Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

False

Atraction, arousal, crushes, I have them all, I didnt had them before the thoughs, but I do now, and it all honesty I don't recognize the false part, the crushes come from memories or thoughs and now I'm starting to believe that maybe I never had a crush on a woman cause these false crushes feel so intense that I honestly have no idea how could they be false but at the same time are so intense that if I always had them like my brain says then how didnt I notice before, same goes for the atractions. So real tired right now.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Viny

Date posted: 41w

It's called false because it's something ego dynostic. Not because it's some "false feeling" feelings don't have meaning unless we attribute value to them. Both anxiety and attraction have the same mechanism in your brain and both can be misattributed. Your OCD want to convince you you have a complex real feeling that you must fix or rationalize thus the anxiety kicks in.

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

But I'm not feeling that much anxiety, or well idk, I have simptoms of anxiety on my boddy but like I don't feel afraid anymore, idk

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 41w

Hey bud! Hope you're doing a bit better than the last time I saw one of your posts. Viny up above has a great point. I'd also like to point out that your OCD seems to be reaching into the past to redefine situations you were in using the stress you are currently feeling. It's post-hoc rationalization, it's the main thing OCD sufferers can do to themselves. By listening to your OCD and allowing intrusive thoughts to send you down rumination rabbit holes (ruminating is a compulsion stemming from the need to understand or digest a thought), you are giving it more fuel to recontextualize other feelings and memories too. OCD would sooner have you isolated all to yourself for the rest of your life in favor of feeling safe than let you develop your own confidence in how you feel. That's why we can't listen to it! False crushes? That's what you're talking about happening now, why is your brain taking the current feeling and trying to switch other things over to it? It wants more control to feel more certain.

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

I call it a false crush cause it came out of the blue, for a friend I already known for a year. Also I know you probably didn't meanted that way but like the "Develop your own confidence in how you feel" just makes me feel like this is al real, like when the OCD is gone this is all I'm gonna have, I know you can't reasure me or anything but like, it's just scary, and anxiety inducing. Also what do you mean by your last paragraph? My ocd trying to switch other things over it. Sorry but english it's not my first language

Viny

Date posted: 41w

This helped even me understand that my brain is constantly trying to reassign and distort my own actions and memories from myself, it's horrible. I hope I never get to a point where I ruminate about every little thing

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

@Viny - I'm never sure if it's my brain doing it or if it really happened that way

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 41w

@Nicola$ Pretty much I just mean that your brain is trying to reframe your memories in a way to make them fit the doubt and fear you're currently feeling. OCD is an overly active fight-or-flight response at its simplest, and our brains work very hard to identify patterns to try to protect ourselves. Right now, your brain is trying to call your past crushes fake crushes, and make you doubt the feelings you had before this OCD manifestation. It's the same as when you think to yourself "Is this OCD or am I just like this?", it's usually OCD. The evidence is how you react to all of this.

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

@FloralEnvoy Well it goes both ways, I doubted that I liked girls, and I feel I had crushes on guys, but it doesnt quite make sense

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 41w

@Nicola$ Well that's okay too! I want to preface, any identity you end up feeling good about is a fine path to take from here. You gotta work on ERP therapy, even if it's on your own with a book.

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

@FloralEnvoy But I don't want that, this is not how things were before

Nicola$

Date posted: 41w

@FloralEnvoy Idk if somehow my post made You understand that I was okay with it or that I wanted it but I didnt, I just can't stop, I have no control over any of this thoughs and memories

Viny

Date posted: 41w

Also. Our bodies DO NOT react and act in sync with our minds. Example. Once I was reading a news article about a rape that happened here in my city (I was also a victim at one time) so it made me fully disgusted yet my body was reacting almost to give me an erection it doesn't mean I was aroused by rape or that I would rape. It just means my body reacted or misfired a reaction due to my high state of arousal and distress.

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 24w

intrusive feelings

hey, so i’ve had these insane thoughts about like, this dude. and i assumed it’s intrusive feelings, but it also has happened w the fact o think i like girls? but i don’t? like, i get the gronal response, and everything, and like, it sometimes feels like i actually like them, but it always makes me sick? same way w the false attraction guy, and it even started happening w my bsf of like 9 years? and it’ll tell me the most insane things like “maybe u are attracted” “maybe if u got w them the thoughts will stop” someone please help.

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Thoughts make sense

I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore

Googlyeyes34

Date posted: 22w

False attraction

False attraction has been killing me ive had it for months with the same person. I have a boyfriend so having false attraction makes me feel so guilty. And lately theyve felt so real and ive been so anxious. What if I do like him bla bla. Ive only ever saw him as a brother and we have a good connection and he is one of my good friends but even sometimes when im having a conversation I feel like im cheating. Sometimes I get excited like oh yay he is gonna be here and then I get scared that it’s romantical because I get excited when he is around because he is a funny. Im so scared thats its real attraction because I love my boyfriend I would never do such a thing. And lately my minds done stuff like oh grab his attention stuff like that and it feels like I have done those actions but I dont want to. Sometimes when he is like idk sitting near Im like oh is he looking and my minds like oh do something to empress him bla bla. Recently he was going thought stuff and my boyfriend was there and I was I can give him a hug because I think he needs it but after I thought of it as bad because he is a guy and I had this false attraction what if I did it because I like him bla bla. I am freaking out idk why my mind makes me do compulsions that I have acted on like oh go talk to him and I do its weird urges that I do not want to do. I am scared that it will come true

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