- Date posted
- 35w
ROCD spiked after elections and engagement
Hello, I'm new here! I was in need of a community where I can feel seen and supported. I have ROCD since 2021, and I recently got engaged in december, 2024, spiraling me in an even deeper rut. Since the elections my partner and I have been having difficult conversations but he has always accepted, respected and even encouraged my political views; while I have been critical, hypervigilant and "finding the meaning" behind his political views. He has explained to me multiple times why he thinks the way he thinks and while I agree, my brain keeps saying DANGER! GET OUT OF HERE! and actively trying to change his views or else I go nuts. As I write this I see how silly the thoughts can be. He's respectful and kind to everyone and we agree on core values, but still my brain wants to convince me he's secretly a bad person (and then goes automatically to "YOU ARE the bad person for having these thoughts"). The saddest thing of all, is that I don't think my psychologist wants to treat me as OCD but as a matter of "denying a break up". Even though my brain CAN'T STOP with the break up urges, I don't want to break up or else I would've done it a long time ago. So after my session yesterday I have been frustrated, overthinking even more and in such an anxious state that I cannot physically relax. I am happy and proud of what we have constructed, all I want is to stop catastrophizing and stop the compulsions (nothing that worked before has worked now) and it just makes it more difficult when your therapist isn't open to change treatment plans. I want to feel supported, not looking for reassurance (as it's not working either anymore). No one understands this subtype and automatically thinks it's just a denial of sorts and just makes me feel even more sad and anxious.