Confessing ocd

Hey guys, I’m really struggling with real event ocd with something I did 3 years ago, to do with relationships. I cannot shake this guilt feeling and urge to fess up and tell my partner everything. My therapist has told me not too as apparently it’s reinforcing the cycle. But I feel unworthy and like I’m keeping this huge secret (which I never was worried about before until recently). Over the past few weeks confessing has made me feel relief but then I find something else really bad in my past to dwell over. Anyone got any advice how to move past this or get over it? If so I’d really appreciate it, thank you!

curefan6

Date posted: 38w

i went through this real bad a few months ago. i gave in to my urges once and confessed to my bf and it wasn’t really worth it. it just made him upset. and then IMMEDIATELY after i thought of more things i needed to confess and they ate away at me for weeks. it was awful. but i knew this was ocd and i refused to let myself tell him. it would only make him upset again and it would have no real benefit if i said anything. after a while, those urges went away. just try your best, you are not a bad person!! it’s just ocd!!

curefan6

Date posted: 38w

@curefan6 i understand how brutal the guilt can feel, and you can’t focus on anything else. but you’re going to be okay!

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 38w

Recognize the compulsion to confess as inherently selfish. It serves to rid you of anxiety regarding secret-keeping and how it goes against your values. Thing is, everyone has secrets and little things they keep to themselves

Nelly882

Date posted: 38w

@FloralEnvoy But I disagree that it’s selfish I believe it’s selfish to keep things to yourself as it feels like you are lying to your partner and that they don’t know the ‘true’ you, if that makes sense - I just feel like a terrible person

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 38w

@Nelly882 I don't think you disagree, I think you're so anxious that you're looking to compulsively rid yourself of your guilt without realizing it, and confessing is the only way you know how to do it. I'm telling you this from firsthand experience, confessing doesn't rid you of the guilt. You've already experienced that. It just leads you to experience brief relief before your OCD activates again and goes "hmm but how can we be sure you've confessed everything? You shouldn't feel better until you've combed through every memory to make sure." Then boom, you remember 6 months ago you had an intrusive thought you feel bad about. Or maybe now you have an intrusive thought about if you remember other things correctly. False memory OCD is a thing, after all. Please take my advice. With OCD, if it's compulsive, you cannot do it. If it's to rid yourself of discomfort or anxiety, it will not work. You will just inevitably be participating in a ritual that will not work.

Nelly882

Date posted: 38w

@FloralEnvoy Okay thank you for your help, what do you suggest I do to try to get past this horrid feeling, how can I not ruminate or think about it, the worse is when I forget for a bit and then I remember and it’s this sinking feeling.

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 38w

@Nelly882 I wish I knew, I'm telling you this from the other side of the compulsion you're having. I confessed everything I did, and traumatized my partner to the point where she admitted she'd have rather not known. Skeletons in the closet stay there no matter how many times you open the closet door to show people. I wish I had better advice on how to appease the guilt, but honestly some stuff deserves guilt. You feeling guilty is not your partners fault though, so why do they need to sit through you dumping harmful information to them before asking them to forgive you? That kind of logic is the only thing that stopped me from continuing the loop of confessing more and more. At some point it stopped being about admitting I did wrong and became a quest to cleanse myself of any secret I had. It didn't help.

Sillyguppy

Date posted: 25w

A fear of forming & getting into relationships?

Hello OCD friends! I'm new on here, but here has been the top question mark in my mind lately. How exactly is one with real event and false memory OCD expected to make or form relationships with others? I know confession compulsions are quite common place in this type of OCD, and that they should be avoided, but i'm not sure how exactly to get over that feeling of "lying" to your partner, even though you technically aren't lying about anything, just keeping things to yourself that are meant to be kept to yourself. I'm working against the confession compulsions and working on keeping the past in the past. But it feels so difficult to form a relationship when I feel this huge issue under the surface.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 23w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

chickenmomma

Date posted: 23w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

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