kaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
yea same here. but for me, now that i’ve gotten and am getting better, in realizing i don’t look at women the same as guys. women i look at and i’m like oh she’s pretty, or i recognize things out of my own insecurities. so for instance i’m very insecure of my body, so i notice when other women have nice bodies and i’m like oh wow she has a nice body i want a body like that. and before when my hocd was really bad i was like omg why’d you even notice her body. but now i’ve realized that’s normal. and i look at men and i’m like oh he has a nice body that’s hot. or omg he’s really cute i want him to talk to me. it’s not the same for me. but then my hocd is like “or is it the same and you’re just denying it” but i don’t think it is tbh. but also then my ocd is like do you really not think that stuff is true or is that just you hoping it’s not true” who knows. but the better i get the more sense it makes to me what my hocd has been doing to me and that i don’t really like women like that. but sometimes the hocd thoughts come back and get me thinking and then it gets bad or somewhat bad again
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
do you have a therapist? And yeah I’m kind of getting to that stage of recognizing it’s not actual attraction and I’m just hypervigilant of other people’s looks due to insecurities but yeah other times it doesn’t feel like it. Like I might watch a TV show and multiple “attractive” people or people who have qualities my OCD has identified to be more aware of and I just shout in my head “oh no...you’re definitely gay/bi” lol
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
But when I’m actually attracted to someone I feel this inner desire to want to talk to them or get to know them because I want them to be just as interested in me versus “oh no I think they’re attractive I hope I never see them again”
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@evkrey EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. when i see attractive girls i’m like ahh i hope i don’t cross paths with them again. but with attractive guys i’m like omg i hope he talks to me
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@evkrey i don’t have a therapist sadly. i’ve looked in my area and there’s no ocd specialist any closer than an hour and a half away
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf LOL it’s like TERROR to think about being in a room alone with someone attractive of the same sex. My OCD likes to flip that with maybe the attraction is real but it’s being repressed and I’m just “dissatisfied/upset with my orientation” ala internalized homophobia smh
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@evkrey wow i really relate to this so much it’s crazy. everytime i get better my brain finds something else to make me worry about my hocd and it always tells me that the feelings are just repressed bc i have internalized homophobia which really doesn’t make sense bc i’ve always been so accepting of homosexuals and never had anything against them. it just isn’t my thing. and that was obvious to me before. but now because of hocd, it’s not and it sucks ?♀️
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf But on the therapist that’s okay you can still do self erp work with different self help books out there like the one by Jonathon Grayson tied with Jon Hershfield’s mindfulness book. Also YouTube channels like Chrissie Hodges, Mark Freeman, Ali Greymond and the ocd podcast have been the most helpful for me. Thankfully I have a therapist in my area to tie all this together
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Yeah same. My only counter argument is that I think well if I’m worrying about it this much it’s probably OCD. And it’s better to treat that than worry about if I’m gay/bi or not
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
Same here. It’s like okay OCD you’re telling me I’m bi but I really prefer women and I always have my whole life up until the last year or so when OCD hit and made me confused...how does that make sense?! Lol
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY. and my hocd also tells me sometimes that hocd can’t make you think you’re bi, it only makes you think you are fully gay or fully straight. so then i get freaked out but i calm myself. and i try to remember that ocd makes you doubt everything but then i’m like hm what if that’s a compulsion and just is making me worse
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Yeah my HOCD started with me feeling like I was “turning gay” then I found some attraction to women back in spurts so now it’s like “I’m turning Bi” or have been Bi but either repressed it or didn’t know it. Plus I heard something about “bi cycles” and attractions coming and going which really spiked me. It’s like a constant battle because rationally it doesn’t make sense but it FEELS so real and the thoughts keep coming. That’s the amygdala talking (I hope)
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
omg that’s crazy! that’s the exact book i was looking at to buy i just didn’t know if i should or not. and i started watching chrissie hodges and that’s how i found out about this app!
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah chrissie has really good videos that talk about all this stuff. I’ve watched nearly all of them, even those not related to OCD. The podcast gives insights from actual specialists along with stories from sufferers on how to overcome the disorder. The guy behind them is named Stuart Ralph I think and he has videos with Chrissie on them!
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
cool! thank you so much, you’ve helped a tonnn!
evkreyevkrey
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf No problem! You helped me too. Just explore and grasp as much information you can. You can always hit me on this thread I guess if you want to keep talking or have more questions. I may do the same lol
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
sounds good! thank you so much, glad you found this thread and we got to talk!
Related posts
maya_hockey1728
- Date posted
- 25w
I need help
So basically, I don’t know when this started, but basically whenever I look at a girl, a girl on a phone screen, or even a cartoon that’s a girl, I have this weird tendency that I like them, even though I’m straight. And though I am fairly young (still a teen), I’m positive that I’m straight, but my mind is giving me these weird feelings and signals that I’m not. And disclaimer, I do not have a problem with people with other kinds of sexualities, but I am feared for my life about this. I’ve honestly been keeping these tough emotions and feelings in me for days now. I don’t want to tell my mom because I don’t want her to think bad of me, and we also live in a Catholic household, so the thought of having a different sexuality is a lot on us. I’ve done some of my research, and since I’ve had many different types of OCD for quite some time, I’ve come to the conclusion that apparently I have SO-OCD or HOCD (basically the same thing.) I don’t know if this is true or not. But some other websites have told me that it’s just a part of being a teenager and growing up, and finding what love interest suits you the most, but I honestly have no pleasure with this whatsoever! I constantly think about, “oh, what if you like this girl right there?” Every time I walk past a girl, and sometimes my mind agrees with it, but deep down I don’t want this. And even sometimes, when I’m watching a video, or looking at boys in real life, looking at boy cartoon characters, most of the time, my mind tells me, “this boy is cute. I am attracted to him.” But other times, I completely disagree with that statement. Same with girls, so I don’t know. And also my mind tells me, or something in me tells me that the guys at school that I like, I don’t like them anymore, and instead I look at the girls, in which I know that I’m not attracted to, so it’s just a continuous cycle like that and I don’t know how to stop it. Someone please help because I don’t really know how to explain this, it’s just tough on me.
anonymous1348
- Date posted
- 23w
hocd
straight girl suffering from hocd, okay so when i was younger i looked at like a girl corn star insta for like 2 weeks and like did get aroused by it, didn’t think much of it still fancied boys, girls were like ew no to me, but its triggering my hocd so badly, like is it normal that i could look at a sexy pic of a girl n get aroused by it, but like a shirtless pic of a boy i wouldn’t, however i have insane attraction to men irl, i love my boyfriend, i love the idea of being with a man and hate the idea of being with a woman, this really freaking me out!
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 19w
Hocd is literally a clown in my head.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
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