Say a thought

@cakey I think I didn’t write it right, im afraid to say my thoughts with my tongue, like all day I have this thought, and I can feel my tongue this makes me go insane

@OrMsB ooh i get that. what about it drives you so crazy?^^ it’s there and it’s going to be there. it’s okay. can you ever get distracted from the feeling?

@cakey I’m afraid I’m going to do it , and when I’m thinking about it I’m getting a panic feeling and my mind say it’s so easy to do. And when i hyper focus on the tongue it’s make it worse. The only time I can be distracted from this is when I have another intrusive scary thought

@OrMsB do what ?^^

@cakey Say my thought with my tongue

@OrMsB ooh okay. well maybe instead of stressing about the thoughts and trying to fight them, just accept them. acknowledge that it’s uncomfortable and scary. that’s okay. once you let yourself have the thoughts and stop trying to prevent them, it might get easier.

@cakey I’m really trying to do that, but I can’t accept that those thoughts will be forever and never go away cause that’s what I’m scared of. I just want to feel calm for a bit. I don’t know why I can’t accept those thoughts cause they are scary

@OrMsB i understand feeling like the thoughts will never go away, but the thing is, once you accept them, whenever they pop into your head they’ll slowly start bothering you less and less! eventually you’ll stop thinking about it because it’ll become normal, and if you do think about it, you’ll be okay because you’ve accepted and acknowledged that it’s sort of scary and uncomfortable, yknow ?^^

@OrMsB i understand feeling like the thoughts will never go away, but the thing is, once you accept them, whenever they pop into your head they’ll slowly start bothering you less and less! eventually you’ll stop thinking about it because it’ll become normal, and if you do think about it, you’ll be okay because you’ve accepted and acknowledged that it’s sort of scary and uncomfortable, yknow ?^^

@OrMsB - say it. take its power away. I do that. i told my cat I could stab her a couple weeks ago. She was sitting next to a knife in my kitchen and I saw it and I thought " I could stab her so easily right now" I briefly felt like I might do it without even being able to control it.... but I knew it was just OCD... i walked over to her, I picked up the knife and I said " I could stab you right now, but I don't think you would like that very much would you?" and I put the knife away, and I picked up my kitty and we went to bed.... its scary... but its NOT REAL and you HAVE to FACE the fear in order to fully understand that. otherwise it will plague you. you HAVE TO FACE IT.

@cakey But I could I accept it I feel not normal

@OrMsB - at first. but you will in time. it take practice.

@TexasOCD41 I hope it’s just so scary, like I can accept to have this thoughts even when I’m trying to tell myself it’s just a thought. Feels like my mind make my thoughts look like a threat

@OrMsB - Thats OCD. but take a step back and realize. a thought is just a thought. its not something you can touch, feel, see, smell, its not a real thing, its not dangerous, its not powerful, it only is a thought. they can be scary, they can seem real, they can be wonderful, they can be fun, but at the end of the day, they are JUST THOUGHTS. you cannot control your thoughts, only your responses, and how you respond will effect your thinking moving forward. teach your brain that the thoughts don't matter. think bad thoughts alllllll day, doesn't matter if you just don't let them matter. accept and move on. accept, move on, accept, move on. in time, you will not be sent these icky thoughts as much cuz your brain will realize they arent important.

@TexasOCD41 I’m trying to not be bothered by them but sometimes (most of the times) it cause anxiety and the thought it’s literally stuck like I can’t think about anything else and the urge to do a compulsions is strong the get rid of the thought because she is so stuck and scary

@OrMsB Just resist the compulsions. And sit with the anxiety. Habituate to it. It will lose power in time.

@TexasOCD41 I have a lot of compulsions like I have no idea how to stop because the urge is so big to do them. Im afraid that no matter what (if I stop the compulsions) I’m still going to suffer from it like it would never go away. I have started medication because of it cause of the anxiety and the thoughts. I’m on the 3rd day and I’m super anxious I know it’s take time but it’s hard

@OrMsB Medicine helped me tremendously. It took a few weeks but it saved my life. Hang in there.

@TexasOCD41 Thank you🙏 in the start of taking meds did you feel like nothing happening? And after taking it (few weeks later) what did you notice change? The intensity of the thought/the urge to get rid of them? I’m sorry if I’m bothering you I’m just really anxious right now

@OrMsB Yes. You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else because medicine is different for everyone but for me at least, I would say it just about cured my ocd up to 90%. It took about a month and a half and continuing therapy and erp and resisting compulsions in the meantime helped speed it up.

@TexasOCD41 Do you feel like it would still cure you 90% if you would still do compulsions? Like I have some compulsion that takes 1 second and I have no idea how to stop them . And the urge to do the is high/ like all day my brain tell me to do compulsions to get rid of the thought. I’m trying to give meds a try but I don’t how to wait a few weeks it would like hell

@OrMsB Resisting compulsions is very difficult but it’s very important and it gets easier the longer you do it. I was hell for about a week but then I no longer desired to do them anymore.

@TexasOCD41 I always give up like the thoughts give me not a nice feeling and I feel like I have to. The problem is that I’m afraid that if I resist physical compulsions and actually succeed the mental compulsions will still be there

@OrMsB - you just need to keep trying. work on what you can stop, if you can resist the physical ones, then resist them, and then work on the mental ones. Medication makes resisting them MUCH easier. i have zero desire to do any compulsions what so ever and I hardly ever have my OCD thoughts anymore and when I do they don't bother me at all. I really would just be patient and give it time.

@TexasOCD41 I still get urges to do my compulsion but I’m on day 5 so I will wait. My main worry is that the thought will forever be in my head. And I was scared to whisper thoughts so my therapist told me to do it as in erp. And I did it right now and I’m kinda anxious but I’m terrified what if I use erp as a compulsion. Like what if everytime I will have the urge to whisper my intrusive thought I will do it and then it’s a compulsion not erp

@OrMsB - You are spiraling. any sentance that starts with " what if" is an OCD worry. you will never know unless you try. I can tell you all day all the success stories in the world, but you are seeking reassurance so it wont help you. You need to experience it for yourself. do exactly as your therapist instructs. ERP should make you uncomfortable, your anxiety will likely increase at first, this is normal and a sign that its working. i cannot stress this enough o just stick with it. go towards what you fear, do not run away from it, do not seek comfort or reassurance or safety.

@TexasOCD41 Like even now when I finished the erp I feel horrible cause I’m still anxious. And the urge to whisper it again even grow more what!? I thought it’s supposed to reduce it and before I did the erp I didn’t have the urge and anxiety cause I know it erp and now I have both urge to do it again and anxiety is this possible?

@TexasOCD41 I really don’t want to seek reassurance , im just afraid to have urges forever and the erp is scary because I feel like the thought is so scary and I actually whisper it, it’s just scary cause it makes it feel more real to me

@TexasOCD41 Like the thought is so gross I’m terrified by her and I actually whispered it as erp makes me want to vomit

@OrMsB - ERP is not designed to reduce the anxiety, its designed to help you build up a tolerance to it until the thoughts don't bother you anymore. It is very normal for ERP to increase anxiety and obsessions especially if you are successfully resisting compulsions. It is not an over night fix, it takes repeated ERP sessions to build up the calus against the thoughts. Eventually you just wont respond to the thoughts anymore.

@OrMsB - Thats good tho, you need to face the discomfort and allow your brain to realize that this wont hurt you, its not going to kill you and its not going to mean anything about it. a thought is just a thought, it only has as much power as you allow it to .

@TexasOCD41 Like today I got myself distracted and the thoughts were there (I had a lot) but I told myself not to compulsion cause it’s not going to help at the end. And I succeeded until now I began again to do them cause In the case of whispering a thoughts today I had like a lot of thoughts that my head created of what I can whisper and the thoughts were so specific like I was like what!? Cause something in my mind tell me that if im going to say that like whisper it or say it with my tongue then the thought will go away and I know it not true at all and also I have urge to check I will I sound by the sound of the thoughts and it’s weird to. I’m just afraid that even without doing compulsions I’m still going to care about the thought. Like today I had a lot of thoughts and I was kinda frustrated that I had a lot of these but I didn’t push it away. And like one thought came and after 2 minutes another one came it was something. And it makes me frustrated. And with erp I’m afraid that I’m doing it as a compulsion and not to make me feel anxious. And I don’t want to do it as a compulsion but I’m afraid I will do

@OrMsB - Treat your thoughts like water in a stream and you are a rock in the stream. let them flow around you, over you, under you. They don't stick to you. I'm sorry, your english confuses me a little bit because its a but scrambled so I'm trying to understand. So you have specific pedophilic thoughts I'm assuming, very specific ones right? and your compulsion is to whisper them to yourself and that makes you feel better? So when you do ERP you do what exactally? in other words. OCD is made up of obsessions/bad thoughts, the compulsions. In order to help you the most, I need to know what your obsessions or bad thoughts are, and then I need to know what you do to make yourself feel better ( your compulsions) and then if you could explain to me what you do when you do ERP. this will help me help you. don't feel embarrassed. If it makes you feel more safe, ill share with you one of my POCD thoughts I have sometimes. Sometimes I see an image of my husbands best friends 1 year old infant and in the image I'm molesting her. Its a very clear image and it gives me a gronial response sometimes. I was able to over come this with ERP. So hopefully you know you can trust me and tell me what your detail are and ill help you the best way I can.

@TexasOCD41 So I have a lot of thoughts I don’t whisper them but I did wishper like two of them. And my therapist told me to whisper a thought to a picture so it will scared me and I didn’t do it yet cause I’m scared. But today it got bad cause I had specific thought like very it’s I want to cry just by writing this but I had a thought “what if I moan to a thought” wtf. This is very embarrassing what I’m about to say and I’m sorry if I’m spesific all day I have been doing weird voices to know if it sound like moan (I didn’t thought about the thoughts or something). Cause I needed to check how it sound and if I sound like my brain. And now I think I sounded like my thoughts (not sure though) and I’m terrified now . I just felt the urge to check how I sound and now I’m anxious because I did it. And also my brain tells me to do a weird voice (this isn’t relate to Pocd ). I’m scared right now what if I moan to a thought. I’m sorry for being specific

@TexasOCD41 And yea English isn’t my first language, but do you think I should delete this app too? Like it’s probably a compulsion for me too and I don’t want to but feel like I have too. I’m thinking of deleting it but I still have hard day. But this compulsion might making my ocd worse so idk

@OrMsB - You shouldn't apologize for your thoughts, they are just thoughts. Nothing you have told me even sounds bad, and I'm not sure if its because of the slight language barrier or just because I have lived with OCD for so long and now being on the other side of it and recovered, I just see it for what it is, just thoughts. You should do what your therapist tells you. Its ok to be scared, you need to expose yourself to what you fear in order to learn its not actually dangerous. So what if you moan to a thought? just a thought. I had an orgasm during sex with my husband while having an image of violating a child in my head. doesn't mean anything except I had an intrsuvie thought at a VERY inopportune time lol. I am able to separate myself form my thoughts. At the end of the day, that is what you need to do. you are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not who you are. I have the most insane thoughts on a daily basis, but they don't scare me anymore because I know they don't mean anything. you also need to stop checking. that is VERY compulsive and will give strength to your OCD. As far as deleting the app. i think this app can be helpful is you use it correctly but I also see it being used for reassurance aLOT which isn't helpful. If you need to take a break from it to try to focus on ERP and avoiding compulsions, do that. If you need to use the app to help stay on the right path, to help resist compulsions, then do that. I would suggest not posting on it for lets say.... a month? and give yourself a limit to how often you can use it, like an hour a day? give yourself boundrias to start working with.

@TexasOCD41 I’m afraid like what if I whisper intrusive word and then I will breath heavily while imagining intrusive thought omg it’s so scary because what if breath heavily means moan? I’m terrified I don’t what to do it but what if I will I want to throw up. I don’t want to do it I swear I’m so anxious feel like crying now cause what if I do it. And I don’t know but I have all the time urge to check urge to get rid of the thought like it so hard that I hate it it’s like I can’t stop. I have to know how I will feel if I do that or that … I want to puke. I feel like I have to get reassurance like I HAVE to. Like I have to tell the compulsion and the thoughts so someone tell me it’s ocd. Cause what if it not? What if it’s too fur? Or I’m lying to myself? What if I do it and I go fur? What if I’m the only person with Pocd to go fur to whisper the thought and breathe hard while imagining thought ? I want to throw up literally. And yes I need to try not to post a lot but feel like I have too

@TexasOCD41 Because what if I never do it I will never know how I feel ? Like I don’t want to know how I feel but ocd say I have to know what if it will be all my life? I’m afraid cause I don’t want to do it. I just dont want to care but I do care. How to not care about those dam thoughts with those urge when I feel that if I won’t do it that’s will eat me cause I need to check. I feel like Im lying to myself about the Pocd part like yes I had a lot of themes before yes I have/had intrusive thoughts not only on this theme . But what if ocd just made me see I’m a p? If I’m a p I will not want to live with that fact. But my Pocd is way more severe then every theme I had. Like I had 6 themes in 4 months and Pocd with a bit of zocd for 8 months . But Pocd compulsions were more severe then the other themes. I was sure that I had ocd before Pocd but what if I don’t

@OrMsB - rule of thumb. if a sentance starts with "what if" its OCD and not real. So go back thru this paragraph and find everywhere you start with " what if" and know you can just dismiss anything after it. So what you are telling me is you are scared because you have POCD thoughts and you think you accidently moan to them? ok, so what. moan to them. the thought is just a thought, a moan is just a moan. your main issue is you are giving SO MUCH power to these false thoughts and then giving meaning to everything you do afterwards and its all nonsense.

@TexasOCD41 No I’m afraid to moan to them purposely when I DONT want to but ocd tells me to check. Now every time I breathe kinda loudly I’m like what if it’s a moan so i don’t know I’m afraid to breath loud to the thought after whisper a word

@OrMsB - i believe POCD is the hardest one to deal with because of the social implications attached to pedophilia. With that being said, (again, look at how many times you said "what if") you simply can't check your feelings because feelings are not fact. the way you feel in any given moment is not significant to who you are. True feelings don't need to be checked. You said it best " just damn thoughts" that's allllllll they are.

@OrMsB - you cant do something on purpose that you don't want to do. OCD has hijacked your logic so bad :(

@TexasOCD41 What? What do you mean? If you do a compulsion to check or to get rid of intrusive thoughts Technically it’s on purpose even if I don’t want to do it (I don’t want to) but how is it not on purpose?

@OrMsB - im sorry, i didnt communicate that very well. its hard to explain. You cant do something on purpose without your awareness. Moaning and being unsure if you are moaning to your thought or not, its honestly not something you should be analyzing. you're too far deep into all of this and iv provided you with too much reassurance in all honesty. You really need to practice ERP more and exactally as your therapist instructs and push forward and not pay any attention to any what ifs.

@TexasOCD41 It’s just hard with all those urges to do it, but I will try erp about it today . Thank you🙏

@TexasOCD41 Hi , I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. But maybe do you have tips how to resist compulsion? Like right now im kinda afraid that breathing means im moaning . I tried to breathe loud /not loud to see if this moaning and I can’t get a answer like I genuinely don’t know. Im really afraid to breath like this to a thought cause what if this is considered moan? And I also afraid to really moan to a thought not by breathing to see how I sound and feel and to get rid of the thought . I don’t want to do it but what if I will. I’m scared like the urge is here and I don’t know how erp will help this like I’m still new to this. I had a sexual compulsion that I did 3 month ago and I stoped but I’m scared with the moan thing. Like my brain give me a thoughts like “it’s so easy to do just do it” “how can you move on with life without have this thought or doing that” “how can you move on without know”. Like I’m anxious because of it and meds are not helping and I’m only on day 9 but the waiting is so hard. Like Im sure I had other themes befor but what if the Pocd is real. I don’t want to be a p. I want to be normal without this thoughts and urge. And I have strong urge combined with anxiety . 99% of the time I feel like I could never recover like it’s not possible for me. I can’t go on a day without doing tons of compulsions . Barely an hour and I feel so much anxious it’s horrible I really want to be live recover is possible but what if it’s not

@OrMsB - Reme,ber what i said about statements that start with what if. A good way to practice resisting compulsions is to give yourself a boundy. Say " I'm not sure if I'm breathing to moan or not, i want to check, but i know i shouldn't, so ill wait and ill check tomorrow if i still feel like it" As far as moving forward without knowing, you just have to. I moved forward without knowing if iv cheated on my husband. I moved forward without knowing if I was molested as a child, I moved forward without knowing If my husband truely would love me without knowing all the bad things iv done in my life. 9 days is no time at all. I started meds in July and felt improvement in September. My compulsions were seeking reassurance and researching online. I resisted by staying off the computer and i told my friends and family who i would often turn to for reassurance to NOT give it to me, I told them to turn me away when i asked for it. It was very hard for about 2 weeks but once i stopped doing compulsions, the urges lessened, the thoughts quiteded. The compulsions feed the OCD so if you really want to recover, you HAVE to stop them and you have to tolerate the anxiety for as long as it takes until it starts to lessen.

@TexasOCD41 Yes I need to stop doing them it’s just feels like someone controls me even though it’s not true. Most of the day I’m anxious and I can feel the urge in my throat it’s horrible. And when I’m not anxious it’s a bit better and calmer but I’m still checking if the thought/urge is there even when I don’t want to. My compulsion just got worse as time pass with ocd. And there are more and more compulsion that were created. So like should stop all the compulsions at once or decrease them? And the anxiety really stresses me out like I think the anxiety causes the urge and if it possible since I got on meds the anxiety it’s HIGH and it’s really hard to have it all day like I have to get rid of that feeling. And also when you said that the thoughts are quite for you do you mean like when you have them and simply don’t care? Cause I know that’s should be my goal because we can’t stop the thoughts. But I just don’t get how I can live with those thoughts /strong urges and don’t care. I’m all the time afraid that I don’t actually have ocd and I’m lying to myself

@OrMsB Yep, I have the thoughts but I don’t care. I didn’t think it was possible either until I experienced it. It’s also VERY common for anxiety to get worse in the beginning of meds, Zoloft particularly but I can’t stress enough to stick with it, it really really is worth it. I would recommend stopping compulsions completely if possible but be kind to yourself when you slip. When I was at my worst I was doing compulsions 8+ hours a day, I literally felt like i couldn’t stop because the anxiety was so extreme but my therapist kept pushing me to do it. She said to fight them like a boxer in a fight, keep coming back with “ i just don’t care about that right now” and making a conscious effort to be present. I also found that walking and hot baths helped, also anything that kept my hands busy, like puzzles or sewing or coloring, simple tasks that kept me focus. When you feel the urge to check, remind yourself “ I’ll check later, it’s not important right now”. Keep putting it off ( the compulsions)

@TexasOCD41 Thank you so much. I’m trying to cut them but I have a few compulsion (phsycal) that are still very hard to cut cause my mind say that it’s so easy to do. But I don’t know what to do about mental compulsions like ruminate, check in the head, hyper focus… like I’m not in control of what is happening in my head

@OrMsB - The medication will help with those in time. You CAN control it, its just difficult i understand that completely. have grace for yourself and just continue to cut out the ones you can and reduce the ones you struggle with.

@TexasOCD41 Thank you, I’m just terrified because I want that meds will help with that. I really hope so. And about the physical compulsions I’m trying to cut them but I have like 3 compulsions that are still hard to do cause they are with the mental compulsions kinda . I’m just terrified cause what if I will always have those compulsions like every second of the day

@OrMsB - dont ask what if questions. those are OCD

@TexasOCD41 I know thank you, I should know that is ocd. I’m just afraid that it’s not and the what ifs are killing me. Like I’m not sure of anything. I want to be sure that I have ocd 100% but even after suffering from many themes and professionals (therapist, psychiatrist) told me I have it I’m still in so many doubts like so many. For example: what if I have ocd but not Pocd? What if I crossed the with a compulsions? What if I will be the first person to act on his intrusive thoughts? What if the compulsions I did were actually acting on intrusive thoughts ?(when the intention was to check and get rid of the thoughts and I did them alone of course ) what if I’m a bad person and use ocd for excuse? The what ifs are killing me but I can’t stop doubting. And I’m sorry for bothering you

@OrMsB - What if i get in a car accident and die on my way home from work? What if my husband is having an affair? What if my boss fires me from my job tomorrow? What if an asteriod is minuets away from crashing into earth and kills everyone and everything? Cani be 100% certain that none of these things are true or will happen? nope. i cant even be 50% sure about some of them, but that is life. you just carry one. Everything can be a what if. You don't pay attention to the what if's that are so unlikely , like ALL of your what ifs are just not worth paying attention to, because to EVERY single one of them, i can reply with " so what? life goes on"

@TexasOCD41 Your right it’s just hard when it’s 24/7 none stop. I should pay attention to the what ifs but i just don’t want to be a bad person. Life indeed move on but I feel stuck. I will try to tell my mind “maybe” “who knows”. It’s just that living with uncertainty it’s hard. Thank you so much

@OrMsB Shouldn’t **

@TexasOCD41 I know that it’s compulsion but for 2 days I have the urge and I’m anxious and just want to get rid of it and not have the thought, I feel like I’m going to have the thought forever and it scares me I can’t let go this terrified me. I have to get a bit relief

@OrMsB - You know its a compulsion, do you also know that by performing compulsions, you actually make OCD worse. I know it sucks but the way to treat OCD is to the opposite of what you want to do. If you want to seek reassurance, and you want to get rid of the thought, then you need to NOT seek reassurance and you need to STOP TRYING to get rid of a thought. If I told you :" do NOT under any circumstances.... picture a pink elephant right now" what did you just do? you pictured a pink elephant right? that's because it is impossible to actively try to NOT think about something. You need to allow yourself to think the awful thought, allow yourself to say it out loud, let your tongue say the thought, its just a thought. saying something doesn't equal doing it. You need to do ERP and expose yourself to this fear, sit with the anxiety, THAT IS THE ONLY way you will eventually get relief. The more you fight and resist and seek comfort, the worse it will get.

@TexasOCD41 But I’m afraid that if I say it I’m one more step to be a p and that I acted on it. I Don’t agree with the thought Like really don’t I swear I don’t agree but I hate this