Why do I feel texting means everything

I have a pretty anxious attachment style and I’ve recently started getting back out there talking to people, several guys have ghosted me after I thought it was going well but one guy is hanging on, the thing is I always feel like texting means more than it does so when I don’t get a reply I freak out! Everyone on TikTok always says if they’re leaving you on delivered for a long time it means they’re not interested, but I know that the guy I’m speaking to has surgery today and last night we were talking for ages (and really intimate/cute stuff) so I’m trying to stay calm and just say look he’s obviously really busy today leave him alone he’ll message when he can, but it’s hard because the other part of my brain keeps going “yeah well why doesn’t he message to say so, why doesn’t he wanna make sure you know” but I always do know! I’ve now formed meaning to this and freaked out. People don’t have to talk everyday for it to be something right? Idk I’m freaked out

Relationship OCD

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

Are you speaking to a therapist to help you through this? Attachment styles are very difficult to deal with on our own. From an OCD side of things, what you want to do is learn to sit with the uncertainty, and all of the uncomfortable feelings that arise, despite what the thoughts say. ERP exercises are very good practice for this, and a good therapist can help guide you through it. On a practical relationship side of things, remember that the ability to reach out to someone via phone 24/7 is a very modern thing. For most of human history the only way to actually communicate with someone was in person, or through a very slow message delivery network. The exact number of times you communicate matters much less than the quality of the communication itself. Additionally, text communication is the lowest form of communication possible in terms of connection. There is way too much room for misinterpretation when you can't hear the person's voice, read their body language, or feel their presence. It's difficult to get a good read on whether or not two people are compatible until you start seeing each other in person. When you do, put more weight on those interactions rather than text-based ones. Everyone communicates via texts differently. I know how hard this can be. Good luck!

stuckonathought

Date posted: 32w

@djflorio Thank you, this was amazing pieces of advice and I am trying so hard to take all of it and start to use it/learn. I put a lot of time thinking about how important certain things are or what they mean when it comes to relationships, like it’s not actually that bad that I messaged first to ask how the surgery went, so I need to grow out of that. We haven’t even met in perosn yet like you said so I’m trying to remain calm and focused on that. Thank you!

HelpMe25!

Date posted: 32w

NEVER follow tik tok advice. TikToks are made simply to get views and money, if they make a post like that they know they will get attention from it - they’re feeding off anxious individuals and it’s not true. Every relationship between 2 people is different, it cannot be generalised

stuckonathought

Date posted: 32w

@HelpMe25! It’s so hard not to because when one person says it I’m convinced it’s the truth and that’s how life is and then I can’t stop hearing it. That’s what I’m trying to remember that it’s different for everyone, not one person has the same relationship but when people put their ‘advice’ all over social media makes me think I have to be the way they’re exhaling, if that makes sense. Like I said we haven’t met in person so I’m overthinking everything. I did end up messaging to ask how the surgery went so it shows I care and I remember things, but also realised he’s still active on tinder so until we meet we’re both still single and I’ve gotta just realise it’s all in my head

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

I think he hates me

So I was talking to this one polyamorous guy but we had been friends before we started talking romantically. Anyway one day he has a mental breakdown and he says he can't do polyamory rn (for reasons I won't get into but I think they're valid) and I was like that's fine. But now it just feels like we can't talk to each other. I am either terrified that I won't be able to talk to him cause I will be too upset or I am terrified he won't talk to me because he hates me. We used to talk nonstop everyday but now we haven't talked for three days. And I don't know if it's me or him, or maybe I am just losing it. But all I want to do is talk to him. I am always checking his socials just trying to see if he's online and wondering if he will or why won't he text me. Anytime we do talk, it's always like a two sentence exchange. Maybe it's him, maybe he needs space, but everytime I see him (we go to college together) he seems to be happier, everytime he posts on twitter he seems happier, I don't know. I just want him to like me. I want to talk to him. I am scared I have to stop talking to him completely, because in the past I have never gotten over someone unless someone else comes in and takes their place so it isn't like we can take a break and then I come back and everything's good. It would likely take a long time, and it's only been like 4 months since we started talking 😭 (I am so cooked). I don't know why I am like this. I wish I could be normal about him/other people. I don't know if I am just in an OCD spiral or not, but I just want it to be over. Sorry for the rambling, but if anyone has any advice I will consider it.

abreeclarey

Date posted: 17w

Avoidance attachment fear

I’ve been seeing tons and tons of videos about avoidant attachments on TikTok a lot! And lieterally all day I was overthinking and crying. I’m not sure if I have avoidance attachment I never got deeper into the meaning of it until yesterday and I’ve seen so many comments about it. I’m starting to think what if I’m one? Is I am how do I change? I fear relationships, I am very independent and will only ask for help if needed. This God at my job likes me and I like the way he acts and he wants a relationship which I’ve already made a few post about him. When we went to church the second time I held his hands and hugged him but I still doubted his looks . He’s not ugly but I don’t think he’s my type so I apologized for holding his hands because I don’t want to lead him on. I have prayed multiple prayers if he’s the one for me. After seeing those avoidant attachment videos I’m afraid I act this way toward the guy that likes me. Then when I ask myself “well do you like him” I get filled with anxiety. I’m not rushing in a relationship but I want to love someone not just someone loving me. Please tell me someone understands.?

Doopydoowa

Date posted: 11w

Please help-relationship advice

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.

Relationship OCD

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Why do I feel texting means everything

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