Feeling Stuck

I am struggling recently. I am working with my therapist and I have recently finally did an exposure I have been struggling to do for months. However, I also recently have had more obsessions and given in to more compulsions after the exposure which has made my ocd worse and caused me to mitigate the exposure I did in the first place. Since my worst point with ocd, I have made a lot of progress. This is one of my hardest areas to overcome, but I feel like it’s setting me backwards and resulting in me engaging in compulsions that I have not engaged in for while. I am feeling mentally exhausted from all this, and it reminds me of how I felt when my ocd was at its worst. I am exhausted of ocd winning and know I need to make a change to be free of ocd.

Contamination OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 48w

At my worst a few months ago I was spraying Lysol all over my kitchen and my bed because I thought if everything was okay it would help me sleep. I ended up realizing that it was a false equivalency and it helped my OCD a great deal. I noticed that most of the things that we obsess over have no consequences in real life. There are still some things that trip me up and are hard to overcome but I tell myself they're eventually going to go to the "graveyard". The graveyard is all of our obsessions that took such a strong hold of us but ended up being nothing in the end and just died away. I hope this helps.

Anonymous

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous that is helpful I’ll try using that!

arayamayadots

Date posted: 48w

It can be very hard to overcome contamination ocd, Ive had it for around a year or two now and it's very hard. I have figured out some ways to help myself through it though, I even posted some on my profile. I wish you luck :)

Zoë_84

Date posted: 48w

Maybe you could do ERP for obsessions, that are not too hard and slowly work your pay up to the hard ones? In my experience with different OCD themes, different therapists and ERP, I realized that doing ERP that drives my anxiety through the roof, never worked for me. Taking very small steps however got me further along the path of recovery, than any other approach ever did.

Anonymous

Date posted: 48w

@Zoë_84 I appreciate the advice. So I have done all the ones that are not too hard at this point and I am kind of stuck on my hardest one/ that is the one that I need to overcome now. So I tried to do ERP for it and it worked initially but then it kind of backfired and I ended up doing more compulsions at the end ultimately

Zoë_84

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous Did you do the exposure in reality, or just in your mind?

Anonymous

Date posted: 48w

@Zoë_84 In reality and it worked until it didn’t and I ended up doing more compulsions later🥺

Zoë_84

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous I'm sorry to hear. Is this obsession something, when you think it through as a scenario, that would trigger you?

Anonymous

Date posted: 48w

@Zoë_84 yes :/ it’s like my highest anxiety area that I’m working through and like once I overcome this I would be fully free from my ocd compulsions. It’s highest on my list. And in reality I know I have nothing to be afraid of but then the ocd creeps in :( And it’s like I know that I need to just stop the compulsions and first let go of the compulsions and then ultimately the anxiety will leave too. But right now I’m like once my anxiety is lower then my ocd will be lower which obviously doesn’t happen in reality. So just kind of frustrated and disappointed in myself today. I got my ocd to where it is MUCH better but today honestly reminded me of how I felt like when my ocd was a lot worse

Zoë_84

Date posted: 48w

@Anonymous I started my ERP with in sensu exposures, which means they had been either in my head - me thinking about a scenario that triggered me - or I watched youtube videos of things that triggered me. May that would be a way to start tackling your biggest OCD fear, before you expose yourself to it in real life?

Secretidentity

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

Please please send advice

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

Relationship OCD

Vee <3

Date posted: 19w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 19w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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