I did a comparison , Tw- specific compulsion

So I was super scared of doing a compulsion for like 5 weeks and today I did it, I did the compulsion to get rid of the thought cause my mind told me that if I will do the compulsion the thought will go away (spoiler it didn’t). The compulsion is to move my private part to the thought (while thinking the thought) to get rid of the thought. My therapist told me it’s a compulsion but it’s makes me feel terrible it was for 1 month every day (the thought to do compulsion and it killed me so I did it). I had many themes before Pocd but it’s feel real I’m terrified I don’t have OCD. Do you think I’m a bad person? Please be honest I can’t live with the idea of being a bad person. And I did the compulsion to get rid of the thought but not to check and what if I don’t have OCD cause I did compulsion to get rid of the thought and not check something. I’m terrified nothing helps not therapy and meds I’m not thinking with logic, do you think I’m a bad person? I hope I’m not. I also think it’s something with self sabotage cause when I have things I don’t want to do my brain stuck on it trying to convince me I’m bad person

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 40w

First of all, take a deep breath. The 4-7-8 breathing technique always helps me. You're panicking right now, and I know it's scary, but I don't want to offer reassurance to you. It can be a compulsion, and it'll only reinforce those negative feelings in the long run. :( OCD thoughts are very "sticky," and that's why you're struggling to shift your focus elsewhere. You've already recognized that these are compulsions you're doing to "get rid of the thought." I know how horrible and real it can feel. POCD is especially exhausting to deal with, but it's not you. It's just thoughts. You've probably heard this many times, but it's true. These don't reflect who you are. Something my psychiatrist said that's helped me a lot is, "Bad people don't worry about being bad people." You're not alone, okay?

vmpstr_

Date posted: 40w

you're not a bad person. the fact that you're trying to get rid of these thoughts already proves that you're not a bad person and ocd is a big jerk who's trying to trick you into believing that you are

Garrett Maguire

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w

All good advice above and I would just add..... don't punish yourself for doing a compulsion..... recovery is about failing at times, but, just pick yourself up each time and move forward.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 21w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

GreenTurtle098

Date posted: 20w

18+ TW

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

lissamls

Date posted: 20w

help

i did something terrible trying to prove to myself that I can get """arousal""" even without being attracted because i was very nervous about pocd, I thought about several people that i'm not attracted to and then i did it thinking about a loved one and now I can't stop crying, It was very disgusting, I didn't even want to do it because I didn't feel good, but it's because I wanted to prove to myself that, I don't know. I just wanted to relieve the anxiety but it only got worse because I felt horrible doing it. I never want to do it again. im not attracted to this person, nor do I feel anything like that for them, but I feel terrible now, I've never been so scared. i want to apologize to them too. is this compulsion????? what was i doing? why did i do this, i feel horrible but i i want to test myself again, i don't know why (im using a translator, there may be something wrong, please help me)

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I did a comparison , Tw- specific compulsion

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