Are we all addicts? Craving relief?

Like to the point of your mind being yours? And not being anxious or harassed by your thoughts 24/7? I just wanna know if escape is possible?

I have known something was wrong with my “brain” for a long time. I am a recovering alcoholic who will be celebrating 5 years of Recovery in January. For me, drinking was my solution, not my problem however, I was OBSESSED with alcohol and could never say no to my CRAVINGS no matter how much self will I had. I eventually got sober through the program of AA, found a higher power and for many years my life was great. I never thought about alcohol and stayed active in AA. Over the past two years is when my Pure OCD started. First it was my relationship. Then I changed jobs and was in school for 9 months. I was constantly over studying, repetitive flash cards ever day, all because of fear of failure. It was the most stressed I have ever been in my whole life. The day before my final exam, I was driving and the word “alcohol” popped into my head. Not a craving or a want, just “alcohol.” I immediately started spiraling. “Why am I thinking about this” “why won’t this go away” “is my addiction/craving back.” It was torture. I became so scared of relapse I went to an AA meeting everyday, called my sponsor everyday, started re working the steps. I started doing everything I did the first time that got me relief but yet the thought remained for three weeks. This is the night “my brain broke.” While engaging in sex with my partner, an image of someone close to me popped in my head. Not in a sexual manor but because I was in the act my brain associated with it. I spiraled for two weeks. I was convinced I was a pedophile. Constantly seeking re assurance, re playing past memories. Every day my brain found a new fear. During that time I remember almost NEVER thinking about alcohol. At some times I welcomed that thought to come back. I have started therapy and my POCD has slowed down a lot and the thought/fear of alcohol is back and constantly in my mind. This poses a challenge for my brain. Is this an OCD fear or is it craving? My brain can rationalize now (on good days) that I’m not a pedophile but with alcohol it’s something I was addicted too and always will be. So my question is, is there anyone out there struggling with OCD and is also in recovery?

I feel as though I have struggled with hypersexuality and p*rn addiction for years or my life due to maladaptive coping with anxiety and childhood s*xual trauma that I haven’t necessarily worked through. Every time I “relapse” per se, when I’m extremely anxious and I suppose need a little dopamine and oxytocin boost - some serotonergic action in my brain, I will engage with rather s*xual or er*tic material and I always describe it as “the bad thing” because I feel I will be punished by God for turning back to this sinful behavior. I recognize it’s bad and I feel I am punished every time. Like every time it happens, something goes wrong, in my body, in my life, like my luck turns rotten and my health to shit and I can’t stop but think… is it really irrational hyper religious thinking or are these genuinely “coincidental” occurrences actually a sign from God? Like am I being told to stop? It’s from the universe to protect me and guide me back to the right path and I need to be punished as a reminder? I am scared because I am God fearing and I don’t want to burn in hell for my sins not continue to sin but I feel it’s hard to control sometimes and I’m tired of being punished. Anyone else have a similar experience?