rOCD - I just broke up with my bf

Hi there, I broke up with my boyfriend this morning. We were dating for about 4 and a half months, but it was quite serious. I have been dealing with feelings of rOCD with him ever since we started talking. We have the same values, similar likes & dislikes, and I have felt like I have been able to be my true self with him. I never experienced the "infatuation" period with him and that has always thrown me off with our relationship. I didn't realize I was experiencing rOCD, or even OCD until about a month into our relationship. I told him about my OCD and he was very understanding, however, he questioned if the rOCD was actually me just not having feelings for him. He kept saying "if I keep having doubts about the relationship, that's not OCD, that's just what I want". I can't help but want to disagree with this. I broke up with him this morning because it just felt like we weren't getting anywhere and not on the same page. I was struggling with knowing what I want in the future. Sidenote: I am a strong Christian and I have a huge fear of getting married, but I know I want to get married one day and have children. I am questioning if I did the right thing. I am questioning if I am a terrible person because of this. I have been doing ERP with a therapist here at NOCD, but I'm scared I don't actually have OCD. I'm just doing this to hide the fact I don't have true feelings for my bf. Has anyone gone through a similar experience? No advice please. I just want to know I'm not alone.

Relationship OCD

um_

Date posted: 39w

Hello, I’m currently going through a similar experience right now. I just found out that I have rOCD and it’s stressful. I’m currently avoiding my boyfriend’s response to my rant because it’s making me nervous the more he replies. I downloaded this app three days ago, and before that we would argue at least twice a week. Personally, I felt like he kept making my feelings feel invalid, so I thought he was annoyed from me. Every time I would attempt to speak to him about what he did caused me to feel he would say that I’m trying to start an argument. He even had decided for us to only to talk during the week and not on the weekends in order for us to argue less. Plus, he started saying how it doesn’t seem like I want a relationship. I begged him not to only make us talk during the week despite him constantly trying to cut me off and he eventually caved in. He told me to come up with a solution since I didn’t like his and I said that I would stop telling him how I feel. He liked this idea and he went to bed since it was 1am. On the other hand, I stayed up on TikTok watching videos. I sent him a video where it was a man talking about how the women’s mind never rests as long as she doesn’t feel safe. The next morning he began apologizing for lashing out at me the previous night. Then he watched the video and asked me what it means. Once I told him that basically he should listen to me and try creating a safe space for me instead of cutting me off mid sentence, he asked if I wanted to do this and I said yes.

bmaria

Date posted: 23w

Rocd ??

Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)

Firefly girl

Date posted: 22w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

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rOCD - I just broke up with my bf

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