Make up

I’m a female who has never been too interested in make up. For the longest time I remember hating how it felt on my skin, and no one was around to teach me how to do it properly. Whenever I put it on, I feel like a pig wearing lipstick, you know? Recently, I’ve been really wanting to wear some and learn, so I’ve collected make up items and watched videos and tutorials, but whenever I do it I seem very anxious or very upset with the end result, like I don’t like it. I think I’m just not used to seeing myself wearing it, but my transgender OCD keeps telling me that it’s somehow proof or evidence that I’m actually a boy instead of a girl, or that I somehow WANT to be a boy instead of a girl. It’s very stressful, I know for a fact that I’m not a boy and don’t want to be a boy or a man, but my OCD keeps telling me that the feeling of thinking I look like a “pig wearing lipstick” is gender dysphoria. At this point, everything I do is laced with “you wanna be a boy, you’re trans, you want to be a man, one day you’ll transition into a man and your thoughts will be proven right.” It’s very exhausting.

SquidNOV

Date posted: 38w

Why not try starting off with something small like just a lip gloss and getting use to that, then slowly adding in eye liner or a light lotion like foundation?

River_thefish

Date posted: 38w

@SquidNOV Yeah I think that might be better than jumping into full faced looks and being completely uncomfortable 😭 I’ll definitely try sticking to that soft things for now!

HopefulGal

Date posted: 38w

I think when you are starting out with makeup it can feel very strange. You don’t have to wear makeup to prove your a girl, but I understand you want to enhance your looks. Wish I could help because I am a makeup artist myself.

River_thefish

Date posted: 38w

@HopefulGal Yeah it feels like- I don’t recognize myself because I’m used to just never wearing anything. However I really want to start- just not exactly sure how.

Amara

Date posted: 38w

It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed by these thoughts and emotions, especially since they intertwine both your experiences with makeup and your feelings about gender. OCD can create thoughts that feel very compelling, but it’s important to remind yourself that these thoughts do not define who you are. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it reflects your reality or your identity. Allow yourself the grace to explore makeup at your own pace. You don’t have to master it right away. Try different looks, techniques, and products to find what feels comfortable for you. It’s all part of your personal choice. Social media and tutorials can sometimes create unrealistic standards. If you find that they're increasing your anxiety, take a break from them and practice on your own until you feel more confident.

dianasjourney

Date posted: 38w

This is exactly how my TOCD started.

River_thefish

Date posted: 38w

@dianasjourney It’s so difficult to deal with. How are you coping? Are you still dealing with it?

dianasjourney

Date posted: 38w

@River_thefish It really is incredibly difficult. I’m doing better now than I have in the past months. I just respond to everything with “I don’t know” instead of maybe, maybe not or whatever methods. Seems to do the trick for the most part, the anxiety is low or not there. I’m just like hoping for things to go back to normal now.

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 25w

Anyone else relate??

Idk if this is OCD per se, it feels more like perfectionism than anything. but I was wondering if anyone can relate. I’m a girl approaching the age of 20 and there are certain things I really want to be able to enjoy and pamper myself with, like getting my nails done, or getting a lash lift. But I’ve discovered that doing either brings me a lot of stress. For example, I just bought some nice press on nails last week and I put them on last night (which took me soooo long) and I’ve been so stressed about them since. I keep worrying that they’re going to fall off right away and I keep checking them and pushing on them to see, so much so that I worry I’m going to make them loose. I already had one looking like it was starting to lift, and instead of leaving it I pulled it off entirely cuz I’d rather start over and redo it than have it fall off, and now I’m worried my other nails are gonna fall off and that I should just pull them off now before they do. I keep pushing on one nail that feels loose to me. But it hasn’t lifted, but I’ve pushed it so much now that I want to rip it off. And another example, when I get a lash lift I worry so much because I start obsessing over the evenness of the curl on both sides. It always feels like one side is more curled than the other. Or that one side looks more fuller (more lashes) than the other and it makes me stressed. And I also obsess over those pesky lashes that just didn’t want to curl and I try pulling them out sometimes to make it look for even. It’s just little things like that which make these experiences unenjoyable for me, even tho I so badly want to enjoy them. I spent money on these nails and I want them to last and I’m so worried that I did them wrong and ruined it. I just don’t want them to fall off. But they’re caused me a lot of stress in the last 24hrs and I’ve been hyperfixating on them so much.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Doubts about self expression

This obsession is new, but feels so much more grounded and it’s so anxiety inducing. Since the ocd started I’ve lost my sense of self and confidence. I got soocd and it slowly turned into be doubting my identity on whether I want to identify or dress masculine or feminine. I don’t feel good in the clothes I would typically wear out before I’m constantly overanalyzing how I’m feeling , it makes me really anxious and like I’m preforming. So then I started doubting if I would rather dress masculine and it’s extremely anxiety inducing and idk if it’s the ocd now but it feels like that’s how I want to dress.. that’s not what I associated with at all before the ocd but now it feels like that’s what would make me feel fully confident and loose in the world, does anyone else experience this??

RavenRose77

Date posted: 12w

OCD has destroyed who I am

Finally slept well today! Which is nice. Regardless, I feel like it has destroyed who I am. Its been over a year and a half, and I keep overthinking and questioning my identity and I can’t let it go to the point where I feel that my future is certain, even though I’ve liked myself the entire time and had a pretty stable idea of who I was. My mind has gathered enough proof. I love being a woman, and I don’t want a different body. I wasn’t born in the wrong body. I am obsessing over my voice, which needs no changes, and my chest. After speaking to a friend of a friend, I’m afraid I’ll want a sex change when I finally have a partner. I’m terrified. I don’t know if anyone can relate. I don’t know how to get over this and my first ERP session is in about a week. How do I even go about this? I feel like a monster to my own family.

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