Everyone says that if you sit with anxiety the thought gonna pass. And what if I’m feeling no anxiety but want to cry and throw up (maybe little bit of anxiety) what I do then? This thought in my mind all day I’m going crazyy. I want to end it all I’m afraid. Please someone help. And the urge to act on it is so much I want to throw up
Then you feel no anxiety. OCD makes you question, if your thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc. are appropriate, but it also makes you question yourself, in case you don't think, or feel what you usually think, or feel in specific situations, or what you would expect to think, or feel. OCD is never satisfied, it's a lose-lose for you and a win-win situation for as long as you play by OCD's rules. Make OCD play by your rules instead. If you really feel like self-harming, please get medical help immediately!
@Zoë_84 So if I’m not feeling anxiety how am I still obsessed and doubt myself. I feel something in my throat all day wanting to throw up and can’t stop crying. Why im still doing it if I’m not anxious? And I have to wait a week to see a psychiatrist. This will be a hard week like always
@OrMsB I was about to answer, but that would be reassurance and giving you reassurance would feed the monster that's OCD. Stay focused on your appointment with your psychiatrist and try to get a therapist specialized in ERP, too. Only taking medication might not give you the reduction of symptoms you want, so it's best to try a combined approach.
@Zoë_84 I’m already doing erp, well trying . My therapist is good but I just can’t do it. She told me to write scripts that scare me so the anxiety will go down. She told me to do it 5 times a week but I do it once. I’m the one who can’t do it I’m trying but I’m scared. Like I’m thinking about it all day so erp means more and I don’t want to do it . I really want the meds to help but I feel like with my luck they won’t and I stay like this
@OrMsB I had formerly been diagnosed with being treatment resistant, but medication still helped and after I had found a really good, one that accepts my boundaries and was okay with me doing really tiny steps - ERP with an anxiety level of 1 out of 10, not 8 ouf 10 like a lot of my former therapists requested - it worked. Those scripts that you write, do they contain horror scenarios that get you very anxious?
@Zoë_84 Yes, and can I ask you a question? Do you think that meds made you more calm? Every time I live my house im more anxious (im still anxious when I’m at home) but I can’t calm down when I’m outside because the fear of seeing a baby. Like my head physically hearts
@OrMsB Hm, I have taken a few different SSRIs, I'd say the took off the edge a bit, but that was over 10 years ago. The one I'm currently taking I don't take for OCD, but for depression and therefore I take a lower dose, than one usually takes for OCD. I can't really tell, which effect this medication has on my OCD, as my fear regarding to leaving the house mainly stems from my depression.
My themes change a lot and I usually do 1 ERP session a day. Each day I may do a different script depending on what is bothering me that day. It's important to not ruminate throughout the day, as much as possible.
@Garrett Maguire By script you mean a scenario containing your OCD themes, which you read out or record and then listen to?
I feel the same way. I’m not experiencing the same theme but it feels the same as far as attempting to sit with the anxiety of my Harm OCD. Stay strong it will eventually pass.
I agree, start ERP with a, less anxiety provoking, script. Then gradually work your way, up through the hierarchy over time.
@Garrett Maguire We started with a short one and moved for longer . But it doesn’t help because im obsessed about different thoughts all the time
Please help
Yes or if it's a sentence, I write it repeatedly on two pages of a copybook, but most importantly don't do compulsions at the same time.
So recently my mind is trying to make me feel like I accept the thoughts, like I'm ok with for example loving X person. After I get a thought like that and I realize it I get anxious and, like right now, I cry for 1 hour+ on the bathroom floor. I feel exhausted and I want to know if I'm the only one having this.
I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞
I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore
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