sofifbuitron
- Date posted
- 5y
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s your head. And yes, it’s ocd. If you don’t try to go through therapy (cbt, erp) it is really hard to know the difference. But I had HOCD for years. I’m pretty much recovered. Pops up every now and then but I’m able to remind myself of what it really is. I’m very happily married to my husband and even though sometimes I can hate myself when it pops back up, I KNOW I love him. I think when we have sexually based obsessions we just want a break from the constant checking and groinal responses, so maybe it’s our brains giving us a break to dull the sensations we link to sex when we’re truly happy and at peace. For me, I’m still sexually attracted to my husband but because of the trauma from all those years with undiagnosed ocd it’s harder for me to get in the mood. But when I do it’s wonderful. Just keep your head up and really look into getting therapy.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
I know that I get aroused by my boyfriend but my hocd totally disregards that all together. Now I get scared that I won't get turned on and of course I don't. It sucks.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 Yep, that’s what it does. Women especially are more mental when it comes to sex - that’s why foreplay is important to us, it gets in the mood because it’s a connector more than the physical part. You just said yourself that it’s disregarding the sexual feelings you have for your boyfriend, and to me that’s an indicator that you know what’s going on. But it honestly takes time. Do you have the means/desire to try cbt or erp?
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I'm seeing a therapist who isn't really familiar with OCD right now. I'm kind of stuck money wise, but once I get my insurance figured out I'm going to try to get an OCD specialist. I don't really have any close to me. I would like to do ERP myself, but I don't have the willpower to not do compulsions when I'm by myself.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
Gotcha. It can definitely be hard with a therapist who isn’t strong in OCD. And it is unfortunately unnecessarily expensive to get specialized therapy -_-. One of the best resources I found was the Ocd center of Los Angeles- I took my test through there before I even moved to California from Michigan and it helped SO SO much. And this app already has some really good resources that we used in my therapy sessions. Doing exposures when you don’t know how to do them probably isn’t the best idea because it could be problematic in your long term recovery. You can always comment on this thread if you need some support too! I’m not sure how old you are but it was the worst for me when I was in high school/ early twenties. It’s get better as you get older.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
I first had it when I was 11-12 years old. I had other themes like contamination and scrupulosity before then. One day the thought what if I'm gay popped into my head. From then on I was super scared that I would accidentally look at a girl's boobs. It kinda went away by itself I remember not worrying about it nearly as much in 8th grade and all the way through high school. I don't remember if it switched to another theme and that's what prompted me to stop it or what. I had contamination and some other themes in high school mostly to do with AIDs, Herpes, and human decomposition. I got into a relationship and it started out as rocd then that faded and we were great for a while. We became fully sexually active like 6 months in and the rocd came back. I'd get really anxious before the act and it would shut everything down. Because of the sexual dysfunction the hocd started to come into play. I decided to just ignore it and eventually things got better sex wise but hocd never went away. I don't think I'm completely straight because I came across some porn in my early teens and was turned on by it, but I tried being bi I even came out and I found that I have no interest in women so I don't consider myself to be bi. I wish I could just say I'm straight because my interest only lies in men, but because of I was turned on by that porn my OCD won't let me. I'm 21 by the way, but I have aspergers so my maturity is more like that of a 17 year old.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
*sending virtual hug* this is basically what all beings with this hocd subtype go through - I promise you’re not alone. Sexuality is on a scale, that’s why you can look at a woman and appreciate her sexuality, sensuality, and beauty and find it attractive but that doesn’t mean anything. There’s men you might find attractive but never date, right? Here’s the thing that I learned in therapy that helped the most. People who don’t have ocd can just say, what a weird random thought, and move on with their day. Ocd wants to assign meaning to it. I’m guessing you’re very in tune with sensory experiences? You can feel things deeper than others? This can contribute to ocd wanting to assign meaning. So you get stuck thinking it has to mean something or nothing at all. You want the black and white, but the best thing about recovery is accepting they gray - essentially accepting, yeah, there’s a chance I could be gay, but is it likely? No, not really
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, I have sensory problems and get overwhelmed very easily. It's made this a massive struggle to deal with. Thank you for your reply it helps a lot. :)
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 No problem! Ocd likes to pretend it’s something else. With the right tools and patience and KINDNESS towards yourself you can recover. Really look into the ocd center of Los Angeles website - they have some really amazing articles on HOCD. This might help you get started! And as always feel free to comment here when you need some support
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I have an issue with compulsively reading articles, as well as using this app. I'm on here every five minutes it seems like. I've tried deleting it to take a break, but I always end up re-downloading it a little while later.
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 I see, that’s a pretty common compulsion. Maybe try it in steps? Challenge yourself to go longer and longer periods without checking the phone or reading an article! Like a mini exposure.
hateocd123hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y
@blech123 I'll try that. I always try to do everything at once because I have it set in my mind that that's the way I'm supposed to do it. I've tried cutting out all compulsions at once and fail everytime. Thank you!
blech123blech123
- Date posted
- 5y
@hateocd123 No problem girl! Honestly that’s what a lot of people try to do but you have to do it in steps like the hierarchy on this app! Date your compulsions 1-10, with 10s being the ones that give you the worst anxiety and then start with the 1s or 2s.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 23w
Am I even straight anymore?
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 22w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 22w
Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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