- Date posted
- 34w
If anyone reads this I will be so grateful
I don’t even know where to start with this but i’m in such a deep pit with my relationship with my partner (they/them pronouns just so no one gets confused) and I have never been more confused in my life on where to move forward. We have been dating for a year and a half and it feels like they were literally made for me. Our love has never faded and I love them so deeply and they treat me so incredibly well, but something has been bothering me for a year now and it’s been weighing on me. When we kiss, I don’t really feel that “amazing.” It’s just kinda checking a box. I also have no sexual attraction to them, but I never have because going into the relationship I thought I was asexual. I still feel that if I were to find someone else, I probably would be too afraid of sex to do anything, but now i’m more curious of how many other paths are out there waiting for me if I were to not be with my partner. I can’t shake the thought that I am only 19 and in my college years and I should be having fun experimenting like my friends, or that I should be with someone I am sexually attracted to, but i’m with my partner instead. I am so in love with them still and every night I go to bed thinking about not having them anymore it breaks my heart. I’ve already shared with them all of these feelings and the worst part is they are being so sweet telling me not to hate myself for these feelings (which I definitely do) and to take my time figuring it out and they will be there if I need them. I can’t bear to make them or myself wait any longer I just want to run into their arms. What the hell do I do?