I might go insane

My pocd is so bad, even hearing a child talk in another room makes me wonder if I could be attracted to it's voice. I constantly remind myself that I've only ever liked crushing on people who are my age or older than me but it doesn't help since it's a compulsion. I'm just so tired of the groinals making me feel like I like these thoughts. My ocd turns everything into something sexual and I just feel hypersexual. My ocd is with me every minute of the day. I try to read, I try to work put, I want to make some food, none of it works. I'm constantly on the edge and I feel so bunt out yet I accomplish absolutely nothing. I want to read a book on universalism, I can't concentrate because I am scared I could harm someone I love. I can't sleep in my own bed cause my sister lives on the same floor as me and I need to stand up a dozen times to check if she's on the floor, standing there. My tired brain convinces me I just stood up and harmed her. I go to bed at 10pm and Fall asleep maybe at 2. I'll move out soon and I try to make it work but I'm not sure I can do this anymore

POCD

Rocd-SOS

Date posted: 44w

Gosh that sounds tough xx I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that

Jelena

Date posted: 44w

It is, my parents left us alone so she wouldn't be alone and it triggered the sh!t out of me. She is old enough to care for herself, make herself food and stuff, but I slept on the sofa downstairs bc I knew I wouldn't be sleeping that night anyways. Sorry for the vent, I just need to get this off my chest so bad

Jelena

Date posted: 44w

How are you doing? I think we have different subtypes but hey, yours sounds awful too if I'm honest

Rocd-SOS

Date posted: 44w

@Jelena I’m feeling a bit disappointed in myself, I have been resisting my hardest compulsions for 7 days, and then at 3am I couldn’t sleep and I gave in ☹️ I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but it’s hard because I wasn’t even struggling too much with thoughts that day, but my husbands phone was right there and he was asleep ☹️ I mostly struggle with Rocd - cheating fears and fear of my husband dying. I caught him lying months ago, about an account on fetlife (fetish Facebook basically), we go to socials together, he said he reactivated an old account, but his current account shows it’s newly opened. 😕 I’ve not asked him about it, only because I know I wouldn’t believe anything he said ☹️ and I’m worried he’d delete the old account before I could investigate it to see if there’s a ‘reason’ he made a new account And so I’ve been resisting the urge to snoop on his old account. ☹️ I overheard him start to give another username to someone at an event, then he corrected himself! So I’ve already got the first part of the username 😬 I suspect.! So been fighting the urges for days on end to not try and find out if he’s hiding something. And it’s our 1 year anniversary coming up next week, so that’s sent my ocd flying of course… Sorry, just venting too. I’m too embarrassed to talk to my friends about this because it’s awkward as hell. And I want to recover from ocd and get better, but this feels so urgent and different because it’s based on what seems to be realistic fears But don’t they all 😅 So yeah, I’m trying to resist for my own sake, because I guess if he’s hiding something it would come out eventually, and if I have to get divorced, I’d rather be divorced without massive ocd problems on top. It’s a lot 🥲

Rocd-SOS

Date posted: 44w

@Jelena Have you got therapy support for yourself ? Or any techniques that you’re using to face the fears? ERP and ACT seem to be the most recommended I’ve noticed Personally I’ve been recording my worst fears and playing them back to myself whilst doing chores, to try and desensitise them - it’s helped a bit,

Jelena

Date posted: 44w

@Rocd-SOS Oh no that sounds awful I'm so sorry:/

Rocd-SOS

Date posted: 44w

@Jelena Tbh it helps just to say it all in one go - you’re actually the first person I’ve told about this, so thank you for asking it means a lot to be able to share something so personal Also I think even without ocd this situation would freak me out a bit, but it’s complicated, I don’t want to gaslight myself one way or the other. And I guess, despite how bad these worst case scenarios are - growing my ocd is something I defo want to avoid. 😅 So anything we can do to sit with the fears are making us more well in the long term. ⚔️

Rocd-SOS

Date posted: 44w

Maybe we can set ourselves a challenge today to help tolerate some uncertainty ? Any ideas?

mental Warrior

Date posted: 24w

Hey, how are you doing now?

AnonymousAnx...

Date posted: 22w

My OCD experience

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

Relationship OCD

Vee <3

Date posted: 13w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

My brain hates me (18+)

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

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I might go insane

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