URGENT! Should I find a different job?

Hello! I am really looking for some advice. I have been struggling with OCD for a few years now and it drastically affects my daily life. I am going to give a quick run through of my OCD, and then the current situation I am in now. So for almost 2 years now my most prominent themes of OCD have been getting sick with the stomach bug (emetaphobia) and watching someone die/ having to see large amount of blood or do CPR on someone (I just graduated nursing school). Last year I stopped eating out, wouldn’t touch any of my food with my hands, would wash my hands until they bleed every day, bleached everything I touched when I was in public etc… I would have these major panic attacks all the time and the thought of getting sick hasn’t left my head 24/7 for 2 years. I was unable to complete my nursing school clinicals due to panic attacks each time I was at the hospital afraid someone would die and get these terrible images in my head. I didn’t sleep ever, barely graduated. I did ERP after school and was able to make up the clinical days I missed. Got to a point where I was eating again, felt like I was able to get my hands clean just by washing them. I have been doing exposures every day, and have accepted that getting sick will probably happen at one point and I am okay with it as long as I am at home when it happens. So locking myself in my apartment for 48hr every time after I could have been exposed to the stomach bug is major progress for me and I have been overall doing much better. Fast forward to now: It’s time for me to start my new job on a med/surg floor in a hospital. This week I have made it through a few days of orientation with panic attacks day and night but I am doing it even though I am petrified. I don’t feel ready for this big of a step, being exposed to both of my biggest fears constantly. Today at orientation the girl sitting next to me told me she had been vomiting all day, and continued to run out of the room a vomit the rest of the day. I now am 90% sure I am going to get sick and feel as if I would rather die than continue this amount of stress and anxiety I have felt from just a few days of being on the job. This is my BIGGEST fear and it’s coming true and I don’t know if it’s worth putting myself through this every day at work to just be having constant panic attacks and be miserable. I know with OCD you have to face your fears but I have been pushing myself and trying so hard and I don’t feel like it’s worth it to work this job. I would also feel incredibly guilty for quitting on the first week, but there are a million other nursing jobs that are not in a hospital. I think this is too big of a step for me right now but I wanted to see what others think. Any advice at all is so appreciated!

Health Concern OCD

Username: Lsel2006Lsel2006

Date posted: 21d ago

What are you passionate about? In other words, in a hypothetical world where you had no fear, no anxiety, no ocd, what path/job would you choose? If you answer a job that means you have to go through this extremely tough path, maybe stick it out and do your best. Nothing comes easily, and if its your ocd that is driving you away from something you genuinely want… that is so hard but you can do it. Humans were built to adapt over time. But anyway, i am deeply sorry you are going through this. I empathize with the mixed feelings… wanting to do things but feeling held back by yourself… and people say “face your fears” but it is so much more of a complicated internal battle with ocd. Wishing you the best 🙏

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 21d ago

@Lsel2006 I really appreciate this point of view! I don’t think I have thought about this. I never thought I wanted to work a job in a hospital right away but that is what everyone says to do. I wouldn’t have picked this job had I not had outside pressure, but I do hate the thought of feeling like a failure

Username: Lsel2006Lsel2006

Date posted: 21d ago

@Anonymous That makes sense, especially since you have spent so much time and effort trying to get to this goal. But def something to think about because the sooner you do whats right for you the better off you’ll be in the long term. I’m trying to learn that myself

Username: Kbowen Kbowen

Date posted: 21d ago

I had a similar experience and I switched from nursing to medical imaging. I had given up on being a doctor already. I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome on top of OCD and PTSD. Not a good combo to go into nursing and it takes a huge toll on my body. There's a lot you can do with a degree in nursing and you can stay within nursing specialties but maybe switch from med/surg to telemetry or something calmer and where it's less likely to get sick or stress more than expected. It's hard but I think it's a good option.

Username: CantfixitCantfixit

Date posted: 21d ago

All those times you were in fear and nothing happened.

Username: AnonUser

Date posted: 23w ago

Tired of living in fear and questioning everything

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

Username: JesusSaves424

Date posted: 21w ago

OCD and new chapters

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 18w ago

Failing the GRE

Hi, I am new to this community and don’t know much about OCD or if i even have it. I am a college senior going to a university that is relatively close to my home (1.5 hr) My goal was to apply to OT school at my current school because I love it there and can’t imagine myself anywhere else. I have a high gpa, many observation hours, and was told i would be a top candidate-if I passed the GRE. This school is the only school in my state that requires the GRE for OT school. Well, with the stakes being so high I was a complete wreck before the exam. It stressed me out so much that even looking at study materials made me nauseous. I did not score high enough to get into my desired program when I took it. I am retaking it next Tuesday (which i had to beg the admissions committee to let me do due to it being past a due date) and i feel the weight of my whole future on my shoulders. If I don’t get into my desired program, I will have to go to programs that are very far from home/my boyfriend of two years who I currently live with. I feel if I don’t pass, I will have to move away to a different school and I will lose my boyfriend. He is my rock and is so important to me. My other option is to stay where I am and attend the radiography program at the local community college and stay close to home and be with my boyfriend . Note: i just decided to apply to OT school this year (changed major from nursing). Do I risk my relationship/happiness for a career that i don’t even know that I will enjoy or do i keep my relationship, stay close to home, but regret not taking a huge opportunity given to me. This situation stays in my mind all day and night which is stressing me out greatly. Sorry for such a long post, I just want an unbiased view on what I should do/how to get this thought out of my head. thx for listening <3

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URGENT! Should I find a different job?

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