Fear of partner cheating

Helloo :) I never really see much about my specific theme which is scared of my bf cheating on me, or me manifesting him cheating on me. I get a couple others such as “he’s going to leave me, “ he finds me unattractive”, or “ what if he shares my private photos” etc. I usually get more “statement” thoughts rather than “what ifs” which makes me even more worried, I could of course be psychic/ my “gut feeling” is correct but whatever 🤣 was just wondering if anyone else had this type of rocd instead of the more common “ I must leave him” type :)

Relationship OCD

Muffin34

Date posted: 43w

You have to remember that they’re just thoughts. All of those “what ifs” is ocd speaking but you can’t feed into it. Asking for reassurance, confessing, pushing the thoughts away etc will only make things worse and your ocd will come back 10x stronger. When an intrusive thought about your relationship pops up, you can either ignore it and let it pass by like a cloud or accept uncertainty. Maybe he does find you attractive or maybe he doesn’t. But that’s not for you to figure out right now. And let the anxiety sit there. It feels uncomfortable but over time when your brain notices this type of thinking is not important, you won’t feel anxious about the questions anymore. But when you’re constantly ruminating about it or trying to figure out if your thoughts are true, these thoughts give your brain a signal that they are important and you will only continue to feel bad ab yourself. Ik accepting uncertainty is easier said than done especially because of social media. All you see is stuff about cheating or people confessing that they find their partners unattractive but you still have to accept uncertainty when you see those posts. You and your bf love each other dearly and that’s all that matters. You have to enjoy the relationship because letting ocd control you or your relationship will strain it. You seem exhausted from ocd and he will eventually be too. So when you feel an urge to ask him a question about him cheating or finding you unattractive, in your head say “maybe”. And continue on with your day. OCD hates when you don’t care/accept uncertainty rather than giving it a yes or no answer.

Evbeanie

Date posted: 43w

@Muffin34 Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help me (and others). I am trying the maybe thing currently but your comment still resonates with me. Thank you <3

overitt

Date posted: 43w

@Muffin34 So lovely, thank you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 43w

Me. My fear when I have ROCD flare ups is that he's gonna cheat on me and betray me in some way. It's really painful.

Evbeanie

Date posted: 43w

@Anonymous It really is. I can tell myself whatever, be okay with it, and it’ll still control me

overitt

Date posted: 43w

Yep, this has been my theme for the last few months. It’s horrible. You’re not alone

Evbeanie

Date posted: 43w

@overitt Thank you <3

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 20w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

.Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

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Fear of partner cheating

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