I was doing so well last couple of years, then out the blue I got hit recently with an old theme. It’s so crazy that I’ve had nearly 2 years realising that the theme wasn’t real, now I’m back in it, it feels so bloody real, like 1% could happen through the ocd filter means it’s defo gonna happen and my life will be over
Honestly, it’s so hard having OCD bro! It’s such a difficult mental disorder! The thing is with OCD, you have to understand that the theme is actually irrelevant at the end of the day! It’s crucial to understand this because OCD will play whack-a-mole with you otherwise! Think of it like this, this is just an example: You were struggling with Harm OCD, but then you finally got better and realised that OCD was just trying to trick you and you no longer are worried about harming someone. Then out of nowhere, you start to doubt if you are straight or gay! It’s a completely different theme, but it feels so scary because you have never experienced it before. The most important thing to understand, is that OCD is the ‘DOUBT’ disorder! That’s all it is! It just causes us to have an extreme intolerance to doubt and uncertainty in all aspects of life! It can cause us to doubt absolutely anything and everything in life! If you focus on getting over themes compared to getting over doubt, then your OCD will start to target different aspects! But when you look at OCD for what it is, the doubt disorder, you will understand that the content/themes/obsessions are actually irrelevant! Don’t get me wrong bro, I know how scary they can be! They can cause us to believe anything and everything (trust me, I been there 😒). But what helped me along my journey is understanding that OCD is centred around doubt! It is difficult, I know! But when you look at OCD and everything it tries to do, whether it be Harm OCD or whatever theme it is, all it is trying to do is to get you to doubt yourself about everything! I hope this helped bro! You got this man! Just stick to your response preventions! It’s the only way to show OCD that you ARE in control ! 😎 Here are some response preventions that are helpful: “Wow OCD, is that all you got? “Nice try, but better luck next time😆” “You tried this before OCD, I’m not falling for your tricks again!”
@AaronB1111 Thanks man, yes that was very helpful It feels like I’ve forgotten everything I needed to be reminded
Yep same here. Themes and obsessions that even months ago I could laugh at how silly it felt that I obsessed over are now ruling my life in shocking and horrible ways. The feeling of it being real is so unbelievably shocking. you are not alone.
@jennamax20 That’s what’s soo mad eh, I’ve been so happy about it all last year or so, then this old theme suddenly feels real again
@Mowgli Yep and for me the thought/memory came out of nowhere and it landed with such intensity and fear like it was the most urgent thing in the world - even though I'd worked through it years past
@jennamax20 Yup that’s exactly what has just happened to me, and I’ve just spent the last year being happy it wasn’t real, now I’m tricked again
Honestly bro, I know exactly how you feel! Just a quick question, have you had ERP therapy before? Or have you managed OCD by yourself (e.g learning about it)?
@AaronB1111 Yup, I’ve done 2 lots of erp therapy over the last couple of years
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
does anyone else with this theme feel like their suic. ocd skyrockets when something in your life happens?? i’ve been doing so good managing these thoughts and not panicking, but i had a event happen in my life and all of them are back hitting hard. i’m arguing with myself on whether im actually depressed or not and “what if this means my thoughts are real”, it’s all what if thoughts, but because ive been doing so good with them, what if they are real this time? like im panicking again because im scared they are real? like i’m not depressed im just going through a few things right now. idk what it is. but i really need tips on how to help with setbacks and what to do to stop myself from arguing with my mind when i already know the truth.
Hey folks, I know I shouldn’t post here and I know what I’m looking for when I do but I just feel so at a loss and OCD is playing the old trick of telling me I don’t have it which I guess is what it’s been doing for a while. My OCD started with a health obsession when I was 12 (I’m 22 now) but went away after a couple of months but didn’t present itself again until I was 17. I thought I had a degenerative disease and struggled with that day in and day out until I eventually accepted that I was going to die and made peace with it and then of course I kept living. OCD was pretty quiet for a few months after that. It would show itself when I had headaches and random aches and pains but it never hooked me as bad. Quite funny actually but I had a weird thing for a couple of months where every time I would go out for a drink I thought I’d wet myself so I’d stand in the bathroom for like 20-30 minutes at a time and that was multiple times across the night. Then in 2021, the theme shifted. I remember it distinctly, I was just lying in bed and a question appeared and that was it. My anxiety was really bad for about a year and then I met my girlfriend and we started dating. OCD went quiet until she moved to another city for university and I started to worry she was being unfaithful or didn’t love me anymore and things like that. With that obsession it kind of came to a head where I realised I either had to fully trust everything despite any doubt I felt or I’d lose her and so it just eventually started to pass. I’ve had a few occasions where I question my love for her and that really hurts because I’m pretty sure I’d be lost without her. That comes and goes though and it usually has to do with a general numbness that I feel after an OCD spike. The theme from 2021 (which I won’t say because I’m somehow worried that someone I know will see this and I will definitely wonder if people near me have seen this post despite it being pretty closed off.) never left but I was somehow able to put it to the back of my mind and get to a point where I was okay. I got a new job in 2024 at a point where I maybe was not ready. New place, new people and for the first 2 months or so it was fine. I even saw some potential triggers before they happened and did my best to ignore them. I got really drunk on a staff night out and when I woke up a lot of what ifs filled my head and I’ve been on my back since then. That brings us to now, my OCD has been pretty bad for about a year now but the weird part (and what I’m making this post about I guess) is that it feels different this time. I know that’s a super common phrase for people with OCD that therapists hear all the time and I have actually taken that piece of information as reassurance a few times over the years but it’s true. I feel so much more confused. I can’t even really explain it. It feels like my brain doesn’t engage or deny the obsession the same way as it used to and of course that makes me believe it’s real and I never actually had OCD. Instead, I’m left with thoughts that don’t give me that sharp feeling of anxiety that they used to and instead just leave me feeling super low and often angry just wishing it would go away. I think it’s probably because I’ve been at this for so long and had the same theme for years and so I’ve in a way habituated to the anxiety and that’s what rationally makes sense to me but like you all know, you can’t reason with this thing. It’s like it gives me just enough anxiety and depression to keep me on the hook and make it feel real but not enough send me into panic like it used to. I used to lie in bed, unable to get up and wishing that I was dead. I guess that now because I don’t feel that way, at least most of the time, my ocd is using that as a way to tell me I never really had it. Also I think I used to rely so heavily on reassurance but now know that I shouldn’t have it I try to avoid it. Without it though, it all feels real and I feel like eventually I will lose myself fully and that’s a fear that makes me feel unfathomably hopeless and makes me dread the future when I used to have dreams and hopes for myself that I looked forward to fulfilling. I don’t want to be big-headed, I just genuinely feel like I could’ve had a really great life and that’s gone now because of this thing. Anyway I just wanted to kind of use this post to get my head straight and map out something that I couldn’t quite explain effectively in therapy. I appreciate everyone who sees this but ask not to give me reassurance, I know we all empathise with each other but I’ve been at this long enough to know that it does none of us any good. I hope everyone is doing well, keep your head up. They tell me there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.
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