I did a comparison , Tw- specific compulsion

So I was super scared of doing a compulsion for like 5 weeks and today I did it, I did the compulsion to get rid of the thought cause my mind told me that if I will do the compulsion the thought will go away (spoiler it didn’t). The compulsion is to move my private part to the thought (while thinking the thought) to get rid of the thought. My therapist told me it’s a compulsion but it’s makes me feel terrible it was for 1 month every day (the thought to do compulsion and it killed me so I did it). I had many themes before Pocd but it’s feel real I’m terrified I don’t have OCD. Do you think I’m a bad person? Please be honest I can’t live with the idea of being a bad person. And I did the compulsion to get rid of the thought but not to check and what if I don’t have OCD cause I did compulsion to get rid of the thought and not check something. I’m terrified nothing helps not therapy and meds I’m not thinking with logic, do you think I’m a bad person? I hope I’m not. I also think it’s something with self sabotage cause when I have things I don’t want to do my brain stuck on it trying to convince me I’m bad person

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 37w

First of all, take a deep breath. The 4-7-8 breathing technique always helps me. You're panicking right now, and I know it's scary, but I don't want to offer reassurance to you. It can be a compulsion, and it'll only reinforce those negative feelings in the long run. :( OCD thoughts are very "sticky," and that's why you're struggling to shift your focus elsewhere. You've already recognized that these are compulsions you're doing to "get rid of the thought." I know how horrible and real it can feel. POCD is especially exhausting to deal with, but it's not you. It's just thoughts. You've probably heard this many times, but it's true. These don't reflect who you are. Something my psychiatrist said that's helped me a lot is, "Bad people don't worry about being bad people." You're not alone, okay?

vmpstr_

Date posted: 37w

you're not a bad person. the fact that you're trying to get rid of these thoughts already proves that you're not a bad person and ocd is a big jerk who's trying to trick you into believing that you are

Garrett Maguire

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

All good advice above and I would just add..... don't punish yourself for doing a compulsion..... recovery is about failing at times, but, just pick yourself up each time and move forward.

Aphid123

Date posted: 25w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 23w

I feel gross

I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

Hey

How do you deal with so many bad things that OCD makes you think about? Because ever since my therapist said it might not be OCD, even though that she believe it is, I think a lot that if it isn't, So I created such bad thoughts in my head. And my god, what a horrible thing. I never wanted this. My parents don't deserve such a bad daughter.

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I did a comparison , Tw- specific compulsion

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