Can someone help me?

Up until 5 days or so ago I had this obsession about my classmate I was like "do I love him?what if I do? What if I want him? " ( I've been jn this state of doubting myself since last summer precisely may/start of june). I had a lot of panic attacks, last one was yesterday its was really strong and i couldn't control my body,could not breathe and the muscles in my face were burning.(it was about this POCD thing also I am not diagnosed with OCD I have an appointment with a therapist soon) Because of that I started testing my physical reaction to a sexual scenario I imagined and I felt my private area sensitive like not pleasure but not painful either, its lowkey uncomfortable. That sensation started then and I still have it to this day 24/7 sometimes it goes away like when I first wake up but when I think about it it comes. Then I was listening to some bad news about children sexual abuse while eating and I felt that sensation while they were describing everything. Before that day i just didnt care much about children like i was mostly neautral and i would say with no ill intention " look at how cute that baby is!" When i saw one while being out with my friends. Then I started spiraling because like a year ago or something like that so when I was 16, I felt the need to touch myself and I did when I heard some of those disturbing news and I don't remember exactly when but I searched up that content and after I thought "what am I doing " and stopped. Since that day 5 days ago I started being scared and constantly questioning " am I attracted to children" "What if I would harm them if left alone with me?" "*Instert random scenario* and I test my bodily reactions " " What would people think if they knew I'm such a bad person?" And I keep avoiding children and anything children related, but when I see a child I don't think much at first but then I'm like " did I think something bad? Do I feel attracted to that child?" And I have these thoughts from the moment I wake up. Sometimes I cry sometimes I feel numb. Can someone please tell me if this is OCD?

POCD

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

I’m not a professional, but what you’re describing sounds like it fits the criteria for OCD. I’m sorry you’ve been having panic attacks and that this is all so heavy for you.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

Thank you, it's been really rough and sometimes I wanted to end it. I'm looking forward to talking with a phycologist .

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

@misereri I hope the psychologist is helpful. And please know you aren’t alone.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

@MichelleV I do too. Thanks.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

@MichelleV But like one thing, does that mean I like children? I don't want it to be that like I don't want that at all

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

@misereri Your post did not sound to me, that you like children. And I want you to know I understand how distressing this is. Intrusive thoughts can so easily pull you into spirals and make you question who you are. OCD will latch on to what you value. It sounds like you value being a good person, being yourself, and not having these types of thoughts. So OCD will want you to constantly validate and check that you aren’t your thoughts. Avoidance, questioning, and checking are all parts of OCD. Stigma doesn’t help either. I hope you know there is hope. You can absolutely work through these. Life during and after help is so much brighter than where you are now.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

@MichelleV I hope I can truly get out of this, it's been draining my life, i know how it started and when. Its like my life is paused since that summer, before i was careless and just enjoying life but now l can't function. Im currently just taking natural pills to relax and easy anxiety and I also need to take pills to sleep. I hope there's hope and I hope jm not the bad person i think i am. Im 17 btw.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

@misereri You are so young and you have so much hope ahead of you. I also can pinpoint when my OCD really kicked up, when I was 15, after I lost both of my grandfathers in the same month. It can be jarring to see the “before and after,” so to speak. But you are still you, you can still live your life and do things you enjoy. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. OCD won’t grip you forever.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

@MichelleV Thanks but like sometimes i get like scenarios in my mind and I get bodily reactions j dont wanna have like I don't wanna find that stuff hot or anything because its wrong I feel like if people knew all of this they would hate me and I would never be loved I feel this is gonna ruin my life completely. Sometimes my mind is like " you like this " and I truly dont know how to handle this it makes me feel like a p.

anonymous2580

Date posted: 24w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Pocd or not??

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :(

POCD

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Pocd??

POCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Can someone help me?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community