It’s happening again

Can anyone give me any advise? I have been in therapy for a couple months and been taking medication and doing everything I can to get better. Today I literally am back to square one having harm intrusive thoughts that I want to hurt people and that I want to know what it’s like and everything. I’m trying SO HARD not to ruminate and just letting the thought be there. I hear therapists say “go by your values” I feel like idk what my values are anymore. I know what I want them to be but idk because I don’t know anything.

Harm OCD

s13

Date posted: 43w

i can really resonate with “not knowing” what your values are anymore but knowing what you want them to be ocd plays tricky games so we second guess ourselves you do in fact know what your values and morals are but ocd wants you to second guess everything i like to tell myself i am in control of my body and i know what i want my life to look like these thoughts can sit here for as long as they want but im going to continue living life the way i want harm ocd is honestly the evilest subtype and is gross how easily it can turn a good few months into feeling like you’re right back where u started just remember if you wanted to have these thoughts you wouldn’t worry about wanting to feel better or trying to understand your values so much being a good person is important to you don’t let ocd twist your feelings and turn you against yourself i hope we can both recover from this

ScuderiaAlpha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w

I know exactly what you mean. It can be difficult to “go by your values” when you fear losing those values and get the thoughts of “what if I don’t know what my values are even though I know what I want them to be?” “what if I lose those values?”. Harm OCD knows no bounds when it comes to intrusive thoughts. Don’t have to be “what ifs” can be intrusive commands, intrusive statements, intrusive urges even. But the therapists are right. I know because I’ve been in your position. Whatever you’re thinking, I’ve thought it. I PROMISE you, I really do. There’s nothing you could say that could shock me. But as I said the therapists are right. When we allow our thoughts to be there without judgment or ruminating about them or trying to figure out what they mean, the more they really do lose power. It’s also worth noting that OCD recovery is NEVER linear. You can feel like things are getting better and then the next day it’s really tough. It does get better though the more you stick to allowing your thoughts to be there without doing anything about them and it does take time, but it is worth it in the end. However tough it gets, whatever thought OCD throws at you, just keep going with ERP because it is worth it in the end. The worst days of OCD are the important foundation building blocks of the amazing ones. :)

lightlove

Date posted: 43w

If you’re having intrusions about it, it means you don’t want it. A healthy safe word helps when it happens. God bless.

FaithSheagren

Date posted: 25w

Intrusive thoughts about intrusive thoughts

Hi everyone. I’ve been doing therapy for about two months now and I would say it’s slowly helping me a lot. I explained to her the breathing techniques and “sitting in the anxiety for a bit” and I feel like those are helping. But then my therapist said “don’t sit in the thought because then you might act on it”. I don’t “sit in the thought” but rather i sit in the anxiety to comdition my brain into thinking it’s not a threat. But ever since yesterday, my therapy appointment, I’ve been really shooken up. Even though I don’t “sit in the thought” I feel like a bad person that she even had to bring it up even though I explained it wrong. I’m so upset I feel like I just took 3000 steps back from my progress and this little thing is really scaring me. Am I a bad person? I don’t want to act on any of my thoughts and it scares me so bad I hate living.

AnonymousOne...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

I don't know what's happening...

I feel like the thoughts are telling me, "You want this, you want to be attracted to kids" when I know that's not the case. I've been stuck ruminating for the past couple of days and I'm so worried about this disorder convincing me that I'm something I've never been. I try not to fight it, but when I don't it feels like I'm giving into it like it's true. The meds I'm on keep me from being super depressed, but it's still there. I feel like I'm going to act on my thoughts one day and it worries me. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know if this is progress or a relapse. Even when having intercourse with my partner, I had to thought block because the thoughts were images while in the middle of it. Then afterwards, they came flooding in saying that I was doing it as a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I try to pinpoint all of my triggers, but sometimes I don't think I even have any. I feel like a monster. I'm honestly scared.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

No therapy, harm ocd need advice Asap please

I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do

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