Why does it feel like that

Now the OCD is making it feel like I hate my natural attraction and want nothing to do with my natural attraction, also it’s trying to make me feel like if I don’t act on the urges, I’m gonna be unhappy I just wanna go back to how I was two months ago. I’m trying to continue with my life do the stuff I love doing well, hoping and praying that my natural attraction will eventually return with little to no trauma behind it, but the OCD is trying so hard, to trick me into believing that I’ve accepted the OCD’s reality while I’m trying to live my life, tell me I’m not alone. Tell me that the night is darkest just before the dawn that it has to get as bad as it can get before it gets better, because if I can’t return to how I was a couple months ago I will take a vow of celibacy, I refuse to compromise my beliefs and values, and do something that I never identified as all because a little voice in my head is pushing in my skull to do so, even seen this now it’s trying to convince me that’s wrong to stay true to my beliefs and values

Sexual Orientation OCD

ejpwolfpack

Date posted: 32w

I understand you man. I want to tell you now though, and this is so hard to accept with ocd recovery. If you keep pushing and threatening yourself with things like celibacy, it will just keep reinforcing in your brain that it’s a problem. I feel like SOOCD has tried taking my beliefs and values too. I have religious scripture tattooed on my body and my ocd will constantly make me feel like I’m going against what I always grew up believing. Stay strong bro.

JustinR23Hig...

Date posted: 32w

@ejpwolfpack Believe me brother I’m trying, and yes, it is hard, especially when it’s convinced you that your not attracted to what you’ve been attracted to for over 20 years because I had one critical thought of a body part of that specific sex, but I said Acceptance of God‘s Grace prayer today and for the most part, it’s kept my mind at ease, despite this little demon in my head hammering these thoughts and urges into my skull

ejpwolfpack

Date posted: 32w

@JustinR23Higgins Urges are the worst. I’ve come a long way with SOOCD, but my worst symptom rn is false attraction. I literally will feel like I’m actually attracted or it feels like a desire. It gets so difficult in those moments to trust the fact that I grew up loving women.

JustinR23Hig...

Date posted: 32w

@ejpwolfpack One thing that really is frustrating me right now is when I start thinking negative thoughts about women’s private parts, which causes the doubt of wanting to return to my natural attraction, even though I’ve gotten off to that like a million times over the years, especially when watching lesbian porn where they were either eating each other out and/or scissoring, sorry probably a little TMI, I was just making a point, why would I think negative thoughts about women’s private parts and why is it feel like I want to have those negative thoughts, that’s partially rhetorical

ejpwolfpack

Date posted: 32w

@JustinR23Higgins Believe me I understand you, I would use things like porn I used to watch as a way to prove that I knew I liked women. Sadly ocd will just twist your definitive proof. I’ve also delt with what you described. Beyond confusing.

Luke_McElwee

Date posted: 25w

Losing my shit, freaking out

Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

SOCD false attraction

hey guys, i’m almost fully healed in my socd journey but what’s stopping me is the false atractions. i get them almost 24/7 at this point and to every thing. they feel real and i hate them they make me feel disgusted. they also make me feel like hot and gross but then i see people saying thats what attractions feel like, but i have felt so much attraction to the opposite gender pre all of this and it felt nice and enjoyable not digustinf. i’m also getting false memory trying to show me ‘signal’ from my childhood to prove i’m gay amd i truly don’t know if they’re real. it’s so degrading and at this point i feel like govining up. pelesse if you have any advice or even if your going through the same thing just let me know. ocd is so terrible

geodrimilis

Date posted: 19w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Why does it feel like that

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