- Date posted
- 35w
It’s not bothering me
I was reading Reddit about people finding out there a late bloomer and I relate to all of it and the worse part is it’s not bothering me
I was reading Reddit about people finding out there a late bloomer and I relate to all of it and the worse part is it’s not bothering me
Trust me don't worry. You don't want the anxiety to paralyze you. Behave your way out of it. Then anxiety reduction in many ways is a healing because that means goodbye to those intrusive thoughts too. And plus you are used to it by now. Roll around in grass meet your friends. Having friends helps you be so mindful, which you might miss when you are on your own. be with your family be with those people who pull you to the present really and when you are alone, you should watch movies, and read books or do your thing and allow yourself to be absorbed In it without any fear or anxiety over not being anxious enough. The anxiety is the inertia of your ocd. Once it's lost, ocd, the thoughts will recede. I have tried to be as non- reassuring as possible. Let the doubt stay and leave on it's own. Imagine you are good academic student and you score really high but you don't know if the answer to that one question you wrote is right or wrong. What can you do? You are not getting the sheets back unless the prof sits down to grade them. You will wait and eventually forget about it. After some days it won't matter AT ALL. My ocd filled brain could not have written this yesterday. But today with a dose of reality I am back to being clear touchwood. I hope the same happens for you. Imagine yourself disabling the ocd from your head.
Isn't this a good thing?
@Someone99 I mean yeah but it feels like it’s the real me and I want it/like it
@Beachgirl2024 You mean the attraction to same sex?
@Someone99 Yes
@Beachgirl2024 Themes connected with sexual attraction responses seem to be more complicated but can be dealt with the same way as others. I struggle with this as well. But it's the response that gives the anxiety and keeps us spiralling. "I can't be gay, life will be over if I'm gay..." and so on. It's shaking you at your core so we research... How badly is this affecting your normal day to day life?
@Someone99 24/7 all day everyday and then it goes away for a few weeks and then come back out of nowhere
@Beachgirl2024 Are you currently in a relationship, boyfriend, husband?
@Someone99 No
@Beachgirl2024 What if you are a lesbian? (part of my ERP therapy was to write out worse case scenarios, the "what if")
@Someone99 I don’t have a problem with it I just don’t want it to be me
@Beachgirl2024 So you can say it's against your core values?
@Beachgirl2024 For your life, of course.
@Someone99 Yes but every since I’ve been having these thoughts it feels like it’s changing my values
@Beachgirl2024 The challenge is, to not research, investigate, and especially "test" this. These are compulsions and will make it worse. That very well may be the cycle you're in. This is something we need to apply tools to respond differently at the thought level.
@Beachgirl2024 And most importantly, build positives in to our lives, healthy positives.
@Beachgirl2024 Another thing to consider, are people born gay? That's not a fact, many claim it is, but it's not. A liar isn't a liar unless he tells a lie. So, it's not our thoughts, it's our actions that define us.
I am new to this and exploring the community chat. Is it normal to have anxiety reading the posts? I keep looking for something that I can relate to, but I have hot “zings” going through my chest and down my torso while reading. I have been scrolling for over 30 minutes, which I guess is a sign of my newly diagnosed OCD. I am having a hard time verbalizing any “fears” - any advice to begin this journey?
Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭
i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
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