Are we all addicts? Craving relief?

I've recently been on a journey to find an effective therapy for my chronic pain(migraine). It's exhausting and draining and horrible, sure, but the thing that is the worst for me is the idea that some therapy will work. I'm terrified that this journey will end, it will have a simple solution, an easily accessible medication, and my pain will go away. One of the reasons, the reason I'm more comfortable talking about, is that my pain is real to me in a world, and in a mind, where few things can have an intense reality like pain. Generally, I ocillate between being unconvinced of my own existence or critically aware of it. I'm all jumbled up, my head is a swamp of ruminations and thought-stopping illusions, but my pain cuts through it like a knife. When my migraines are the worst, there are no more thoughts, just pain. This isn't stopping me from looking for a treatment though, and I mostly think of it as an interesting quirk in my relationship to my pain. The thing that really scares me, that might hold me back, is that I will get an easy treatment, the pain won't be there, and it was never as bad as I thought it was. In fact, this thing that has defined me, been a bouy in the storm of OCD even, was never real. It was attention, self-obsession, and it can go away easily because I'm blowing it out of proportion. I don't believe I'm lying, I'm scared that I'll be told it is a small thing or that it's not there at all. I'm oversensitive. I'm crying for help. There is no migraine, there is only OCD. It's silly to me as I write it, with a headache of course, but this is the thought plaguing me. This is what holds me back and urges me to not call my neurologist back, I'm scared it will have all been nothing, and then it will be gone.

Hi all. It is my first week on here and I don’t think I was anticipating how broken I would feel when I started this process. I hope I can do this, but I have been at listening to these obsessions about my health for 30 of my 45 years on the planet. I thought I had things more together, but this year has been real bad for so many reasons and my cracks are really showing. I am not sure what my question is..maybe I just need to know people have come back from where I am.

im getting so annoyed i cant stop thinking about time and death and everything how do i stay present and cope literally almost everything is triggering me its been weeks it feels like everything is moving so slow yet so fast and i can feel every second and i keep getting random memories of things i usually wouldn’t even remember they aren’t bad but its just another reminder of time passing and the only thing that helped just enough is xanax but i cant keep taking it every day cause i dont wanna get addicted i need like natures xanax or something how do i produce the same effect a xan gives without taking one for the love of god bro as soon as i think its getting better i start spiraling an hour later and wont be able to stop and its making me feel like i need to go to a psych hospital or something but then i feel like what if im not bad enough to go to one