Special interest and ocd

I hate my ocd so much every single time I get new hyperfixation or special interest it has to ruin it destroy shatter I cannot do this anymore it's so fucking annoying. I dont really have a theme of ocd, sometimes it's something sexual, sometimes it's values and morals, sometimes it's hyper responsibility, but the main part is that, it always attacks my current special interest. For example, when I get sexual intrusive thought it wont be an intrusive image of myself or someone I know, but it's going to be an image of my favorite characters, or when I'll get a thought about my morals, it's going to be "your favorite character is based on misogynistic stereotypes" or "your favorite male character is the way they're not because they're severely mentally ill and traumatized, as well as disabled, but because they're a man and every men acts this way" So ocd is basically trying to make me go either insane or dead, all I can do is just keep being interested in what Im interested in and hope for it to go away after some time. Tho my therapist that I was going to a year ago told me to stop being interested in what Im interested in or get interested in something else, when it doesnt make even the littlest bit of sense?? I mean, it wont make my ocd dissapear it's just going to latch onto other thing im interested in?? Maybe something even more important? At this point Im just tired, I never actually were that suicidal as I am now, I mean, I dont really think about it all the time but I feel like Im completly ready to take my own life whenever I feel like I cant take this anymore, my mother after a year and a half started to trust me with taking meds to my room, so I can do it whenever I want. It gives me some sort of comfort

"Pure" OCD

nae nae

Date posted: 29w

That must be horrible to deal with. I'm so, so sorry :( It makes sense why it's latching onto your special interests, though, since OCD goes after the things that are important to us. That's happened to me in the past, and it's not fun at all... I didn't realize it was OCD back then, but it made me really uncomfortable and upset because it really took the joy out of everything. The best we can try to do is not let the thoughts bully us. For the part about morals, we can like or appreciate well-written characters, even if there are certain traits they might have or things they've done that go against our morals. For example, one of my favorite characters is a literal outlaw, but that doesn't mean I condone robbing, murder, etc... OCD has tried to convince me that it's wrong to like this character or play a game like that, and while I really wanted to give in and do a compulsion, I tried my best to acknowledge the thought and shift my focus back onto the game. Eventually, those thoughts began to fade. In the past, I would've avoided it completely and maybe even stopped playing, but I've learned that only feeds into the intrusive thoughts. I felt similar when I was at my lowest point, but at the same time, I didn't really want to end things. The thoughts were just overwhelming and debilitating, and I wanted them to stop and quick. I'm here to talk or vent if you need to at all, but just know you aren't alone in this. 🤍 Also, this is off-topic, but is your profile picture a character from Milgram? :)

Yamimuu

Date posted: 29w

OH MY GOD YOU KNOW MILGRAM? IN THIS POST I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT MUU AND HARUKA FROM MILGRAM SINCE THEIR RELATIONSHIP BECAME MY SPECIAL INTEREST

Yamimuu

Date posted: 29w

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH I APPRACIATE THAT A LOT(´,,•ω•,,)♡

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

AnonymousAnx...

Date posted: 21w

My OCD experience

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

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Special interest and ocd

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