Compulsions I appreciate if someone read this

I’m having an intense urge to do compulsion?? It’s so annoying like at this point intrusive thoughts are 10% of the day but thoughts about doing compulsion are like 90% of the day does it make sense? Like my brain process is that I can’t live with the urge to do compulsion for the rest of my life cause it’s annoying and scary me that it’s here all day, so it’s try to convince me to do a compulsion to get rid of the thought. And it’s makes me mad that it’s all the time. Like the compulsion is so easy and takes like 1 seconds so I have to be focused all the time cause if I’m not focuse every second of the day I might lose control and do a compulsion I don’t want to. So I do other compulsion’s instead (this compulsion is shameful one) . But the thought to do this compulsion was 2 weeks every second of the day I feel like someone torture me . My therapist told me that I’m basically afraid to do compulsion so I’m doing other compulsions instead I don’t want to do this compulsion cause it will make me feel bad and I’m already feeling bad so I can’t feel more bad. My mind trying to bully me to do this compulsion cause I’m afraid the thought to do this compulsion will always be there. I feel like I can’t live with that thought. Someone has advice?

POCD

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

It's so hard not to do compulsio s but if you continue to not do them things will get better. I know it doesn't seem that way. But just try to sit with the uncertainty and do the next thing you need to do today.

OrMsB

Date posted: 38w

@ElevenB Thank you for answering, it’s just so hard because what if the thought to do this compulsion will be forever. I’m trying not to do the compulsion (maybe I’m doing other compulsions I’m not sure) but the thought to do this compulsion kills me literally. And my mind is like “if you do the compulsion your life will be ruined “ and the urge is so big like I want to ruin my life but I don’t I feel like my life is already ruin like my mind can’t let go of this urge it’s every second and It freaks me out

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

@OrMsB I understand. I felt the same way, like this is the way it's always going to be. But it really does get better as you learn to ignore the thoughts and compulsions. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do but it really does work. But it's a journey and it takes time. Give yourself some grace and compassion. 🫂

OrMsB

Date posted: 38w

@ElevenB Thank you so much really, it’s just feel impossible cause it’s a compulsion I don’t want to do and if I do the compulsion I don’t know what to do with my self and my mind trying to bully me to do it says it’s takes one second I’m just frustrated with this I’m terrified what if the urge is so strong it’s not ocd at this point

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

It's OCD. Just try not to engage it. Don't try to figure out if it's you or OCD. Have you ever walked through a crowd trying to get to where you need to go? You don't engage with each person you just maneuver to keep from running into anyone. That's how you have to be with these thoughts emotions and compulsions. Just keep navigating through. But I know how hard it is.

OrMsB

Date posted: 38w

@ElevenB Thank you so much for the advice. My mind always questions if this possible to recover or avoid from doing the compulsion When it’s the only thing I think for a 3 weeks straight so it’s terrify me that I’m going to do the compulsion. I feel like suck a loser and tiered for fighting with my head 24/7 that I don’t know how to accept those thoughts. Again thank you so much for the advise

OrMsB

Date posted: 38w

I want to throw up it’s like 3 weeks in my head I feel sick

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

I don't know if you listen to Mark DeJesus or Jaimie Eckert but they have really helped me. They're on YouTube.

OrMsB

Date posted: 38w

@ElevenB I will search them up, thank you

blueberrybush3

Date posted: 25w

please anyone...

i didn't get a response so i'm reposting, i'd really like another persons perspective... idk if what i write will make sense but i am scared of my ability to prolong and intensify / increase the vividness of the physical and mental feelings and thoughts i am experiencing to the point i think since i am doing something willingly that feels so horrific it makes me a bad person who did actually something bad. especially when this has to do with sxual thoughts that i absolutely despise. idk if it's a compulsion but it almost feels unavoidable (is it a compulsion?) let me explain like once my brain feels/knows i'm extra scared to imagine and feel something i get this anticipatory anxiety that just won't leave me alone until i undergo / get through what feels like the most disturbing, vivid level of my own thoughts and feelings and i can control that to a degree where i hyperfixate on my sensations and thoughts and it plays out and prolongs which feels so awful and real and then i'm like hold up i really just did that intentionally i feel traumatized and so grossed out. esp if i hold my breath for some reason i noticed my bodily feelings and mental images are more vivid and i feel so guilty for it. i've done so many exposures and i can't get over this fear of my own ability to purposefully be able to think really hard and manipulate the intensity of my most darkest thoughts that it disturbingly impacts both my body and mind, physical and mental reactions. is this common? is it a compulsion? what am i doing wrong and what should i do.

eea

Date posted: 23w

Help

Lately I have been having really really bad existential ocd the thoughts and compulsions never stop they are even in my dreams I resist compulsions as long as I can but I just want this to go away I keep thinking about how many hours in a day people would have if they weren’t like me I just feel so awful every second I feel like I’m living a double life I only know about I just want this to all go away

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 18w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

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