I’ve been worried for weeks now that something happened about a year ago in my relationship, a large part of me is like it obviously didn’t happen, but this small other part of me is like what if it did that’ll change everything I’m so tired idk what to do or how to combat it what methods can I use
Thats called false memory ocd! I suggest looking into it. Maybe doing some affirmations would help or writing down what you know happened/what you think happened. Ocd is just trying to attack you and your memory and I know how hard it feels.
@Ladygrinningsoul How do I know if it’s false or not though?
@Z_Unknown You mentioned that a large part of you knows that it obviously didnt happen which indicates that the rational side of you mind and brain know that it did not happen but your ocd is causing you uncertainty!
@Ladygrinningsoul It’s like, a mistake happened, but I’m convinced this mistake led me to make a wrong judgement about my partner but that’s what I don’t have proof on but if it was subconscious surely I couldn’t get proof? I’m so worried
@Z_Unknown You dont need to be worried! Whats important about ocd is learning to sit with the uncertainty. I had a similar experience where I suddenly was very afraid that I did something 4 years ago even though I had no proof of it. It made me so ill because I was trying to find certainty but there is no certainty and its really difficult to accept that… I want to help you but it’s important for me to not engage with this compulsion of you trying to figure out what happened. Because with your ocd you cant be sure even though you know in your rational brain that you are fine. I suggest looking into false memory ocd, it’ll give you examples on how to battle it.
@Z_Unknown When I was experiencing this and in my rational brain I knew I didnt do anything evil but my ocd was trying to hold on to it and tell me that I was a liar and a terrible person and I’m just lying about having false memory ocd rather than ”accepting that I did something bad” but thats just the way ocd works. Trust me, its false memory ocd.
@Ladygrinningsoul But I can’t tell if I’m just trying to convince myself it’s not true or not cause I don’t want it to be
@Z_Unknown That sounds exactly the same as what I was doing during my false memory ocd cycle. Trust me, read about the false memory ocd and use the methods that are suggested to you. It will help, it helped me too and now I feel like I have control over my life again
I have this too, false memory I believe holy shit it drives me crazy. It sorta helps me to remind myself that it’s probably some shit my head is making up and reassuring myself I’m okay. But I am also on Wellbutrin so that might make it easier
@mournmyhappiness But I can’t tell if I’m just trying to convince myself it’s not true or not cause I don’t want it to be
@Z_Unknown I understand exactly how you feel it’s crazy how much i understand, i felt so alone in this but you did nothing wrong if it’s so unclear that you can’t tell then it’s probably not real, just your mind twisting it in such a way to make you believe it is
@mournmyhappiness What about if it’s someone else doing something to you? How do you tell?
I went out 2 years ago with some friends and I can’t remember some of the night - we went to a house party and my friends say nothing happened but I’m so afraid that I cheated on my partner and don’t remember it. It’s consuming my every minute and I can’t let it go. I was reading up on false memory ocd the other day and it triggered me into thinking what if something I imagined happening actually happened and I don’t know what to do and I’m scared that because I imagined something a certain way that if it wasn’t the same thing I imagined that it must be true
So. I was in a traumatic relationship. for a long time. it was filled with gaslighting, manipulation, abuse, cheating ect. I would OBSESS over finding out where they were, what they were doing, who they were talking too. but I couldn’t leave. I tried so hard but I never could. they would call me names, physically hurt me, throw things, break things. because I would question them all the time. but I just couldn’t leave. no matter what I knew. they would manipulate me. I fell for their childhood trauma. it’s like I lost all logic. but I also feel like I have a pretty good memory with memories. not all the way, but remembering a lot of the traumatic things. especially now that I’m no longer with them. I keep remembering things that’s happened. even from my childhood. one time way before I even started dating this person, I had an intrusive thought about a friend of mine. that was with me. and I freaked out. I thought I had acted on the intrusive thought the next day. I asked my friend for confirmation but they said nothing happened. but the memories about it feel SO REAL. so VIVID. but they swore that nothing happened and they had no idea what I was talking about. I’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts for my whole life. so fast forward to now, that ‘false memory’ from my friend randomly popped up and I started obsessing about it, and my childhood ‘memories’ that have popped up. and then I was reading an article of someone doing something horrible, and then it sounded ‘familiar’ and so then I’ve created this whole memory of me doing something similar to the article involving my partner doing it also. the memory keeps adding new things and conversations around it. when it involves an actual real memory. but it’s like it’s been twisted from what I remembered before. I also suffer from bad anxiety. I’ve stalked pictures. my search history to figure out what I was doing that say when the real event happened. and I’ve found some things but I can’t look through my texts because I got a new phone. it has been hounding me for months. MONTHS. trying to figure out if this new ‘memory’ is real or not. if it’s been fabricated by an intrusive thought from reading the article and thinking ‘what if’ or if it actually happened and because I’m no longer in this relationship it’s a ‘repressed memory’ but the thing is I have horrible horrible anxiety and I don’t think I could have gone this long knowingly that that happened without remembering it until now. because I remember a lot of the horrible things that they did. this ‘memory’ is fuzzy, but it brings me horrible anxiety when I think of it, like I feel like it happened. but I also feel like it didn’t happen. because I know I would never do anything like that. but WHAT IF I DID, because I was manipulated. idk. is this a false memory. I really need help. because it’s been debilitating. that relationship was really traumatic. and I got manipulated into a lot of things. but I wouldn’t have just went forward knowing that that happened??? there’s no way I could have just forgotten it. because before when I would think about that night it was different, until now. but what if I just made myself forget what truly happened?? I’m a pretty self aware individual, but somehow that relationship really REALLY put me into a trance somehow where I allowed things that I have no idea how I would even allow because before I met that person I would have never allowed someone to cheat on my constantly or talk to me the way they did. or allow abuse. like I don’t understand it.
How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an ‘intrusive thought’ where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking ‘what if’ and ‘what is this’ and then that intrusive thought turned into me ‘remembering’ something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ‘details’ and what nots. and I’ve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and It’s like I’ve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk
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