well. I feel like in some ways this stuff really damaged and messed me up but I also think there's a chance I'll get better. I know you can get better too.

@BigGyro09 Thank you so much, I appreciate that, and that’s good advice. I wish you the best and hope you can heal as well.

@Leaff Thank you so much for your comment. I’m relieved I’m not the only one and that you’ve heard similar stories, but I still feel bad of course. I understand, I avoid anything with anime characters now because I feel guilty, idk I probably shouldn’t be avoiding. I really believe that’s what I had thought, maybe I just assumed. I hadn’t had any other intention other than looking for a visual. I really think I would’ve felt so bad if I’d known. Of course now I feel like what if I did know? I definitely won’t ever make a mistake like this again, and thank you so much for saying that that means a lot you don’t think I’m a monster. I’ve been worried about this for a long time and think of it every day, and I feel like I’m numb to it so I feel worried I don’t feel as horrible as I should. I will definitely take your advice, I appreciate it so so much. What do you mean about the hierarchy?

@bloominglotus POCD comes with a lot a lot of feelings of shame and guilt, I’ve experienced it as well. I used to feel numb too, when it was at its worst. It will take time, but it will fade. Practicing self care can help a lot, it did for me. So instead of being hard on myself when I experienced triggers, I learned to accept them as a symptom of my disorder and to be kind to myself instead. As for the hierarchy, it means setting up triggers in order of how much anxiety they cause. It’s determined out of a scale of 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 the highest. Try to find a trigger that causes a lvl 1-4 reaction and start there before moving onto the next highest trigger. You would practice exposing yourself to this and not ruminating.

@Leaff Thank you again so much for taking the time to talk with me and leave such helpful advice, and for also sharing your feelings as well. You really helped me a lot today and your first comment helped me relax a lot. I will definitely take your advice.

@bloominglotus No problem! I’m glad that I could help :)