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Username: missbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

Therapy

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Nicola$Nicola$

Date posted: 5w ago

This is extremely relatable cause I just fear the erp will take away the anxiety but the "false atraction" will just be atraction and the "groinal" will just be arousal, and I would be completly happy with that. just finishing writing that gets me scares cause it makes me sound like I'm scared of being happy, sorry

Username: LuNeleLuNele

Date posted: 5w ago

I had the same fear but usually it’s not getting better if you don’t adress something and it’s simmering inside you on and on. I’m in therapy now and he confirmed my suspicion that I have OCD, predominantly of the Pure-O type so mainly thoughts and stuff and even though he confirmed it I’m still anxious that I might tricked him into saying so. You’re going to be scared and anxious either way for a while but at least in therapy we will learn how to deal with it. So, I’m sorry that I’m frank about it and I do share your fears but doing something about it feels better than still letting OCD running my life. Wouldn’t you say ? It takes guts to seek therapy but I would say it takes guts to live with OCD so be brave and try it, sadly it won’t go away on its own and it will put up a fight.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@LuNele No, I appreciate your frankness. I feel very hopeless and like I will never get my life back. It feels like I never had my life. This has gone on since I was 12 years old….thats too young for SOOCD.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@LuNele Also, I’ve been diagnosed but I also believe I have lied to my doctors to get the diagnosis.

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

I felt the exact same way before starting therapy. I was so scared that the exposures would make me realize my thoughts were real and that I want to act on them. But that didn’t happen! If anything when I am in a spiral, I use my past exposures in my evidence list to gain my self trust back. It’s so scary but so worth it!

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@LV4523 Thank you for your kind words. What is an “evidence” list?

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@LV4523 Like evidence that you are straight?

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky Just a list of things that prove your obsession true and untrue. It’s a way to just see the thought neutrally

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@LV4523 I’ve made lists like these as compulsions 😭

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

That's a common fear. And hey I was 14 when mine started and I've chatted with people who had mit around the same age or younger so it does happen

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning Was it really bad when it started? Mine was really bad right away

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky A little? Mine has always come in waves. Like it was bad but it slowly faded to the background (the doubts never left) and then a flare in 2020 and now it's as it's always been. Like, the thoughts and doubts are always there and they bother me sometimes other times not too much sometimes in the same day

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning That’s exactly how mine is. The thoughts never ever leave me— I think about being a lesbian/bisexual every single day, and even though I don’t want it, I’m not scared every day. I have flare ups every few months.

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning Also, as in “little” I meant as it didn't last too long but I was PANICKED when that first thought hit

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky Yeah same for me, even when I don't have anxiety it always feels like there's something I need to figure out/ admit to myself

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning How long have you had this?

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky 10 years on and off

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning I worry because mine was like really, really bad for three months. I was 12 and constantly throwing up/crying, staying home from school, googling, everything. Then it slowly started to fade into the background and then came back like a year later, and then away for two years and then in 2017 it hit me really hard again and I was diagnosed, then away for a year and then came back in 2019 and has been pretty constant since then.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning Exactly me. Literally exactly me.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 5w ago

@thebeginning Are you in therapy?

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky Yeah that definitely sounds like OCD and having a diagnosis helps! See mine has never been super bad like that which makes me doubt because I'm not diagnosed. Obviously my first instinct my to google but the quizzes stressed me out so much I stopped and I think avoidance has become my main compulsion

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 5w ago

@missbluesky No, I'm not even diagnosed because I don't think it's ever reached a level bad enough to get a diagnosis

Username: kcer3kcer3

Date posted: 4w ago

I relate so much to your story. I’ve just had all these down. Start popping up in my mind this past summer. When I reflect back, I’ve definitely felt instances of it but buried it down. And the hardest part is my OCD will send me on a spiral, and make me doubt every action and think every thing I’ve done is a signal that it’s actually true. I’m in an amazing heterosexual relationship that I want to keep, but it is really hard with the constant intrusive thoughts that I have in my head that make me doubt my sexuality. a community like this is helpful, but it can often cause a spiral if you’re constantly ruminating in it and researching and doing all of those habitual patterns. I know it’s easier said than done but try to find a balance between those thoughts and side of you because it will continue to grow. I don’t mean to avoid it but maybe try practicing other things like meditation to create more space in your mind and let yourself process your feelings naturally. I think the most triggering thing for me is to read articles where people talk about those feelings because I always have this deep down thought that what if it’s not a feeling it’s true and that what if me talking about it is me just trying to avoid it or pretend it’s not true I want to show up as I truly am. I know that that’s what you are too. Could care for something like this but a great way to start giving yourself grace is exploring how you can detach yourself from the negativity of that situation as in say that something like this were to be true, so what or I can have these thoughts and still participate in my life. it’s perfect answer but I do hope that there are other people experiencing these things and often times the messages that are being delivered by our thoughts Aren’t what we actually want

Username: kytalker

Date posted: 1y ago

Help

Hi everyone! I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that I did about something related to SO-OCD… I’m finally discovering that I might have this sub genre of OCD and have had it for a very long time. I have always felt awkward around other women especially in more intimate situations (like changing in the same room, laying in bed together or giving compliments about looks). All of this hit me like a ton of bricks when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years ago and our sex life started to decline after about 9 months of us being together. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I obsess over finding out why I have grown not attracted to him sexually. Am I a lesbian? Am I just depressed? Am I falling out of love with him? Was I ever in love with him? The list goes on and my obsession with it grows stronger. I’m so scared I will have to break up with him because I do love him and love spending time with him. I’m scared to start ERP therapy because I’m worried I’ll realize that it’s best to just let him go 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: 🫠

Date posted: 1y ago

Total Panic

After having a peaceful couple weeks, I'm panicked and on edge. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel like I *NEED* to know my sexuality. My current therapist doesn't think I have OCD, only that I have an attachment wound that needs healing. I don't really have parents anymore and only some of my family are attending the wedding. I suspect I have SO-OCD, because of the desperate need to know if I'm bisexual or secretly a lesbian. Ever since spiraling again, *every* thought goes back to questioning my sexuality, or the sexuality of others. I even get triggered by seeing hugging sisters. Before I thought I had SO-OCD, I was desperately trying to figure out if my partner was "the one". Now that I'm engaged the theme has changed and now I need to figure out my sexuality. I'm not looking for reassurance but I guess posting here gives some kind of relief. What can someone do in my situation? I feel like there's a timer to everything and I need to know ASAP. I don't want to start ERP right now. Can NOCD still help without doing ERP? Thank you, thank you x

Username: yessyess

Date posted: 48w ago

Starting ERP with NOCD today

I was able to sleep better but being calm takes me down to a spiral. I’m scared, what if I’m bisexual or a lesbian and I’m just lying to myself? What if I like the exposures, what if the exposures become my moment of truth? I feel like my attraction to men is there but it has disappeared. My mind keeps screaming I am lying about being straight and my attraction to men. It makes me feel like I like the idea of being with a woman now. My face smiles, it feels like it’s playing cruel games. I don’t see myself growing old with a woman. I know it’s OCD, but it just feels so real. I have friends and family who would accept me if I were bisexual or a lesbian. But I don’t want to. I feel like I have fed this monster even more fuel with doing mental reviews and googling. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve struggled with SO-OCD in the past and was able to not think about my sexuality. But this time it just feels so real. I started sertraline yesterday. I know ERP is going to be hard work, but I’m just scared what if I’ve been in denial? I don’t want to lose another part of myself. My heart goes out to the bisexual community and how challenging it may be for them loving two or multiple genders. But I just don’t want to be with a woman. But my mind is telling me I have internalized biphobia. I just don’t want to. I hate this so much.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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