Just an SOOCD rant

I’ve posted on here many times over the last year and I’m so tired of the same things bothering me over and over and over again. I truly think I could move past this theme for good if I never watched lesbian porn growing up. It seriously feels like the one thing holding me back!!! I don’t know why I did it during those years, I was just intrigued I guess. But it feels like it HAS to mean something about my sexuality now. Like it must mean something that I did that or make me at least bisexual. But I also don’t want to be with women in any form other than friendship and am really so happy with my boyfriend! It’s a tug of war going on inside my brain 😭😭😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Miss I am sorry that you are having this struggle with your past. It is your past, you have the power to release yourself. Choose different thoughts that get you away from this. I am very familiar with the consequences of my own poor choices. We must choose to live in the here and now and plan for a wonderful future. Take it from me. I have been in your shoes. Yes, we spilled the milk. It was a long time ago, and even though we made a mess, (and maybe rolled around in it a little too,) doesn't mean that we are confined to negative choices for the rest of our life. We don't have to continue to dwell on that. It means we made a bad desicion, and bad decisions have bad consequences. That's what it means.

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yeah I don’t even see it necessarily as “bad”. It was clearly something I did at that age to explore my sexuality in some type of way. But i never felt inclined to try those things out. I honestly think my interest was more so related to my desire to grow up and be a “sexy” woman and wear lingerie and I thought straight porn looked scary and painful. I just am having a very difficult time accepting those actions and that they might just be actions with no deeper meaning. Thanks for your response though!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Bisexuality is a choice- or concept. You were born either male or female.

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 1y

hey! it’s totally ok to want to explore things, there’s so many women who have explored lesbianism and decided that wasn’t for them. it doesn’t mean anything unless you put meaning into it. you just seem curious haha. i used to struggle w soocd for a while and i now have a bf!! your sexuality is ultimately up to you #ilovemybf

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@1angieee This is a little triggering. I don’t watch it anymore and haven’t had any interest in watching for probably 10 years. I think I could’ve been curious at one point (but the only evidence for that is the porn). And I’m just trying to say that that past use is triggering for my SOOCD now. #ialsolovemybf

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@1angieee I hope this post doesn’t come across that I am curious! I don’t have any interest or curiosity

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 noo it doesn’t! i meant that when you mentioned being intrigued in the past my only assumption i could make is that you’re curious. i meant curious in a general term not sexuality curious possibly just curious on how it works. i was just trying to say that if at one point you were curious it could mean literally nothing about you now :) sorry for the misunderstanding

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 i definitely meant past tense now now as well

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 1y

@1angieee not*

MissBee2440

Date posted: 1y

It's just curiosity. The world is f'ked up.

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