Feeling Stuck

I am struggling recently. I am working with my therapist and I have recently finally did an exposure I have been struggling to do for months. However, I also recently have had more obsessions and given in to more compulsions after the exposure which has made my ocd worse and caused me to mitigate the exposure I did in the first place. Since my worst point with ocd, I have made a lot of progress. This is one of my hardest areas to overcome, but I feel like it’s setting me backwards and resulting in me engaging in compulsions that I have not engaged in for while. I am feeling mentally exhausted from all this, and it reminds me of how I felt when my ocd was at its worst. I am exhausted of ocd winning and know I need to make a change to be free of ocd.

Contamination OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

At my worst a few months ago I was spraying Lysol all over my kitchen and my bed because I thought if everything was okay it would help me sleep. I ended up realizing that it was a false equivalency and it helped my OCD a great deal. I noticed that most of the things that we obsess over have no consequences in real life. There are still some things that trip me up and are hard to overcome but I tell myself they're eventually going to go to the "graveyard". The graveyard is all of our obsessions that took such a strong hold of us but ended up being nothing in the end and just died away. I hope this helps.

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous that is helpful I’ll try using that!

arayamayadots

Date posted: 45w

It can be very hard to overcome contamination ocd, Ive had it for around a year or two now and it's very hard. I have figured out some ways to help myself through it though, I even posted some on my profile. I wish you luck :)

Zoë_84

Date posted: 45w

Maybe you could do ERP for obsessions, that are not too hard and slowly work your pay up to the hard ones? In my experience with different OCD themes, different therapists and ERP, I realized that doing ERP that drives my anxiety through the roof, never worked for me. Taking very small steps however got me further along the path of recovery, than any other approach ever did.

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

@Zoë_84 I appreciate the advice. So I have done all the ones that are not too hard at this point and I am kind of stuck on my hardest one/ that is the one that I need to overcome now. So I tried to do ERP for it and it worked initially but then it kind of backfired and I ended up doing more compulsions at the end ultimately

Zoë_84

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous Did you do the exposure in reality, or just in your mind?

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

@Zoë_84 In reality and it worked until it didn’t and I ended up doing more compulsions later🥺

Zoë_84

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous I'm sorry to hear. Is this obsession something, when you think it through as a scenario, that would trigger you?

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

@Zoë_84 yes :/ it’s like my highest anxiety area that I’m working through and like once I overcome this I would be fully free from my ocd compulsions. It’s highest on my list. And in reality I know I have nothing to be afraid of but then the ocd creeps in :( And it’s like I know that I need to just stop the compulsions and first let go of the compulsions and then ultimately the anxiety will leave too. But right now I’m like once my anxiety is lower then my ocd will be lower which obviously doesn’t happen in reality. So just kind of frustrated and disappointed in myself today. I got my ocd to where it is MUCH better but today honestly reminded me of how I felt like when my ocd was a lot worse

Zoë_84

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous I started my ERP with in sensu exposures, which means they had been either in my head - me thinking about a scenario that triggered me - or I watched youtube videos of things that triggered me. May that would be a way to start tackling your biggest OCD fear, before you expose yourself to it in real life?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 23w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Secretidentity

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Please please send advice

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

Relationship OCD

Vee <3

Date posted: 16w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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