sofifbuitron
- Date posted
- 5y
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s your head. And yes, it’s ocd. If you don’t try to go through therapy (cbt, erp) it is really hard to know the difference. But I had HOCD for years. I’m pretty much recovered. Pops up every now and then but I’m able to remind myself of what it really is. I’m very happily married to my husband and even though sometimes I can hate myself when it pops back up, I KNOW I love him. I think when we have sexually based obsessions we just want a break from the constant checking and groinal responses, so maybe it’s our brains giving us a break to dull the sensations we link to sex when we’re truly happy and at peace. For me, I’m still sexually attracted to my husband but because of the trauma from all those years with undiagnosed ocd it’s harder for me to get in the mood. But when I do it’s wonderful. Just keep your head up and really look into getting therapy.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
I know that I get aroused by my boyfriend but my hocd totally disregards that all together. Now I get scared that I won't get turned on and of course I don't. It sucks.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Yep, that’s what it does. Women especially are more mental when it comes to sex - that’s why foreplay is important to us, it gets in the mood because it’s a connector more than the physical part. You just said yourself that it’s disregarding the sexual feelings you have for your boyfriend, and to me that’s an indicator that you know what’s going on. But it honestly takes time. Do you have the means/desire to try cbt or erp?
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I'm seeing a therapist who isn't really familiar with OCD right now. I'm kind of stuck money wise, but once I get my insurance figured out I'm going to try to get an OCD specialist. I don't really have any close to me. I would like to do ERP myself, but I don't have the willpower to not do compulsions when I'm by myself.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
Gotcha. It can definitely be hard with a therapist who isn’t strong in OCD. And it is unfortunately unnecessarily expensive to get specialized therapy -_-. One of the best resources I found was the Ocd center of Los Angeles- I took my test through there before I even moved to California from Michigan and it helped SO SO much. And this app already has some really good resources that we used in my therapy sessions. Doing exposures when you don’t know how to do them probably isn’t the best idea because it could be problematic in your long term recovery. You can always comment on this thread if you need some support too! I’m not sure how old you are but it was the worst for me when I was in high school/ early twenties. It’s get better as you get older.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
I first had it when I was 11-12 years old. I had other themes like contamination and scrupulosity before then. One day the thought what if I'm gay popped into my head. From then on I was super scared that I would accidentally look at a girl's boobs. It kinda went away by itself I remember not worrying about it nearly as much in 8th grade and all the way through high school. I don't remember if it switched to another theme and that's what prompted me to stop it or what. I had contamination and some other themes in high school mostly to do with AIDs, Herpes, and human decomposition. I got into a relationship and it started out as rocd then that faded and we were great for a while. We became fully sexually active like 6 months in and the rocd came back. I'd get really anxious before the act and it would shut everything down. Because of the sexual dysfunction the hocd started to come into play. I decided to just ignore it and eventually things got better sex wise but hocd never went away. I don't think I'm completely straight because I came across some porn in my early teens and was turned on by it, but I tried being bi I even came out and I found that I have no interest in women so I don't consider myself to be bi. I wish I could just say I'm straight because my interest only lies in men, but because of I was turned on by that porn my OCD won't let me. I'm 21 by the way, but I have aspergers so my maturity is more like that of a 17 year old.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
*sending virtual hug* this is basically what all beings with this hocd subtype go through - I promise you’re not alone. Sexuality is on a scale, that’s why you can look at a woman and appreciate her sexuality, sensuality, and beauty and find it attractive but that doesn’t mean anything. There’s men you might find attractive but never date, right? Here’s the thing that I learned in therapy that helped the most. People who don’t have ocd can just say, what a weird random thought, and move on with their day. Ocd wants to assign meaning to it. I’m guessing you’re very in tune with sensory experiences? You can feel things deeper than others? This can contribute to ocd wanting to assign meaning. So you get stuck thinking it has to mean something or nothing at all. You want the black and white, but the best thing about recovery is accepting they gray - essentially accepting, yeah, there’s a chance I could be gay, but is it likely? No, not really
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, I have sensory problems and get overwhelmed very easily. It's made this a massive struggle to deal with. Thank you for your reply it helps a lot. :)
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 No problem! Ocd likes to pretend it’s something else. With the right tools and patience and KINDNESS towards yourself you can recover. Really look into the ocd center of Los Angeles website - they have some really amazing articles on HOCD. This might help you get started! And as always feel free to comment here when you need some support
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I have an issue with compulsively reading articles, as well as using this app. I'm on here every five minutes it seems like. I've tried deleting it to take a break, but I always end up re-downloading it a little while later.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 I see, that’s a pretty common compulsion. Maybe try it in steps? Challenge yourself to go longer and longer periods without checking the phone or reading an article! Like a mini exposure.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I'll try that. I always try to do everything at once because I have it set in my mind that that's the way I'm supposed to do it. I've tried cutting out all compulsions at once and fail everytime. Thank you!
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 No problem girl! Honestly that’s what a lot of people try to do but you have to do it in steps like the hierarchy on this app! Date your compulsions 1-10, with 10s being the ones that give you the worst anxiety and then start with the 1s or 2s.
Related posts
Mags2002
- Date posted
- 22w
Soocd: need some response , is this even ocd?
I really dont know if it is ocd anymore I dont want certain sexual things with my bf anymore that i used to like When i envision it with a girl it is so easy to envision and it feels like i want that , that will give me the satisfaction This feeling is making me really question if i am still into men , desire men sexually Is this still ocd , i really dont know anymore , as it is a feeling it is too real
Pogoshow
- Date posted
- 15w
SOOCD
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
evasprog
- Date posted
- 7w
New sort of intrusive thought
Hello, so I’ve been struggling really badly with so-ocd where I am worried that I’m not actually straight when that’s what I’ve always thought and wanted to be. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now, he’s my first boyfriend and I really love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I remember one time, before I had struggles with so-ocd, I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I’m missing out on other men by staying with him’ and it didn’t really cause any anxiety but I felt quite guilty for thinking that. But I moved on. However, right now I’m in the depths of so-ocd it started back in March I believe, and today I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I never get the opportunity to try being with a woman because I’m in a relationship with a man’ and that has really set me off today. I’ve had a meltdown over it, my chest feels heavy and it felt so real like I actually wanted it and I had a feeling of wanting to be gay even though that’s not what I want in life. Why is this happening to me and I feel so horrible for thinking this like it felt like it was me and not the ocd and that I’m just lying to myself and my boyfriend. I’ve tried scrolling on here to see if anyone has had a similar thought or experience and I am aware that this is reassurance seeking but I just need someone to tell me that I’m okay
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond