ROCD Question, does anyone ever feel like they don’t love their spouse? I just got married and idk if it’s my real feelings or my ROCD thoughts. I have gone through a lot in my life and my husband and I have gone through a lot more bad than good by we have come along way in the last few months!! I get random spurts of love for him but sometimes when I look at him I don’t feel anything but that goes for everyone except my kids. I don’t know if I have been hurt so much I have just shut off, or if that’s how I really feel. I know love is much more than a feeling, which is what I’m holding on to. Regardless we have a family and I love him but he annoys me so much sometimes I feel like there’s more irritation that fogs the love if it’s even there. I hate saying those things cause I don’t want to feel that way which says a lot. He has been my best friend for 6 years we have been together for over a year and we just got married a week ago. We are about to have another baby any day now. I felt this way before we got married prob because of all the stress and crap we have had to go through and fighting along the way cause it wasn’t always like this I mean it was a transition from besties to lovers but we always have feels for eachother. I’m very confused regardless I will always stay with him I mentally care and love him (my mind says you’re just saying that cause he annoys you so much haha) but I don’t know even if I have to work on not making myself love him but just doing what I need to to love him the way I need to I will forever hell I might already love him the right way I might just be super numb to everything I just don’t know. I’m scared it may not be an OCD thought and a true one and don’t know how to get past this. When I think about it or it makes me think it it makes me feel that anxiety and question everything I just want it to stop and feel really depressed cause I don’t want it to be a truth thought that makes me think that it’s not true but idk :(

Relationship OCD

scaredbunny

Date posted: 5y

Well first of all sometimes I too don’t feel like I love my husband, I just feel the affection etc. However when I’m not anxious I know that it is completely normal and healthy, because you can’t maintain a crush for a lifetime, marriage is a path when sometimes you fall apart and then you enjoy meeting each other anew, on a micro scale. And if you’re lucky you’ll keep the affection and will always look in more or less the same direction. Love is really complicated. That being said, if you’ve had emotional trauma, you can feel I secure opening up. My husband and I came a long way for me to be comfortable to say that I love him and mean it. I was too afraid to trust and to feel emotionally naked, so it took me like 6 years and lots of therapy to build that trust.

scaredbunny

Date posted: 5y

*insecure

Ridethewave

Date posted: 5y

Omg girl! Why is the last part me too! Although I'm not married, it's taking me awhile to feel fully vulnerable and connected to bf because I am insecure with myself and what I have to offer. I am currently in therapy for my own unresolved traumas. Can you talk more about how that journey was for you and your husband to go through? Was there feelings of numbness in your relationship? Did the therapy bring you guys closer? Did therapy make you discover more about yourself and your relationship habits? Sorry for the amount of questions. I just find this topic really interesting

skeletonrose

Date posted: 5y

That’s a good way to look at it, what if those feelings never get better? How do you differentiate between it being an OCD thought or a real one? Cause it feels real but I don’t want it to be, so that’s where it’s confusing. Regardless yes, I have been through a lot of emotional trauma my husband has his own mental health he just started therapy so it will be a while before we get into therapy together to understand eachother cause he definitely just needs time to focus on him finally as well and I’m in therapy and trying to get a specific OCD therapist, but like right now I get little spurts of love for him. It’s just all confusing and my mind won’t shut off from it cause I can’t figure it the real answer and it gets in the way of how I treat or act towards him and ignoring it makes me feel like I’m being fake and when I talk to him about it of course it hurts but he understands sorta and idk I’m just struggling pretty bad with all this I just want some relief. I do love him (but then it feels like I say it to make myself believe it) anything I say my mind always has a counter it’s so draining

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