People with ROCD, Please Help

It scares me so much getting to know somebody and then just having them out of my life forever. It genuinely hurts.

@maranta It does hurt. But it is a part of life. There's always uncertainty about relationships. It's hard not to worry but just try to take it one day at a time. And I don't think you're a terrible person for thinking about someone. That's natural. But what you do with the thoughts is what you have to consider. If he manipulated you that's what you really need to think about.

@ElevenB I barely knew the guy, we were getting to know each other and I guess you could call them dates, I've never actually gone on dates before so I'm unsure. But eventually I realized the infatuation I was feeling was just that, and felt more drawn to him as a friend, as sweet as he was to me. And I told him when I realized, and he was kind about it and wished me luck. So I just don't understand why I feel like a truck hit me, that I lost somebody so important to me. I'm already associating my favourite game with him because he watched me play it. I have no idea if it's my OCD or I'm just an awful person. He was so sweet and kind so I don't understand why I didn't feel romantic attachment when we got along so well and had so much fun. I feel guilty and feel like I ruined his life.

@maranta If you only felt drawn to him as a friend then you did the right thing. But that doesn't mean you won't feel sad about it. Is there any chance y'all can have a friendship and still hang out as just friends? Sounds like you enjoyed his company but just not romantically. You could see if he's up to a friendship with you.

@ElevenB He said he couldn't stay friends with somebody he is really into. I think that's why it hit harder, I don't know.

@ElevenB I am immediately overanalyzing every little thing I felt, comparing him to somebody else who I just felt a friendship attachment towards but it didn't hurt like this then, so now I'm asking myself why they feel different, and if that means I DO like this more recent guy... I know trying to find meaning and comparing is a compulsion but I doubt every single decision I ever make, that I never feel okay.

@maranta Give it a little while and see how you feel then. See if these feelings fade with time. I know OCD makes it hard though.

@ElevenB I keep thinking I should have asked him on a date in person. We only called on Discord. But I feel like if I were to text him and ask him out in person, and things didn't work out then, he'd be even more upset with me and I'd have wasted his time.

@maranta That's a decision you will have to make and it's not an easy one. But it never hurts to ask. And getting to know someone isn't a waste of time even if it doesn't work out

@ElevenB I realized I wasn't steadily taking my meds either. I'm going to get back on them, have a therapy appointment and see how I feel after. I would really like to see him in person. I don't want to be afraid because of my OCD.

@maranta That sounds like a good plan. I'm sure your therapist can give you some direction.