i feel so overwhelmed. i’m moving back home bc i just graduated college and my boyfriend and i will be about 10 hours apart. i’m freaking out because im worried if our relationship will last. i’m worried about what will happen. i’m visiting him this weekend and he’s gonna make plans to visit me, but i just feel heavy and like idk what’s gonna happen. i don’t wanna end it bc of fear, it’s just hard.
Only you can decide to end it because of this, if he's making plans to visit it sounds like he very much wants to make it work. I can't really offer reassurance because it reinforces OCD, but I will say I feel that same ROCD dread some mornings just waking up next to my partner. If we live together and I can still manage to feel the affects of this, I think your OCD is more of a threat to your security in the relationship than the distance is. In time, if things get to where you're scared they'll get to, you probably will have been fed up long enough for this fear to fade into irritation. You'll feel vindicated in your decision to end things. When in doubt, it's OCD.
@FloralEnvoy he does want to make it work. i just get so hard on myself and so overwhelmed. i want it to work! i just wanna be able to enjoy it, yk?
@toni2137 I'm sure you will! The doubt this disorder puts us through is probably the biggest factor in how devastating it can be. I've been with my partner for nearly 4 years now, you know how many days I wake up and feel like everything is wrong and I need to escape? Often I can pull myself out of it, and by the time we reconvene in the evenings I'm looking forward to hearing about her day or watching our show together. Sometimes I still feel anxious and dreadful, and I communicate it and we go from there. Make sure you're compassionate with yourself, if you feel anxious that will directly affect your ability to connect with your partner. Why beat yourself up when you're already going through it? I'm sure by the time you both are in your 30s you'll be married, and if not I can promise you whatever your OCD is fixating on will NOT be the reason. The less anxiously we respond to our intrusive thoughts the easier it is to see them fade.
@FloralEnvoy i didn’t know this was so common. it makes me feel less alone oh my goodness. i just scared that we’ll drift apart if we’re in 2 different places living 2 different lives and that it won’t work out. i have like an all or nothing mentality, so if it’s not working now, i think it never will. i just get sooooo overwhelmed and worked up. i let fear take everything from me
@FloralEnvoy also, i start to think “is there better?” “what if there’s a better person for me back home? with more money, self motivation, establishment etc?” i don’t want to think those thoughts bc my boyfriend is great and he’s growing! it’s like the enemy is comparing him to me and comparing to every other man. it makes me not wanna get out of the house and just feel anxious.
@toni2137 Sometimes "grass is greener" mentality kicks in, and that comparison bug is a hard one to kill. It's so hard killing the "what if I was happier" thought because it FEELS so true, but at the end of the day the day has gotta end. We can't always chase potential happiness when it means abandoning happiness in its current form. Otherwise what we're doing is running from comfort, not finding what's right. I can tell you rn as my partner is also graduating so I'm sure we are all similar in age, we have years upon years to figure everything out still. As long as I personally am making progress somewhere, I don't need my relationship to be perfect, and honestly I think chasing a perfect relationship would lead to me being pretty lonely anyway. I hope since you say he's growing, that you guys are growing together. Invest in your communication! Make your time together special even if it's over the phone. An idea I like to make distance more tolerable is to pretend you're back to the dating stage. Every time you see each other now can be an opportunity to do fun things you guys would probably get too comfortable to go out of your way for had you lived together rn! And the idea of moving in together to solve that distance? I can't think of a better goal to draw a couple together. I know I shouldn't offer reassurance but I've done it anyway so I'll do it again, I really do think you two will be fine.
I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.
Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! I’m so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. I’ve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I don’t actually love him and that we’re not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really don’t think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think that’s as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time I’m also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support 🫶🏼
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