Anything I do triggers me

I stumbled across some adult women’s gym shorts on Amazon and saw really attractive women on there that I liked seeing. Everything was fine til I saw this product that looked like white adult women’s shorts and I was trying to decipher wether or not it was men’s product or women’s (I’m into Women). I tap it and of course (with my bad luck), I saw the word “boys”. I legitimately felt sick to my stomach and closed as fast as I could. I was under the impression that it was adult clothing, given that I was seeing adult clothing all over my page on Amazon and I’d get recommended similar stuff. I had just come out of a therapy session and I didn’t mention the word kids out loud in my session when talking about my POCD with my therapist. I know phones do that thing where they listen to keywords and then you start seeing what you were talking about online or in advertisements. I went back to see if it was gone but then it was still there under the word “girls” and I thought I had seen wrong before so I checked again and NOPE, still had to do with children article of clothing. I tried to get reassurance but it only made things worse. When I think the word girls I think of adults but I wasn’t think when describing clothing you have to mention the word Women’s in order for the system to understand you. This whole situation just made me sick and made my POCD worse. What my therapist tells me is that if I really was a p*do, then I wouldn’t have clicked out of there or have been sick to my stomach or thinking about it at all. I just can’t help it and right now I just feel lots of anxiety. I have a girlfriend and she knows my OCD and I just feel a bit awful. I know deep down I was under the impression I wanted adult women’s clothing and I didn’t search up anything insinuating minors, let alone children. I think these compulsions make things so much worse because I’ll eventually see something that triggers me

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 37w

Are you working with an OCD specialized therapist? I could be wrong here but I really think telling you to focus on the discomfort and that's how you "know" you're not is the wrong approach. That would mean, to me, if ERP does what it's supposed to and gives you your life back and you don't have to do a compulsion (like closing the app or tab instantaneously) to "get rid" of the bad thought, that would be "confirming" you are one I guess? I'm sorry to tell you that you don't have control over your thoughts. You don't choose them. People without OCD who are not p*dophiles also have these thoughts, the difference is that they don't dwell on them. They don't assign meaning or emotion to the thought. They don't make character judgements based on the thought. They acknowledge it and it passes them by.

Pain Packer

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous Hi, yes I’m working with an OCD specialized therapist. I didn’t word it right in the post. She always tells me to just sit with the discomfort and don’t figure out what whatever happened could mean. So this situation she would tell me to not revisit the situation in my head and try and figure out exactly what my intentions were. I know deep down I’m not a pedo but it’s so hard to not convince my brain every time I have a flare up. Sitting with discomfort sucks lol

EndOCD!

Date posted: 22w

I feel so guilty

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

Idontknow

Date posted: 14w

18+ help me

I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth

jazzyj4799

Date posted: 13w

I’m Scared my undiagnosed POCD isn’t OCD

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.

POCD

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Anything I do triggers me

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