- Date posted
- 34w
Is this a common obsession?
I’ve dealt with SOOCD for a while, but does anyone else who is straight, have their obsessions go from being gay to being bisexual or bi-curious? How do you deal with this?
I’ve dealt with SOOCD for a while, but does anyone else who is straight, have their obsessions go from being gay to being bisexual or bi-curious? How do you deal with this?
try to figure out what your core fear is and sit with it. Didnt really work for me because in the end I felt like it was because of society which brought me back to denial etc etc but apparently it works for some people.
@Anonymousesti Appreciate the idea, and the same thing happened to myself. Again, never had any sexual attraction to the other sex, and I definitely understand the society aspect of the worry. My Psych who’s been specializing in OCD for the longest time and I just don’t know what is the reason I have this theme.
@SilentlyBattling - when did yours start? and how long have you been suffering?
@Anonymousesti About 19 years ago. I went about 9 years not dealing with it at all, with my OCD bouncing between themes but when this came up I easily just dismissed it as “Ah, that’s just HOCD” because I had been sexual with women and enjoyed those relationships (never wanted anything to do with men sexually). Then things came to a head about 6-7 years ago with not dealing with anxiety and stress in a healthy manner, Harm OCD came up, then I did an out patient program and the HOCD reared back up, and been working with a psychologist who specializes in OCD since. Again, it’s ebbs and flows. I think right now it’s a medication issue as well.
Dealing with this right now! Trying to treat it the exact same way as the fear of being lesbian and accepting the uncertainty. (As a straight woman)
I don’t have the same experience, but I am bisexual and experienced SOOCD where I obsess about what if I’m actually straight (despite my nearly 2 decades of evidence to the contrary). So this is me saying even though it’s not the same experience, OCD particularly SOOCD can come in many flavors and you’re not alone in the confusion and frustration.
@Megan Ruth Oh I also wanna empathize by adding that I imagine it must be especially hard for your experience because we live in a world now where socially people are really encouraged to “explore their sexuality”, I think. Sorry you’re dealing with this 🩶
I’ll also say it’s a lot more difficult for me since it’s more “realistic” I guess?
@LV4523 I appreciate the insight. I don’t have any same sex attraction. I know when a man (I’m male) is attractive, but I don’t feel or want to have sex with them. My psychologist has explained to me that this is just the same game as being gay, now my OCD is just morphing to bisexual.
@SilentlyBattling I’m in the same boat but I’m a woman! And yes it’s the same thing essentially, fearing to be something we are not. OCD will continue to morph to keep us in the loop and stuck!!
@LV4523 Well, at least that’s two of us.
@SilentlyBattling Does yours feel extremely real on bad days too? Sometimes it feels like I just “need to try it” or wont know until I try it. It’s awful.
@LV4523 On bad days, yes it feels real. That said I’ve been battling HOCD for the last 6 years. It comes and goes. I’ve had weeks/months with little issues and the thoughts are nothing more than just a fleeting thought that I let pass. More or less, it’s very episodic. I’ve never actually wanted to try a gay relationship. It has never sounded arousing or exciting to me (besides when I get intrusive thoughts when deep in anxiety).
@SilentlyBattling And when in those anxious/panicky moments, it still doesn’t sound arousing or exciting, it just bounces around my head.
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
Is anyone here actually gay and has/had sexuality or religious ocd? I don't have it at all haha I'm a lesbian myself without socd or religious ocd but I'm just curious: what's it like and how did you deal with the whole "biggest fear coming true" thing?
I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲
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