tips to stop ruminating

my boyfriend brought up an issue with something i did yesterday and it’s sent me into a spiral. he said that often times when he is expressing a problem of his or something he’s going through that i then take that and make it about me by talking about my own problems relating to the same/similar circumstances. looking back i think i have done this but i never had any malice or bad intention behind it. after he said that i kept worrying that im a bad person and that “why would he want to date me since im such a horrible person?” he’s also brought up before that is seems like the relationship is more catered to me and what i want to do rather than equally between him and i. i’m working on that but im just scared he’s going to meet someone and they are going to treat him better than me and he’s going to decide he deserves better and leave me. he’s never given any indication that this would be the case but i can’t help villainize myself and worry that he’s going to find someone better. how do i stop ruminating on this?

Relationship OCD

OCDWarr1or

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

Your dealing with normal relationship stuff. Because of OCD you are probably taking his comment too far. Relationships are hard, and there are going to be times were faced with challenging things from our partners. I've been there many times. Try your best to take it as a moment to learn, grow together, and improve. I know it's hard not to obsess, but try to lean into the uncertainty of anything happening. We thinking obsessing will help keep our relationship together and it's probably actually the opposite. Our obsessing drives our partner away and stops us from moving forward in growth and closeness. Just know you're not alone. MANY of us have felt this way.

Anonymous

Date posted: 33w

@Anonymous thank you! and your right. he’s even mentioned to me that whenever there is even a slight unknown i tend to freak out and get anxious, which is what i’m doing in this situation. i think my ocd tells that everything in my relationship has to be 100% perfect or else we need to break up and that i need to be 100% perfect or else he wont love me anymore. this is also my first relationship so i think im also adapting to what that entails and how to be a good girlfriend

OCDWarr1or

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

@Anonymous - I get all of that! Maybe it would help to accept that it's not going to be 100% perfect. I'm a parent, and I have OCD about being a good parent. I want nothing more than to be good to my children, but I remember hearing a quote from a psychologist or researcher or something, saying that our goal is to do really good 80% of the time. We can be successful parents and score a B-. Lol. Does being a B- parent mean my kids are going to have no issues? No. Even if I was an A+ parent they wouldn't be perfect. I don't have that much control.

Anonymous

Date posted: 33w

@Anonymous thank you! that quote really helps put things into perspective.

Thumbsoup

Date posted: 33w

I do the same thing! It gets easier the longer my partner and I work at things together and when I work on my self image and black and white thinking

Anonimato972

Date posted: 33w

Same here. Makes me feel horrible about myself . I don’t want him to leave.

Mazy420

Date posted: 24w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

cam123

Date posted: 22w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

mayamieux

Date posted: 22w

ruminating about a guy

the most debilitating ocd flare-up i’ve been having for the past few months has been about the guy i used to talk to. we weren’t dating per-se, but whatever was going on between us was very confusing and unclear, and it ended up with me being very hurt. he was basically leading me on, and couldn’t commit to me. it’s been months since we’ve stopped talking and i still can’t stop thinking about him. i don’t even care about him that much in an objective sense, but i am genuinely obsessed with him. everything i see reminds me of him, and my mind is constantly running through thoughts about him and our situation — why did it go the way it did, what did i do wrong, does he still think about me, etc. it’s honestly so humiliating and makes me feel pathetic because i know he’s probably moved on by now, and i still can’t handle the thought or sight of him. i just wish i could stop ruminating, because it’s gotten so bad that i can’t focus on school or anything else in life. it’s so constant to the point where, when i bring it up to my friends (which is very often), i’m met with concern and even frustration rather than sympathy. how can i cope with the rumination? it’s genuinely exhausting, and i can’t sleep at night because my brain is just running like a motor. i have dreams about it almost nightly as well. anything helps!

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tips to stop ruminating

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