I just want to genuinly feel all those feelings i used to get when i imagined a scenario w my crush in it or when i imagined a love scenario at all. I miss al those feelings and not expierncing them changed me in a bad way.

I want to do that but im too scared to tell my parents. I think im going to save money and go on my own when im 18. Im really sick and tired of this and i need to tell someone whats going on because no one knows about my hocd.

Im 17 i have this since im 16

They would understand it. Not so long ago a mental health tv show in my country had an episode about hocd. My mom was shocked when she heared about it she was like omg this is a thing?? But then she said i dont think its weird because this days society sexuality is so in the picture and you might lose your true identity. I almost lost my shit when she discussed it at dinner and i almost almost was about to confess because i got so hot and red and nervouw that my own family was talking about the mental ilness that has been killing me for a year now. That has taken over my life and changed me completely into someone i dont want to be. But i still managed to keep myself together and i was ljke imma go to the toilet and then i escaped the situation. Anyway i dont want to tell my parents because its shame, ive always been very into boys and super girly and if they would hear this it will hurt them because they would know the thoights that go trough my head and they will think weirdly of it. Also i dont want to give them more problems. We live in a family with 5 kids and they already have so much problems of every single on and if i would add this it would be too much for them to handle. I dont know what im gonna do for now because sometimes i feel so strong and like im going to conquer this on my own and like i will forget about this but then i always have a moment where i just completely sink and go down and feel horribe and so drained and sad and it always goes up and down. Imma just wait till im 18 i guess

I understand. You’re not alone though. And you are strong. You’ve taken a huge step in recognizing that this is a mental illness, and it’s one so many people truly don’t understand. When I was in high school (I live in the US, I think it’s called secondary education in other countries? Not sure!) but I felt like my life was falling apart. I wanted to talk about it so bad and receive reassurance that my fears were wrong, but as you know reassurance just makes the cycle of ocd worse. My own mother who is a mental health profession but who is not knowledgeable about ocd would just tell me to “get over it,” or “stop overthinking”. She didn’t know that that is the worst advice for someone with this condition. About a year ago I explained to her what I’d gone through since seeking and completing therapy and she was honestly so surprised that she didn’t know more about it, but like you hear and see in this app, a lot of mental health professionals DONT know the proper treatments for this illness. The fact that you have downloaded this app and recognized there is a disconnect in your brain is something you should be proud of. It’s going to be really hard some days to believe that, but I hope you can eventually. As for telling your parents - you have to do what you think is right and best for YOU. If you don’t think it is time to tell them about your struggles then respect your gut instinct and give yourself time to adjust and grow. I really really urge you to check out the website I mentioned in my first post to you - there are really excellent resources on there about HOCD. I really hope this helps you - you can always comment on this thread if you need some support from someone who understands.

Hey, thank you so much for commenting again! Your comments really help me. I first didnt know hocd was a thing, i had it but i didnt know. I knew that there was something wrong with me and that jt wasn natural what was happening in my mind but i honestly was afraid to google it up because i was scared triggering things would show up and i also didnt want to have a mental ilness. So i just hid i for like 4 month but then it got so painful that one day i just looked up my symptoms and i found out about hocd and damn i cried so much out of relieve, that i wasnt alone and that i wasnt going crazy. I thought it would go better from there but i made myself believe it wasnt hocd and went really down. Now 8 months later i feel like time really helped me. Just sitting it out and feeling the feeligs. Im nowhere near who i used to be still but im just a lot more relaxed and less anxious. But still hocd has the biggest impact on my life and its all i think about 24/7. thats why i want to go into therapy because im always scared that this thing has scarred me for life and that it will for ever prevent me from feeling hapiness and excitement and that i will never feel real love again. I strive to feel that again so much that sometimes i force it and than end up getting hurt because its just not real and i get upset about missing out on those things. I feel like my years with hocd are wasted years of my life. The time before hocd is like heaven on earth for me i cherish it soo much and i really dont want the years of hapiness that i had before hocd to be the only true years of hapiness ive ever felt in my life. So im trying hard to heal so i can be myself again and i think therapy will help me. Thank you for calling me strong, when people say that I immediately feel like i can do this and fight this. I really appreciate ur support and i wish you good luck!

You got this! One last thing I want you to know - I know you’re scared you’ll never be “normal” again. That’s part of ocd in any form. And you’re right, you will never be normal again because you’ve had an experience in life most people without this mental illness never have to go through! But part of the recovery for ocd is acceptance of the fact that while you will always have this experience in your life, but just like a physical assault or loss, you eventually learn to live with it and not let it affect you as much. I am thirty years old now, and I spent fifteen years with hocd. Partly because I didn’t know what it was till my mid twenties, and then not being able to receive treatment for it for a few years more. It’s still something I deal with periodically, but now I’m able to see these reactions for what they are, OCD. I have a very loving and wonderful husband who knows all about my different subtypes and has taken the time to understand the condition and what it means to love someone with it. I was very open with him from the beginning about this condition and that helped a LOT. I really believe that if anyone wants to recover from this, they can. There are good and bad days just like anything else, but you can do this. Please reach out whenever you need a friendly ear! That’s the only thing I wished I had had when I was going through this growing up.

It’s the worst. Honestly. I dealt with HOCD for years. For me going to therapy really did help. I strongly recommend finding someone who is certified to help you with OCD. I went to the OCD center of Los Angeles and it made a very big difference in my life. Hope this helps.