OCD or Imposter Syndrome

I want to start off by saying. Ive never been properly diagnosed with anything. And I don’t really take online symptoms seriously to avoid self diagnosing myself. But recently I really need to take a lot off things off my mind. I fully believe I’m a narcissist. I over analyze everything about myself from the way I talk to my body language. I’m so convinced i’ve manipulated every situation to my advantage and guilt trip all my loved ones to pity/envy me. I do this because I want people to like me. I make sure my outward appearance is perfect and when I mean perfect but i don’t mean picture perfect in a creep unsettling way I mean comfortable perfect. The perfect that brings subtle comfort and stability. I’m so scared of not keeping up this image for fear people will figure out who i really am. I’m scared that people will hate me and push themselves away from me. I’m scared people will find out im a bad person. I’m scared that I’m gonna lose everyone I care for and im scared of people persevering me. I’m worried that any bad movement or bad posture will give of any sighs that I’m a bad person. I’m worried that I make a lot of “I” statements that people will realize im shallow and conceited. I’m so worried about all of this that even now I’m rereading this whole post to see if i made any errors or if made myself look bad. Regardless I solely made this post to decompress and get this off my chest. I don’t expect anyone to interact. But I would deeply appreciate anything.

Existential OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 50w

I don’t think you’re a people person at all I think you’re a people pleaser I think you’ve been through a lot in your life that maybe you hold yourself to the highest standard so people think you are ‘normal’ and then you can be treated the way you have always wanted to be treated- you want to be liked You talk about yourself because you want people to get to know you and maybe relate to you in a conversation You have a low regard for yourself. Your true self is what is the most valuable thing in the world. You may be comfortable showing the shell of yourself but has this brought you people who would truly be there for you in your darkest moments? It may bring temporary happiness knowing that people might think you have it together but what has that done for YOU behind closed doors? You are so much more worth than what people think of you. It’s your life it’s not theirs- you are the most important. It will never be narcissistic to put yourself first, give yourself grace, and allow yourself to be messy, make mistakes, and feel your own feelings. Your life is so precious please show yourself some compassion even by one little action going forward Sending hope from, Also a people pleaser

Anonymous

Date posted: 50w

@Anonymous I meant to say in the beginning I don’t think you are a narcissist

imjustcuriou...

Date posted: 49w

@Anonymous i deeply appreciate your heartfelt response. I just cant shake that term narcissist out my mind. But i will acknowledge my people pleaser actions its a tough thing to get over ! hope youre doing well fellow people pleaser !!

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