OrMsB

Date posted: 42w

Shameful compulsion

In the summer I did a shameful compulsion a couple of time to check and get rid of the thought (did it 2 months ago) . I feel horrible about it every day I regret it badly. Like why did I do it. I promise myself o rather kill myself then do it again. Because I cried after I did it. How do I forgive myself. I already posted a post like this before but I feel like I’m not allowed to forgive myself. It was a BAD compulsion. I hate this. I feel like ocd made me a monster

POCD

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

Of course! You're not a monster. Think of yourself as a painter who accidentally spills paint on a canvas. Your regret shows that you care about the masterpiece you're creating. Monsters don't feel remorse. Your actions were driven by desperation, like someone lost in a maze trying to find a way out. It's important to forgive yourself and understand that you were navigating through circumstances that felt beyond your control. Be kind to yourself and recognize that you were almost compelled by the situation.

personwhodoe...

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com can you respond to a question i have please?

OrMsB

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com But like I feel that I crossed the line and that I’m the only one that did it and that’s means that I don’t have ocd. i don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself like living with guilt all the time. At the summer my Pocd got so severe right now it severe too but I’m more strong at resisting a compulsion it’s still very hard and having urge all day. I just hoping one day the urge will be gone but I know it’s not going to happen unfortunately

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

@personwhodoesntkno Ask, but not sure I have the answer.

personwhodoe...

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com i've suspected i had health related ocd for a while now. i've always been terrified of having POCD thoughts because its always been incredibly disturbing to me, and i had this fear so much so that i would regularly have check ins with myself like "you don't like kids, right?" and going as far as checking the ages on any internet person i find remotely found attractive. scrolling on tiktok, i came across a video of a kid who's looks very similar to my current crush (hes my age). i got a funny feeling in my stomach and clicked off the video, immediately panicking. i know im gonna be ruminating on this for a while, and i just dont know what to do. i've been having heightened ocd episodes regarding health/suicidal ideation recently, i think my body and mind to some extent are building resistance to the panic attacks it causes me. i had a small panic attack about this but i think the fact that i KNOW im not a p and would die before i did anything to harm someone is whats allowed me to not be completely torn up over this. a week and a half ago i probably would've done something drastic but now im just dealing with rumination. thoughts?

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

@OrMsB I understand what you're going through, and I know it's not easy. But I truly believe you'll come out of this a million times stronger. Try to delay your compulsion for just one hour. Once you reach that hour, challenge yourself to push it for another hour, and keep building from there. If you experience a setback, start again with two hours and continue pushing against the compulsion. Over time, the thoughts will begin to fade away. Keep going—you've got this!

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

@personwhodoesntkno I want to reassure you that your true self is still very much intact. The fact that you're so careful about checking ages and making sure not to offend minors shows who you really are—a person with a strong moral compass, especially when it comes to protecting minors and children. There's no need to feel guilty or bad about these thoughts, as they aren't truly yours or within your control. It's your OCD brain presenting challenges, and your reaction of disgust shows that this isn't who you are. Take a deep breath and don't let OCD take control of your life. You've got the strength to overcome this!

OrMsB

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com Thats the problem I’m scared the the thought will stay forever. Like if I know for sure that the thoughts will go after some time or will not bother me I would stop even when the urge is the hardest. But I don’t know when or if ever it’s going to stop or not bother me

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

@OrMsB It will get better, but you need to give it a try. ERP sessions and medication, if your therapist recommends it, can make a difference. I'm confident in that. Please promise to update me with any small improvements, because they will come, as long as you keep trying, even though it won't be easy. Stay strong, we are rooting for you.

OrMsB

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com I’m doing erp ,well supposed to .right now I’m not because I feel like I don’t want to but did it a couple of time and I will do it again because I have no other choice to recover from this. And about medication I’m going to a psychiatrist this Sunday I’m not diagnosed with ocd but hope to get one and hopefully she put me on medication cause even my parents who were against it think I have to take them cause I break down almost every day. I will update, thank you so much. All the people here are so nice and trying to help all the time. This gives me a bit hope. Even though right now I don’t think I’m close to see the light in the end of the tunnel , I hope one day I will and will get to live the life I always dreamed of

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 42w

@OrMsB You will be fine, I promise you. Just do your part. Good luck to you 🤞

OrMsB

Date posted: 42w

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you🙏

Parker_b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Sexual Real event ocd.

Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldn’t have, I’m talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didn’t know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. I’m nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and I’ve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I don’t ever want that to come up. Because that’s not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope I’m not alone.

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

i have done so many bad things

i have done so many bad things bc of my OCD. and the thing is i have actually done them. whether or not they were compulsions doesn’t matter bc i still did those things with a fully conscious mind and I cannot erase those moments. and today I did something completely irredeemable. I don’t know how I can live with myself bc I know I am not worthy of life anymore. I am not worthy of being able to walk around free when I am a danger. and people will say “no it’s just your thoughts telling u this” NO IT ISNT. I HAVE ACTUALLY DONE BAD THINGS THAT ARE IMMORAL AND AT THIS POINT CALLING THEM COMPULSIONS JUST FEELS WRONG. I wish I had normal ocd. bc I know I deserve to suffer bc of all these things so im fine with it being normal OCD. there is nothing no one can do for me anymore. I doubt anyone will see this post anyway. and if u have read this far, ur better off just scrolling away bc im just a terrible person who is better off d3@d.

bkelp213

Date posted: 22w

Can’t function for all my guilt

I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Shameful compulsion

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community