- Date posted
- 45w
Don't even know if I have ocd anymore
Two weeks ago I did a compulsion that I'm very ashamed of doing and it honestly put me in a deep depression I just don't understand why I gave into it when I could've just ignored it I feel like everyone on this app has so much better things going on with them and I wish mine was like that too but it's not for me it's starting to feel very real like so real and I can't say I'm scared because I'm not even scared I was but now I feel numbness and tiredness and I'm not really as anxious as I was before even when I'm out I don't get anxiety and like I have really bad social anxiety like I've completely lost myself and who I am I just want this to pass I don't want to feel like I like this when I don't and ever since I did that compulsion my mind is litterly just like oh well you did that that's who you are now u can't go back your attracted to this now and it's like no I'm not but it feels real I Don't want this to be who I am I don't know if anyone else is going through the same thing I just don't wanna feel alone like I completely feel so dull like when I see a guy my age now I feel dull like this is really scary........ because I feel like everyday it gets worse. I can't even go outside and it's just like if I do want this and my body and brain is saying I do then why do I feel so tired all the time why am I on here getting reassuranc from people like why am I feeling anxiety in my chest why do I feel like throwing up it's just so confusing. And when I do try to agree with the thoughts my mind nothing happens I still feel the same. Like I don't know what do I've never felt this way I've had ocd compulsion before where I'm like yeah ok and I can simply just move on from it but this one I litterly can't