Please tell me I’m not alone?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years today because my rocd got so bad and overwhelming i pretty much convinced myself these past three years of my life i wasn’t “actually in love with him” and that I’ve been “faking” it. He means everything to me and i never actually thought i would break up with him but the thoughts were starting to become so painful i started to ruminate about “if im having these thoughts that means i don’t belong with him” and “we arnwt meant to be.”It’s gotten so bad that when i hear a sad song or break up song I’ve convinced myself that since i heard it that means that i need to break up with him. I’ve never felt such intense feelings our whole 3 years of dating. Now that i actually broke up with him my rocd is telling me that i need to get back with him and i really genuinely do but then i feel like ill always feel these doubts and scary thoughts and that it willl be a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I feel like i just lost the love of my life. I feel like i let my rocd get the best of me and win. Now we aren’t together and i feel broken.

Relationship OCD

sammy57

Date posted: 23w ago

Don’t worry, I’m sure your partner will understand how hard this is for you and if it is meant to be, you will come back together. It’s a good thing that you know what your ocd is telling you (that you don’t love him, etc) and can distinguish that from other thoughts. Try and lean into the fact that you KNOW that this is the fake thought. OCD attacks the things we love, so the fact that it’s created this narrative is proof itself that your love is real.

Bre!

Date posted: 23w ago

@sammy57 Thank you, i know one of my compulsions is seeking reassurance. These comments have definitely made me feel normal and less destructive…up until i get my thoughts again lol. This really means a lot knowing I’m not alone.

sammy57

Date posted: 23w ago

@Bre! You are definitely NOT alone!! And remember that even though the thoughts will come back, you have new tools each time to fight back. You got this!!! ❤️❤️❤️

sammy57

Date posted: 23w ago

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Have you had an in-depth conversation with your partner about this? I am praying for you, it will all turn out alright ❤️❤️

Bre!

Date posted: 23w ago

@sammy57 I have and he has been so patient and kind towards me while I’ve been going through therapy and taking medication to hopefully feel better. But then my rocd was convincing me that I’m only going to therapy and taking meds to suppress my “real” feelings for him (which rocd tells me is that i don’t really love him and I’m faking it and that i need to find someone who understands me better) but I’ve genuinely been so happy and this is my very first boyfriend and relationship. Rocd has convinced me that if we do get married one day that we will get divorced because I’ve never experienced being with anyone else - and since i think that i start ruminating about how since we might get divorced in the future i might as well just break up now. It’s like this everyday, as soon as i wake up it’s a cycle until i go to bed. I don’t understand how this could happen to my relationship because I’ve loved him since i was 18 and he is my first love and i feel like I’ve let me rocd get the best of me.

sammy57

Date posted: 23w ago

@Bre12345! And, it may be true that your ROCD got the best of you, but that doesn’t make you weak or a failure. This can be a thing you can learn and grow from, and it’s not your fault. You are doing your best in a difficult circumstance, you are strong!

purplepanda

Date posted: 22w ago

You’re not alone at all!! i’ve almost left my loving relationship twice in the past 3 weeks because the thoughts have gotten to me so badly that i feel like i have no other choice. It’s very difficult but just knowing that it’s rocd helps. So many people experience this so why do we question ourselves! i’m just choosing to say this is rocd talking to each of my thoughts

jelixa

Date posted: 7w ago

I broke up with my boyfriend last night, I feel similarly and have been consumed with the thoughts of if I'm lying, I'm faking, if I love him etc. I broke up with him because I felt depressed and still felt uncertain about my feelings and I was in a lot of pain, it felt like I just couldn't bare it anymore and I had to break up with him. it was fast, and it caused me and causes me more pain. I feel sad that we're not together and I feel the urge to be back with him but I don't want to be confusing as I have been feeling confused for months and I don't know my mental health feels ruined. I have a therapist and she said she doesn't feel like she can help me and I need further care, she wants me to find a OCD Specialist /psychiatrist. I feel so, overwhelmed, stressed and im in pain. and recently I couldn't stop feeling like a bad person, just like a evil person / narcissist so I just kept going lower and lower until I felt that I needed to escape to leave. the pain is too much to handle, and I feel ashamed that it has been like that with me, and I feel like maybe I didn't try enough for me to get better.

meglucy

Date posted: 23w ago

ROCD spike!! ADVICE WOULD BE AMAZING!!

Having a really bad day with my ocd. Just had a massive meltdown. I’ve had 3 sessions with an ocd therapist and I feel worse. This is very confusing to me. I’ve read online that it’s normal to feel worse at the start of therapy, but i don’t know. I’m asking for a lot of reassurance from people, way more than I have ever done. My doubts and thoughts seem to be getting worse. My mum said if the relationship is making you so unhappy why are you doing it? This was sooo triggering for me but maybe she’s right? She said if I didn’t have the relationship in my life, I wouldn’t be having meltdowns or have an ocd spike, so she thinks I should consider whether to be in the relationship or not! Omg it’s so awful to hear those words. But maybe she is kind of right? If somethings making you anxious or unhappy, you stop don’t you? So why haven’t I broken up with him? That would be the logical step. Im so worried to make myself even more ill so im very scared to carry on with the relationship, because right now, my mind is telling me its the cause of my unhappiness and i would be better without it. But is that my ocd speaking? How do I know?! My life without him would be so bleak, or is it my life without the idea of someone in it? I have so many questions, it’s overwhelming. What if I’m not listening to my gut? Maybe I’m not. That makes me feel sick if I’m ignoring myself again. This is torture. What can I do to stop all these doubts and feel better about things!!! I would love some advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (this is my ocd talking, but comments that agree with my ocd are very triggering like ‘yes if you feel like that that is a major red flag’. Just comments that maybe give some hope, thank you 🙏🏻)

goinkrazy

Date posted: 15w ago

planning to break up with my boyfriend cuz of rocd

i couldn't take this anymore. maybe i'll just let ocd win this time. it's too hard to not have a clear conscience everytime i'm with my bf cuz my mind is telling me i'm unfaithful and don't deserve to be happy. i feel like i'll never get better anymore. i already told myself many times to stop attracting attention from other people especially to people i'm having false attraction to. but i did it again yesterday, right after i smiled a little extra in front of that girl i might be attracted to i could feel the massive anxiety in my chest. already decided last week that i might be actually attracted to her so it's best to fully avoid her. i avoided her with the best i could, but we're in the same classroom and i saw her in my peripheral vision looking at us (my bf and i) whispered to myself not to make any mistake i'll regret, but then i felt like i lose control and laugh a little extra. i searched micro cheating and it says there "trying to impress someone you're attracted to" and now i want to break up with my bf. the guilt is too strong. i couldn't sleep at night.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

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