Username: missbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

Therapy

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Nicola$Nicola$

Date posted: 9w ago

This is extremely relatable cause I just fear the erp will take away the anxiety but the "false atraction" will just be atraction and the "groinal" will just be arousal, and I would be completly happy with that. just finishing writing that gets me scares cause it makes me sound like I'm scared of being happy, sorry

Username: LuNeleLuNele

Date posted: 9w ago

I had the same fear but usually it’s not getting better if you don’t adress something and it’s simmering inside you on and on. I’m in therapy now and he confirmed my suspicion that I have OCD, predominantly of the Pure-O type so mainly thoughts and stuff and even though he confirmed it I’m still anxious that I might tricked him into saying so. You’re going to be scared and anxious either way for a while but at least in therapy we will learn how to deal with it. So, I’m sorry that I’m frank about it and I do share your fears but doing something about it feels better than still letting OCD running my life. Wouldn’t you say ? It takes guts to seek therapy but I would say it takes guts to live with OCD so be brave and try it, sadly it won’t go away on its own and it will put up a fight.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@LuNele No, I appreciate your frankness. I feel very hopeless and like I will never get my life back. It feels like I never had my life. This has gone on since I was 12 years old….thats too young for SOOCD.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@LuNele Also, I’ve been diagnosed but I also believe I have lied to my doctors to get the diagnosis.

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w ago

I felt the exact same way before starting therapy. I was so scared that the exposures would make me realize my thoughts were real and that I want to act on them. But that didn’t happen! If anything when I am in a spiral, I use my past exposures in my evidence list to gain my self trust back. It’s so scary but so worth it!

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@LV4523 Thank you for your kind words. What is an “evidence” list?

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@LV4523 Like evidence that you are straight?

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky Just a list of things that prove your obsession true and untrue. It’s a way to just see the thought neutrally

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@LV4523 I’ve made lists like these as compulsions 😭

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

That's a common fear. And hey I was 14 when mine started and I've chatted with people who had mit around the same age or younger so it does happen

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning Was it really bad when it started? Mine was really bad right away

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky A little? Mine has always come in waves. Like it was bad but it slowly faded to the background (the doubts never left) and then a flare in 2020 and now it's as it's always been. Like, the thoughts and doubts are always there and they bother me sometimes other times not too much sometimes in the same day

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning That’s exactly how mine is. The thoughts never ever leave me— I think about being a lesbian/bisexual every single day, and even though I don’t want it, I’m not scared every day. I have flare ups every few months.

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning Also, as in “little” I meant as it didn't last too long but I was PANICKED when that first thought hit

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky Yeah same for me, even when I don't have anxiety it always feels like there's something I need to figure out/ admit to myself

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning How long have you had this?

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky 10 years on and off

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning I worry because mine was like really, really bad for three months. I was 12 and constantly throwing up/crying, staying home from school, googling, everything. Then it slowly started to fade into the background and then came back like a year later, and then away for two years and then in 2017 it hit me really hard again and I was diagnosed, then away for a year and then came back in 2019 and has been pretty constant since then.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning Exactly me. Literally exactly me.

Username: missblueskymissbluesky

Date posted: 9w ago

@thebeginning Are you in therapy?

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky Yeah that definitely sounds like OCD and having a diagnosis helps! See mine has never been super bad like that which makes me doubt because I'm not diagnosed. Obviously my first instinct my to google but the quizzes stressed me out so much I stopped and I think avoidance has become my main compulsion

Username: thebeginning thebeginning

Date posted: 9w ago

@missbluesky No, I'm not even diagnosed because I don't think it's ever reached a level bad enough to get a diagnosis

Username: kcer3kcer3

Date posted: 9w ago

I relate so much to your story. I’ve just had all these down. Start popping up in my mind this past summer. When I reflect back, I’ve definitely felt instances of it but buried it down. And the hardest part is my OCD will send me on a spiral, and make me doubt every action and think every thing I’ve done is a signal that it’s actually true. I’m in an amazing heterosexual relationship that I want to keep, but it is really hard with the constant intrusive thoughts that I have in my head that make me doubt my sexuality. a community like this is helpful, but it can often cause a spiral if you’re constantly ruminating in it and researching and doing all of those habitual patterns. I know it’s easier said than done but try to find a balance between those thoughts and side of you because it will continue to grow. I don’t mean to avoid it but maybe try practicing other things like meditation to create more space in your mind and let yourself process your feelings naturally. I think the most triggering thing for me is to read articles where people talk about those feelings because I always have this deep down thought that what if it’s not a feeling it’s true and that what if me talking about it is me just trying to avoid it or pretend it’s not true I want to show up as I truly am. I know that that’s what you are too. Could care for something like this but a great way to start giving yourself grace is exploring how you can detach yourself from the negativity of that situation as in say that something like this were to be true, so what or I can have these thoughts and still participate in my life. it’s perfect answer but I do hope that there are other people experiencing these things and often times the messages that are being delivered by our thoughts Aren’t what we actually want

Username: missbluesky

Date posted: 3y ago

How am I supposed to live my life as a straight woman when I have all these memories of things I’ve done and evidence that proves I’m gay? I don’t understand how that’s responsible. This is my only theme, and I’ve had it on and off since I was 12. It’s been pretty “on” for the last 3 years, and I just don’t see how this is OCD. Why does this have to be my theme? Why couldn’t I get something less realistic or possible to happen? I worry that I will never be free of this, that I’ll never be able to have a relationship. I’m 20 years old and I’ve been scared of being a lesbian since I was 12. This cannot be OCD, it just cant. I simply don’t understand. I am turned on by lesbian porn, for Christ sake! Even when I’m not actively doing compulsions, the thoughts are still there, but I have no anxiety. They’re just there. I don’t understand how this can be OCD. I’ve been diagnosed several times by several different doctors, but it feels like I know I’ve been lying to them. Whenever I hear about people with REAL OCD, I get a pit in my stomach because I know I don’t have it and I’m a liar and a fraud. Also, does anyone else question the nature of this obsession? Like I feel like this is such an obscure mental illness, not to mention an obscure obsession within that mental illness. It just feels like this big elaborate story that is true for some people, but false for most (particularly me). Like, what the hell are the chances that a regular, normal girl from California has a crippling fear of being a lesbian for almost half of her life, but isn’t actually a lesbian and instead has OCD? That just seems like bullshit. It seems like a cop out. I’m saying this regarding me, not anyone else. I’d really like to talk to someone. I’m having a really hard day.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: kytalker

Date posted: 1y ago

Help

Hi everyone! I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that I did about something related to SO-OCD… I’m finally discovering that I might have this sub genre of OCD and have had it for a very long time. I have always felt awkward around other women especially in more intimate situations (like changing in the same room, laying in bed together or giving compliments about looks). All of this hit me like a ton of bricks when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years ago and our sex life started to decline after about 9 months of us being together. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I obsess over finding out why I have grown not attracted to him sexually. Am I a lesbian? Am I just depressed? Am I falling out of love with him? Was I ever in love with him? The list goes on and my obsession with it grows stronger. I’m so scared I will have to break up with him because I do love him and love spending time with him. I’m scared to start ERP therapy because I’m worried I’ll realize that it’s best to just let him go 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: missbluesky

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s Back

I know I shouldn’t be posting because it’s a compulsion, but I don’t believe that I have OCD. This is my only theme and it’s lasted on and off since I was 12. During that time I’ve had my first kiss, lost my virginity, graduated from both high school and college, and still I am terrified that I’m attracted to women. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD more times than I can count but when I tell people I have it, I feel like a fraud. I’ve been told I give gay vibes, I don’t always get fully wet when I have sex, and I’ve never had an orgasm with a partner— only alone. It’s not like I don’t have sexual experience either; I’ve had sex with ten people. I’m 21 (almost 22) now and feel like the only way out of this is by accepting that I’m a lesbian and I’ve just had a harder time accepting it than your average person. It’s been almost 10 years…I see no other possibility. I’d really appreciate if any other women that have struggled with this for a long time could talk.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Therapy

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community