I don’t want it…

Rest assured this is So-ocd and not internalised homophobia. This is a very a very common thought for those of us who suffer with so-ocd. Just like any theme of ocd, this is attacking a core belief, which in this case (I am assuming from your post) is that you wouldn’t be or would never want to be homophobic to anyone (which would include yourself). That what ocd does. Remember if it starts with ‘what if’ it’s an intrusive thought put there by OCD