Argument

Longer post, but please, I need some guidance. I thought that my thoughts relating to relationship OCD were taking over. But, my bf started treating me differently. I tried to have a conversation and communicate this worry. He then texted me that he had actually been feeling distant for a month and has been meaning to tell me. But “we’re fine now.” I spiraled. Later in the week, he went quiet after a disagreement. After he promised we were okay and he was okay, I found later he was texting a mutual friend (female) that I was crying again. She said that it was fucking insane and other hurtful things about me. He said he lost his trust with me because I looked through his phone and saw that message even though during the whole relationship we had a mutual understanding that we had nothing to hide from each other and he always assured me that I could look through his phone at anytime. It’s ok for boundaries to change in a relationship, but it wasn’t communicated and I was harshly reprimanded. During the texting chain with the mutual friend he also said that “she just has no idea.” When I addressed this, he then said that for the past month, he actually felt he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but still loved me. I’m ruined. I had the same thoughts in January and knew I loved him. I found out it was ROCD (through this app) and told him the day after the realization because it was eating at me. So him saying I wouldn’t understand and telling other seems unjustified. I would’ve been the most understanding. Any help would be appreciated greatly.

hi everyone. i feel this is the only platform where i can vent. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. at first, i caught him messaging other girls, asking for their only fans and would message his cousin to text him saying they’re going to the movies that way he can escape with someone else. he would smoke and drink alot. last year, he told me he was drinking after work and wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. he did not get home until 4am and expected me to not be mad. he would aggressively throw things whenever he would be upset. this of course, created a lot of anxiety and trauma. that day, i grabbed my things and left. i ended up giving him a 2nd chance because he was begging me and promised he would change. just last night, he did the same exact thing. he was drinking with his coworkers and i called him because it was getting late (8pm). he kept declining and texted he was w his coworkers and not to pick him up because his cousin was going to pick him up to continue drinking. this of course made me very upset and I told him i felt neglected. I told him I was done with our relationship because I cannot continue to tolerate this. he turned off his phone and got home until 1am. he was upset and said i should just wait for him to get home to talk. today, i packed my bags and left. i do not want to continue feeling anxious or neglected. am i in the wrong for packing my things and leaving? should i have stayed and talked to him? i am super heartbroken as we also had a dog who we both love very much. i feel like i lost my 2 loves and my heart is shattered. i would greatly appreciate anyone to respond. thank you!

Now that I am coming into a new better version of myself I am recognizing my own behavioral patterns. I noticed that recently instead of choosing to sit with uncertainty I still choose to the reassurance path. Even full well knowing the context of the situation, what uncertainty I must sit with, and still choose to be angry and seek reassurance. Context: -Yesterday I had a sleepover with my bf at his place. We got home from a walk in his neighborhood pretty late and thought we’d both wash off before bed. I walk into his room and say something along the lines of mmmm our leftovers sound good. He said he can warm it up for me before or after we shower. I said after. Cut to after our shower I am drying off and brushing my hair. He walks in and says he’s gonna sit outside to smoke and brush his teeth when he gets back. I said okay! He leaves to go outside and in my head I’m like ughhh I’m embarrassed to remind him about the food because I’m having intrusive thoughts that he probably thinks I’m a slob for wanting to eat this late at night. (He has roommates so I’m still a little lenient on him to use appliances that everyone uses especially this late bc I don’t want to get scolded for making noise). A little bit of time passes by and he comes back and immediately starts brushing his teeth. Now I’m like aghhh my window has closed to ask because he’s probably ready to go to bed and I’m gonna be an inconvenience asking him if he can warm it up for me. I’m a little frustrated because I was hoping he’d remember about the leftovers and eat with me so I don’t think I’m a slob for wanting wings at like 1 am and we can both be slobs :D….. well he comes back into the room and lays down waiting for me to join him. I’m putting my skincare stuff back in my bag and think “it’s okay, i can speak up if I want to and I’m choosing not to eat by not saying anything it is just as much as my fault for not eating tonight.” So anyway I’m fine with the conditions that I won’t eat that night and I’ll go brush my teeth without making it seem like it’s his and only his fault I got an empty belly. I go back into the room after brushing my teeth and choose to be angry or upset at him? I don’t know why I do this. Or why I did this. I knew the conditions but still chose to give him a small attitude for not remembering. It’s so annoying knowing the conditions and still choose the reassurance route. Anyone have any tips for overcoming this ?