My last post - just need a little advice

This is going to be my last post because I’m going to take ERP and recovery seriously. Being on this app and googling is a big compulsion of mine. But before, I’m giving into my compulsions one more time because I need to know that I am not the only one. The past two days have been a tad better. My anxiety doesn’t feel like it’s consuming me and I can actually go to work and get things done. However, it feels like I am actually gay. Feels like I am actually in the closet. I don’t have my attraction to men anymore. I’m getting images of women and thinking to be happy, I need to be with a woman but I seriously do not want to. There is nothing in my past to prove that I do, however, my brain is making it seem like I always knew I was gay and didn’t want to admit, although there is no proof to prove it, yet I believe it. It feels normal and I’m not like freaking out anymore and it’s scaring me. Am I the only one? Am I actually gonna be the one that turns out to be gay after all? It doesn’t sound good anymore to say this is OCD. I’m confused and sad. Please, if anyone relates, that would help. If not, I guess that would help too but ugh. Thank you in advance.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Miss.OCD

Date posted: 47w

You’re not alone. This was me when I was at my lowest with OVD in 2021. I literally convinced myself I was gay. I’ve been in a long term relationship for 10 years and it just hit me in lockdown. I had to fight so so so hard to save my relationship even though I had nothing but a sense of sick feeling 24 hrs a day for around 5/6 months. It was relentless. I was thinking about women, dreaming about women, it was during me insane. I remember sitting in the bath thinking ‘I’d rather kill myself now then leave my boyfriend and come out as gay’ it was so so heartbreaking thinking back to it now. 3 years later and the recovery has been amazing. I still have tough days. But the rough days are now because I’m not longer anxious with my thoughts. It’s like I just have them. Here for a chat if you ever need it

Ally1599

Date posted: 47w

@Miss.OCD Thank you so much. I’m really really stuck. I really appreciate you. It’s like I’m not even distressed anymore. It hurts

Miss.OCD

Date posted: 47w

@Ally1599 I don’t get distressed any more either. But three years down the line I’m in our first home with my partner and we’ve just had our first baby. Now I’m experiencing themes of ROCD.

Ally1599

Date posted: 47w

@Miss.OCD I think I have ROCD with the SOOCD right now. Congratulations on the baby and new home !! Gives me hope. I am getting married in a few months so I am scared right now that I’ll live like this forever. Is is normal that I’m not getting by distressed anymore and still feeling so so low?

dianasjourney

Date posted: 47w

I guess it’s part of the process? Getting comfortable with anxiety just gives you another kind of anxiety because then if you don’t fight yourself the automatic spike goes along the lines of “then it’s true and it’s not OCD”. You just somehow end up being even more confused and scared but in a different way.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 47w

Yes I thinks it’s your OCD tricking you I never experienced that but sometimes it tells me thoughts that are not me it’s hard to explain but you are in the right place you got this

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