Overthinking

So last night my boyfriend and I were nearing the end of our 10 hour drive. And he loves honking the car horn for no reason. Usually he does it a couple time I tell him to please stop and he does. Last night he honked the horn a couple time and I asked him to stop multiple times and he didn’t and I was reading him reason on Google why you shouldn’t honk the horn on the highway for no reason and then he honked again and I meant to just raise my voice a little bit to say his name but I ended up yelling on accident and I feel terrible I litterally started bawling and apologizing because I actually feel so terrible. And now I feel like I did it because deep down I must hate him. But he even told me he knows I didn’t mean to and he’s also said he knows he provoked and I he knew I was pushing my buttons but he didn’t mean to go that far. But I just feel like a terrible person because he didn’t deserve to be yelled at for honking. But I really didn’t mean to yell it just kinda happen. Idk what to do.

Relationship OCD

Vincent L

Date posted: 31w

Overstimulation and the exhaustion from these things can bring out very overwhelming responses. OCD can make s person feel extraordinarily atypical, and responding from frustration can make you feel really really low. I did this to the point of ruining the best relationship I had. Telling him how it makes you feel should and must be enough. Love is something we work for sometimes seemingly to endless lengths, but there has to be some kind of mutual compassion & understanding. Tell him everything it makes you feel. Every word, startled, annoyed, whatever words come to mind when you experience this, tell him. But do so after asking why he feels compelled to do it. Sometimes the things that set us off come across as trivial or unreasonable to others, which is why mutual understanding is so important! You shouldn't be spiraling for trying to make yourself heard, you should be mindful whenever you can of what being unheard can illicit in you. Understand his reasoning, and then explain to him the very real consequences of his choices, and have faith that his love for you will help alleviate this! Hell, maybe you can suggest that if he feels the urge to honk, he asks you and you give it a honk or two and then it's done! He gets his satisfaction, you demonstrate s willingness to let him have his laugh without you having to sit through something that's going to alarm you! You did a great job explaining yourself here. I have confidence that you can do just as good a job if not better with him!

Vincent L

Date posted: 31w

NOCD should absolutely have an edit option on posts omg

Secretidentity

Date posted: 31w

@Vincent L He knows why it bothers me but he knows that if he does it when the highway is pretty empty I don’t really care and I’ll just say his name is a jokingly way and we laugh about it. It’s always been a joking type thing that he does to slightly get under my skin because I mean really we both do it to each other I poke him just to annoy him sometimes. But he went further with it then he meant to and I’m really not mad about it so idk why I yelled like I genuinely did not mean to and I’m terrified that since I did it once I’ll do it again. I don’t want to ruin this relationship he’s the best person I’ve ever met. I love him so much. I know he wasn’t doing it to piss me off because again we just like messing with each other.

Secretidentity

Date posted: 31w

@Vincent L It so should!

Secretidentity

Date posted: 31w

@Vincent L I do understand why he does it. And he understands why I don’t like when he does it. That’s why we have the agreement he can do it but when I tell him that’s enough that’s what it is. I’ve always told him I don’t want to be the reason he can’t have fun or can’t do something that’s why we have compromises on certain things like that. So there’s definitely no lack of understanding. I think we were both just tired and ready to be home. And he took his joking a little too far. I definitely went too far by yelling at him for it. I just can’t stop feeling terrible about it. But after I apologized and we talked about it and stuff we went back to our normal conversations. And everything is fine. He’s not mad about it. But I still just feel so bad.

Vincent L

Date posted: 31w

@Secretidentity You have very real and very valid reasons for what you did, but while it wasn't the nice thing to do, you are self aware enough to know this and it's just as clear that you care! Just tell him that you're feeling this way, and trust that he understands. Yelling makes anyone with an ounce of remorse feel bad, and it's okay to feel like you didn't make the best choice but it absolutely wasn't the worst, either! You made the right decision, and you can take comfort in the peace around you!

Persnickety ...

Date posted: 31w

The honking is actually kind of like yelling to our nervous systems, and he didn’t respect your boundary of stopping when you asked multiple times, so it sounds like you went into a fight or flight response. This is not the time our best behavior comes out and it’s totally understandable. I’m sorry to hear you are in a negative thought loop around it. If there is any way you can forgive yourself, it sounds like you could use some grace.

Secretidentity

Date posted: 31w

@Persnickety Plume I just can’t see how yelling at him for it could have been acceptable at all.

FoxMan

Date posted: 24w

I think I might have impulse control problems

Just now, I was driving and I made it to a four-way stop and I made it to the stop and I thought it was my turn to go. I started to turn and this other car from my right started driving too and so I just kind of made a confused face because I was confused. He on the other hand, made a confuse face back at me like I was stupid and kept driving. After that without much thinking, I just turned to follow him and while I was driving behind him, I felt bad because I did not want him to think that I was actually after him. And then I kept on driving so he wouldn’t think I was trying to follow him, but it was in that moment where I just didn’t think and turned behind him. I was a little upset, but only because he made a face like I was dumb. Now I’m having thoughts of just thinking that I’m a stalker and I’m gonna follow him and hurt him when I know I was just a little upset, but didn’t wanna do anything. I promise you I legit just turned after him without much thinking and while following him felt the intrusive thoughts and stuff. Was made to fight even worse is that while waiting for food I had ordered over an app, I couldn’t fight the thought of just going back to where he turned off the street after I kept going to stop “following” him, so I went back down there on the spur of moment and making me feel bad again. I don’t wanna hurt anybody and I don’t want to stalk anybody. It was literally just an impulsive thing but now I feel scared about myself.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

I messed up :(

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 19w

Help

I'm currently crying rn as I write this post. I feel horrible and scared. I recently had an argument with my dad. I hate being angry because my intrusive thoughts get so much worse. We were arguing in a heated way and he came up to my face and I noticed my own reaction which was that my fists clenched up (I become very hyper aware of myself) Anyway I realized they were clenched and that they twitched in anger. I remember telling myself "please no please this doesn't mean I'll act out. Please no don't think. I really do not want to hurt anyone. Please I'm not losing control. Please dont act out." And I started to cry I stopped arguing but began to cry in anger and fear. I'm scared this means I was going to act out. I didn't want to talk to him anymore I just shut down and he asked me what's wrong with me and I just responded with "you're making me very angry. I need some space now okay?" And he said he wasn't very angry with me and I shouldn't be angry with him and he left me alone but I feel so guilty. Did I want to hurt him? This is causing me way too much distress.

Harm OCD

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